I\u2019ve been preparing for this opportunity ever since I saw a Life cereal commercial and thought “Big whoop–I’d eat anything AND would survive mixing pop rocks with cola”. Ever since I wrote a poem for the first grade play about how perplexing it was (and still is) that tomatoes are fruit. Ever since I ran around the McDonald’s Playplace pointing out the Hamburgler was actually committing a hate crime and Mayor McCheese had a vendetta to settle.<\/p>\n
My current interest and passion for new food products would be considered largely unacceptable by most members of society. I have been known to drive to six or seven locations in a day if I discover a product I must have. Six or seven isn\u2019t THAT many, but it is if you\u2019d like to maintain a family or a job or anything else that has a semblance of a 37 year old’s non-vagabond existence. And even when I don\u2019t know something\u2019s out there, I have a keen, systematic eye that I apply to convenience stores and supermarkets, scanning my eyes in all the right places (soda coolers, candy displays, potato chips, and the almighty holiday clearance section) in an efficient fashion that makes me feel that somehow I haven\u2019t invested nearly as much time in this \u201chobby\u201d as I have.<\/p>\n
When I had less money at my disposal (my \u201cmonastic\u201d grad school years en route to becoming a school psychologist) I would find a new product I was excited about, purchase one, and try it. If I liked it, I would then often engage in wild goose chases, trying to find the product again, only to meet with crippling, constant disappointment. As my wallet grew more proportional to my desire for Jolly Ranchers soda and Mint Skittles, I discovered that purchasing multiple items of a new product was effective insurance against the \u201cone night stand\u201d phenomenon I had incurred. However, I also found it was a proper way to fill your pantry with the dud products of the universe, the items so bad that you couldn\u2019t pawn them off on the unsuspecting with a straight face. You might call it the “Why you don’t give out your address on Tinder”.<\/p>\n
My family is subject to these whims now, as we try to find a happy medium. Two packages of new Oreos make it through the Ellis Island that is the grocery checkout (the worst Oreos will still get eaten by someone at 2am), but I invest more effort into defending my purchase of dessert Pringles than a court-appointed attorney. Ultimately, the cream rises to the top (save for the \u201cVanilla Heat\u201d creamer I inflicted upon my loved ones). My students are not safe either, like the time I had them eating the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree burn Doritos in a contest to win the extra cup of Rita\u2019s Water Ice I had purchased. A true battle for the ages (of eight and up).<\/p>\n
In all honesty, I think if someone took a close look at my behavior, they might consider it to be a little bit insane — for a person who doesn\u2019t work in the food review industry. Therefore, this opportunity to include you all on my never-ending quest is a chance to restore my sanity, without me changing how I operate or responding to every Rorschach test with obscure product names like “Takis!” and “Bugles!” This is a match made in Heavenly Hash, so sound the, ahem, bugle–let’s get this hunt started.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019ve been preparing for this opportunity ever since I saw a Life cereal commercial and thought “Big whoop–I’d eat anything AND would survive mixing pop rocks with cola”. Ever since I wrote a poem for the first grade play about how perplexing it was (and still is) that tomatoes are fruit. Ever since I ran […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":45,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[276],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20943","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-announcement"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":15039,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2013\/07\/01\/announcement-episode-seven-of-the-nosh-show\/","url_meta":{"origin":20943,"position":0},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: Episode Seven of The Nosh Show","author":"Marvo","date":"July 1, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"In this episode, Eric gets famous, Ryan still wants to name his first son Quesadilla, Dubba rants about his local Whole Foods, and I talk while chewing on a Watermelon Oreo. We also talk about new Taco Bell products, Ben & Jerry's Cotton Candy ice cream, and our Noshes of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"NoshLogo","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/NoshLogo.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":15541,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2013\/10\/21\/announcement-the-mega-sized-nosh-show-episode-15\/","url_meta":{"origin":20943,"position":1},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: The Mega-Sized Nosh Show Episode 15","author":"Marvo","date":"October 21, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"In this episode, we welcome the Nerd Lunch Podcast crew and all SEVEN of us talk about Pecan Pie Pringles, Sprite Cranberry, a Black Ninja Burger from Burger King in Japan, and a donut-muffin hybrid from Starbucks U.K. We also discuss Pop-Tarts and Oreo flavors that should be made. Here\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"NoshLogo15","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/NoshLogo15.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":9625,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2011\/06\/30\/announcement-green-hornet-t-shirt-winner\/","url_meta":{"origin":20943,"position":2},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: Green Hornet T-Shirt Winner!!!","author":"Marvo","date":"June 30, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Here's the winner of The Impulsive Buy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s T-Shirt\/Rag Promoting A Movie That Came Out Almost Six Months Ago Prize Drawing: Malika Congratulations, Malika! I'd also like to thank all of those who participated and let everyone know to be on the lookout for another prize drawing soon.","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":51229,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2022\/05\/17\/spotted-ben-jerrys-limited-batch-cherry-crumble-ice-cream\/","url_meta":{"origin":20943,"position":3},"title":"SPOTTED: Ben & Jerry’s Limited Batch Cherry Crumble Ice Cream","author":"Marvo","date":"May 17, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Update: We tried it! Click here to read our review. You might be wondering why I've posted SEVEN photos of the same product. Well, a few weeks ago, our writer Sean came upon this new Ben & Jerry's flavor at his local Safeway and sent me a photo. Actually, I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/bjlbcc07.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/bjlbcc07.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/bjlbcc07.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/bjlbcc07.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/bjlbcc07.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":7294,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/09\/08\/announcement-tibs-sixth-birthday-prize-drawing-winners\/","url_meta":{"origin":20943,"position":4},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: TIB\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Sixth Birthday Prize Drawing Winners","author":"Marvo","date":"September 8, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Here are the six winners of The Impulsive Buy's Sixth Birthday Prize Drawing: 1. Miwo 2. Ana 3. Harlequin 4. Scott (the one who left the comment \"happy birthday TIB!\") 5. liz 6. Roy Congratulations to the winners. May they enjoy whatever mystery goodness that comes their way. Also, thank\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":6016,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/03\/14\/announcement-winners-to-shower-on-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":20943,"position":5},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: Winners To Shower On Me!!!","author":"Marvo","date":"March 14, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"It's time to come clean. Here are the six winners of The Impulsive Buy's Shower On Me Prize Drawing and the body washes they've won: 1. eric boothby - Axe Twist Shower Gel 2. Dorothy - Old Spice Deo Sport Odor Blocker Body Wash 3. Duo - Dove Men+Care Extra\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20943","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/45"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20943"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20943\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20943"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20943"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20943"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}