{"id":21386,"date":"2017-03-14T02:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-03-14T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=21386"},"modified":"2022-07-14T17:54:05","modified_gmt":"2022-07-15T03:54:05","slug":"review-cow-candy-pinkie-pie-strawberry-jack-cheese-and-prime-punch-jack-cheese","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2017\/03\/14\/review-cow-candy-pinkie-pie-strawberry-jack-cheese-and-prime-punch-jack-cheese\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Cow Candy Pinkie Pie Strawberry Jack Cheese and Prime Punch Jack Cheese"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

This is a review, but it\u2019s also a cry for help. When I saw Cow Candy\u2019s Strawberry and Fruit Punch-flavored cheeses listed in Spotted on Shelves, my gut said \u201cYeah, I\u2019m having those.\u201d <\/p>\n

I\u2019m so addicted to the rush of novelty flavors that even when I read about something that couldn\u2019t possibly be delicious, I\u2019m still compelled to track it down. Fruit-flavored cookies are one thing, but cheese? What is wrong with me? How long until I\u2019m buying cotton-candy-flavored beef filets? <\/p>\n

Like a true junkie, I went into this with full faith that these cheese sticks, sporting colors more appropriate for children\u2019s spring t-shirts, would take me to snack heaven for just a moment. <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I looked past the blank yet somehow judgmental faces of the children\u2019s cartoon characters and opened the packages. The red stick, emblazoned with Transformer Optimus Prime, was a smooth block. The My Little Pony-themed Strawberry Pinkie Pie had a pock-marked exterior. I wondered if this was a refrigeration error or if the flavors affected the textures in different ways. <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

The strawberry stick gave off a tangy artificial strawberry scent – Frankenberry cereal mixed with a trace of shoe funk. The fruit punch smelled like candy-induced vomit.<\/p>\n

When I bit into the strawberry, it crumbled, strangely, into tiny spheres. The Fruit Punch cheese behaved more like what I expected \u2013 a rubbery snap. <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Describing the taste of these cheese sticks is proving impossible, so I\u2019ll tell you what they DON\u2019T taste like \u2013 strawberry, fruit punch, or Jack cheese. Calling them salty\/sweet feels wrong, as weren\u2019t enough of either to do the term justice. If you removed everything good from cheese and fruit, this is what would be left. They\u2019re just gross. <\/p>\n

I powered my way through one of each flavor. Hours later, they still haunt me. It\u2019s like I ate prop food not meant for consumption. They are by far the worst snack food I\u2019ve ever encountered – my stomach is churning.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d intended to think up some cute way to use these cheese sticks in another snack\/treat (shred them as a topping for sweet & savory mini pizzas?) but there\u2019s really only one thing to do with them:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

All I can do now is try not to barf, and wonder when I\u2019m going to find Jeff VanVonderen<\/a> sitting on my couch telling me people love me like crazy but are worried about my novelty flavor addiction.<\/p>\n

(Nutrition Facts – 1 stick \u2013 80 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 4 grams of protein..)<\/small><\/p>\n

Purchased Price:<\/b> $4.49
\nSize:<\/b> 6 oz. bag
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Stop & Shop
\nRating:<\/b> 1 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Nice colors! That\u2019s it.
\nCons:<\/b> Disgusting taste that resembles none of the flavors advertised. Odd texture in Strawberry version. They\u2019re making me nauseous. Do not buy them for children you\u2019re fond of.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is a review, but it\u2019s also a cry for help. When I saw Cow Candy\u2019s Strawberry and Fruit Punch-flavored cheeses listed in Spotted on Shelves, my gut said \u201cYeah, I\u2019m having those.\u201d I\u2019m so addicted to the rush of novelty flavors that even when I read about something that couldn\u2019t possibly be delicious, I\u2019m […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":40,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1753],"class_list":["post-21386","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-misc"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":21358,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2017\/03\/08\/spotted-on-shelves-cow-candy-pinkie-pie-strawberry-and-prime-punch-jack-cheeses\/","url_meta":{"origin":21386,"position":0},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Cow Candy Pinkie Pie Strawberry and Prime Punch Jack Cheeses","author":"Marvo","date":"March 8, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"This was obviously made by someone who has a lot of time (and cheese) on their hands. 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