{"id":20299,"date":"2016-07-11T02:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-07-11T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=20299"},"modified":"2023-09-02T15:00:39","modified_gmt":"2023-09-03T01:00:39","slug":"review-7-eleven-birthday-cake-slurpee","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/07\/11\/review-7-eleven-birthday-cake-slurpee\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: 7-Eleven Birthday Cake Slurpee"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"7-Eleven<\/a><\/p>\n

It\u2019s Slurpee\u2019s 50th birthday, and to celebrate, 7-Eleven has released a slew of celebratory products, from the Birthday Cake Slurpee I bought to Birthday Cake Cappuccinos and Slurpee doodle Pop-Tarts. <\/p>\n

Heck, I\u2019m surprised they didn\u2019t inject their hot dogs with Funfetti, since those same dogs have probably been rolling under that heat lamp for the past 50 years anyway.<\/p>\n

Since I rode my bicycle to 7-Eleven in the summer heat, I wouldn\u2019t make it home in time without a birthday puddle in my cup. So I was forced to photograph my Birthday Cake Slurpee in front of pedestrians who looked at me like an escaped zoo animal.<\/p>\n

But most of them were capturing Pok\u00e9mon with their phones anyway, so I like to think my weird photo-shoot was hidden behind a Snorlax.<\/p>\n

\"7-Eleven<\/a><\/p>\n

My first Slurpee sip was more \u201cfuneral\u201d than \u201cbirthday.\u201d A flowing log flume of watered-down vanilla flavor cascaded through my mouth, and it was chased by a faint lemon zest. If nothing else, I give 7-Eleven\u2019s mad food scientists credit for including a more subtle frosting note.<\/p>\n

All debates about icing authenticity aside, the watery vanilla made an awful first impression. Iciness in a cola or fruity Slurpee is acceptable, because soda and fruit juice are things that actually occur in real life. But runny liquid vanilla paste tastes sadly unnatural, as if someone had cried all over a cake.<\/p>\n

Maybe 7-Eleven accidentally booked \u201cPrenuppo the Recently Divorced Clown\u201d for Slurpee\u2019s birthday party.<\/p>\n

But it wasn\u2019t all tears and tragedy, because the Slurpee actually improved as time and the laws of physics went on. Gravity sent the sweet ribbons of syrupy vanilla extract twisting to the bottom of the cup, while thermodynamics turned the slush into crystallized batter. <\/p>\n

The increased vanilla flavor concentration made my Birthday Cake Slurpee considerably more pleasant, so I tried greedily Slurpee-ing down the remaining pur\u00e9e before it could metamorphose into something even more melted and sloppy.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t make it in time, though (damn you, sun!<\/i>). I was soon left with a dizzyingly sweet concoction that made me grimace like the time I sipped straight from a vanilla extract bottle (damn you, tempting smell!<\/i>). But all hope was not lost, because I still had reinforcements to call in.<\/p>\n

\"7-Eleven<\/a><\/p>\n

Slurpee\u2019s birthday celebration also includes a new Birthday Cake Doughnut, and for only 99 cents, I couldn\u2019t resist garnishing my Slurpee and turning myself into a gawk-worthy street performer.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m surprised no one tossed a handful of change into my Slurpee cup.<\/p>\n

The dry and crumbly doughnut sucks up the \u201cjuices,\u201d and the lightly golden-sweet pastry lends a welcome, floury yellow cake flavor to a Slurpee that\u2019s otherwise pure frosting. Meanwhile, the ring\u2019s own caked on icing provides a buttery pop that complements the drink\u2019s vanilla and lemon combo.<\/p>\n

This birthday is an afternoon-long affair, too. Even as I tried biking my calories off, an aftertaste of tangy vanilla custard lingered. And like any post-party funk, it was simultaneously uncomfortable, bittersweet, and a little sticky.<\/p>\n

So while I was able to derive some enjoyment from its various ups and downs, this Birthday Cake Slurpee was just too high maintenance to ever be a repeat purchase. The Slurpee is barely worth a novelty buy, and I hope 7-Eleven tries a birthday cake milkshake for Slurpee\u2019s 100th birthday party instead. It would be less texturally off-putting, and I likely won\u2019t have any teeth left by then anyway.<\/p>\n

Oh, and I hope they don\u2019t hire that darn clown again. I think I saw the poor fella sleeping in his tiny car last night.<\/p>\n

(Nutrition Facts – 1 fl oz \u2013 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)<\/small><\/p>\n

Purchased Price:<\/b> $1.19
\nSize:<\/b> Small
\nPurchased at:<\/b> 7-Eleven
\nRating:<\/b> 5 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Half-melted cake batter Slurpee abdomens. Spiraling vanilla tentacles. Using a doughnut like a paper umbrella. The sweet feeling of air conditioning on my vanilla-stained face.
\nCons:<\/b> \u201cCrying Clown\u201d cake flavoring. Custard hangovers. Shouting \u201cI am not an animal!<\/i>\u201d to helpless passerby. Becoming a real life Snorlax after too many doughnuts. Frosting-filled frankfurters.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s Slurpee\u2019s 50th birthday, and to celebrate, 7-Eleven has released a slew of celebratory products, from the Birthday Cake Slurpee I bought to Birthday Cake Cappuccinos and Slurpee doodle Pop-Tarts. Heck, I\u2019m surprised they didn\u2019t inject their hot dogs with Funfetti, since those same dogs have probably been rolling under that heat lamp for the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1647,1553],"class_list":["post-20299","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-7-eleven","tag-slurpee"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":20285,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/07\/07\/fast-food-news-7-eleven-birthday-cake-slurpee\/","url_meta":{"origin":20299,"position":0},"title":"FAST FOOD NEWS: 7-Eleven Birthday Cake Slurpee","author":"Marvo","date":"July 7, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Oreo celebrated its 100th birthday with a birthday cake-flavored cookie. Starbucks celebrated the Frappuccino's 20th birthday with a birthday cake-flavored version. Airheads came out with a birthday cake-flavored candy for its 30th birthday. So it's not surprising to see America's favorite frozen beverage celebrate its 50th birthday with the Birthday\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Fast Food News"","block_context":{"text":"Fast Food News","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/fast-food-news\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"7 Eleven Birthday Cake Slurpee","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/7-Eleven-Birthday-Cake-Slurpee.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/7-Eleven-Birthday-Cake-Slurpee.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/7-Eleven-Birthday-Cake-Slurpee.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":20307,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/07\/12\/fast-food-news-7-eleven-birthday-cake-cappuccino\/","url_meta":{"origin":20299,"position":1},"title":"FAST FOOD NEWS: 7-Eleven Birthday Cake Cappuccino","author":"Marvo","date":"July 12, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Happy Birthday, Slurpee! Happy Birthday, 7-Eleven! Happy Birthday, Charlie Murphy! I have a feeling birthday cake tastes better in cappuccino form than Slurpee form. If you've tried the hot beverage during one of these hot summer days, let us know what you think of it in the comments. (Image via\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Fast Food News"","block_context":{"text":"Fast Food News","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/fast-food-news\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"7-Eleven Birthday Cake Cappuccino","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm9.staticflickr.com\/8650\/28150463282_cbeec8ccf6_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":23479,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2017\/07\/11\/reminder-free-small-7-eleven-slurpee-today\/","url_meta":{"origin":20299,"position":2},"title":"REMINDER: Free Small 7-Eleven Slurpee Today","author":"Marvo","date":"July 11, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"To celebrate its 90th birthday, 7-Eleven will be giving away small Slurpee drinks from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. today (July 11). The convenience store chain started giving away free Slurpee drinks on 7-Eleven Day back in 2002, when the retailer celebrated its 75th birthday. 7-Eleven estimates will it give\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reminder"","block_context":{"text":"Reminder","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reminder\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"7 Eleven Day 2017","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/7-Eleven-Day-2017.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":19814,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/03\/23\/fast-food-news-7-eleven-wild-cherry-slurpee-donut\/","url_meta":{"origin":20299,"position":3},"title":"FAST FOOD NEWS: 7-Eleven Wild Cherry Slurpee Donut","author":"Marvo","date":"March 23, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"I thought Slurpee-flavored cotton candy was a really weird thing for 7-Eleven to offer, but the convenience store has something weirder. The Wild Cherry Slurpee Donut is a cake donut that appears to have Wild Cherry Slurpee-flavored icing and sugar crystals. If you've tried it, let us know what you\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Fast Food News"","block_context":{"text":"Fast Food News","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/fast-food-news\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"7-Eleven Wild Cherry Slurpee Donut 2","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm2.staticflickr.com\/1638\/25694681410_42174b0c64_o.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm2.staticflickr.com\/1638\/25694681410_42174b0c64_o.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm2.staticflickr.com\/1638\/25694681410_42174b0c64_o.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":20217,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/06\/23\/fast-food-news-7-eleven-sour-patch-redberry-slurpee\/","url_meta":{"origin":20299,"position":4},"title":"FAST FOOD NEWS: 7-Eleven Sour Patch Redberry Slurpee","author":"Marvo","date":"June 23, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"About this time last year, 7-Eleven introduced the first Sour Patch Slurpee -- Watermelon. This year, Slurpee's 50th birthday, the convenience store is rolling out a new Sour Patch Slurpee flavor. This time it's the popular Redberry. The new sour and sweet flavor is available for a limited time at\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Fast Food News"","block_context":{"text":"Fast Food News","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/fast-food-news\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"7 Eleven Sour Patch Redberry Slurpee","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/7-Eleven-Sour-Patch-Redberry-Slurpee.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":20744,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/10\/22\/weekend-reading-10222016\/","url_meta":{"origin":20299,"position":5},"title":"WEEKEND READING – 10\/22\/2016","author":"Marvo","date":"October 22, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Here are a few interesting junk food-related stories from the past week or so. Yup, just three, and two of them are from Eater. Enjoy. A Brief History of the Slurpee, a Frozen American Icon (via Eater) The Strangely Glamorous World of a 1980s Ronald McDonald (via Atlas Obscura) John\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Weekend Reading"","block_context":{"text":"Weekend Reading","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/weekend-reading\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"7-Eleven Birthday Cake Slurpee 2","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/c6.staticflickr.com\/8\/7573\/28230037365_29834a2fef_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/c6.staticflickr.com\/8\/7573\/28230037365_29834a2fef_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/c6.staticflickr.com\/8\/7573\/28230037365_29834a2fef_z.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20299","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/33"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20299"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20299\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20299"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20299"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20299"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}