Carnie Wilson<\/a>?<\/p>\nGlacéau SmartWater:<\/b> Yeah, do you hear her singing?<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> Dude, Carnie’s not fat anymore. Actually, she lost a lot of weight and she’s pretty hot now.<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> But she was fat when she recorded the song.<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> You’re being an prick, you know. Just because your first name is in French, doesn’t mean you have to act French.<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> Whatever. Let’s get this over with so you can go crying back to your mamma. Maybe if you actually attended class and read your textbooks in college, I wouldn’t be whooping your ass for the umpteenth time.<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> Well then, roll the dice you arrogant prick.<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> Why do you keep playing against me? Can’t you read? I’m SmartWater. <\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> More like SmartAssWater. Anyway, what makes you so special?<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> No water purifies better. No water hydrates faster.<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> Dude, you’re just reading your own label, you corporate shill. Besides how the hell can anyone tell if the water they’re drinking is hydrating them faster?<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> I’m electrolyte enhanced, beeyatch!<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> So you’re like a flavorless and colorless Gatorade?<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> I’m better than Gatorade.<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> Whatever. Just roll the dice.<\/p>\n
(Glacéau SmartWater rolls the dice and gets a six.)<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> Oh yeah! Six baby! Back to the middle for the win.<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> Well I get to pick the category.<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> It don’t matter. History. People and Places. Entertainment. Science. Sports. Literature. I know it all. I’m SmartWater.<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> All right, let’s see if you can answer this science and nature question.<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> Bring it!<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> What major Eastern city was the first in the U.S. to boast a bloodmobile for dogs, in 1991?<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> Let me think about that, Silly Willie. Maybe I should sing a little ditty? Is it getting kind of chilly? Oh look at that lily. Really?<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> Shit! You know it, just say it.<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> The answer is Philly, dear Billy. Philadelphia, beeyatch!<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> Dammit!<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> Oh! Do you know what time it is now?<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> Oh shit. Not again.<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> It’s peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time. Where he at? Where he at? Where he at? Where he at? There he go. There he go. There he go. There he go. Peanut butter jelly. Peanut butter jelly. Peanut butter jelly. Peanut butter jelly. Do the peanut butter jelly, peanut putter jelly, peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat. Do the peanut butter jelly, peanut putter jelly, peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat.<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> Frickin’ prick.<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> Don’t be a sore loser. You almost had me. At least you answered one question correctly this time.<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> I’m not being a sore loser, you’re being a sore winner.<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> Well maybe if your body was all water instead of 70 percent water, you’d be as smart as me.<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> Oh, really?<\/p>\n
(Marvo grabs Glacéau SmartWater opens him and drinks half the bottle.)<\/p>\n
Glacéau SmartWater:<\/b> HEY! HEY! HEY! THAT WAS TOTALLY UNCOOL, MAN!<\/p>\n
Marvo:<\/b> No, that WAS cool…and refreshing.<\/p>\n
\n
Item:<\/b> Glacéau SmartWater
\nPurchase Price:<\/b> $1.39 (33.8 fluid ounces)
\nRating:<\/b> 6 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Refreshing as revenge. Electrolyte enhanced. Pretty bottle. Better tasting than tap water. Peanut butter jelly time.
\nCons:<\/b> Pricey compared with other bottled water in bigger sizes. Sore winner. A total prick. Know-it-all asshole.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Marvo: Okay. Whose 1916 U.S. presidential campaign slogan was: “He kept us out of war.”? Glacéau SmartWater: That’s easy. Woodrow Wilson’s Marvo: Dammit! You got the yellow wedge! Glacéau SmartWater: Yeah, that means I’ve got all the wedges and all I need to do to kick your ass again at Trivial Pursuit is get back […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1545,1621,25],"class_list":["post-308","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-beverage","tag-glaceau","tag-water"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":41650,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2020\/01\/10\/spotted-glaceau-smartwater-flavors-cucumber-lime-and-pineapple-kiwi\/","url_meta":{"origin":308,"position":0},"title":"SPOTTED: Glaceau Smartwater Flavors (Cucumber Lime and Pineapple Kiwi)","author":"Marvo","date":"January 10, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Glaceau Smartwater has been around for almost 15 years, but only now there are flavored versions. That doesn't seem very, um, what's the word I'm looking for? It's on the tip on my tongue. Bah, I don't know. (Spotted by Leonard G at Shoprite.) Thank you to all the photo\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Glaceau-Smartwater-Flavors-Watermelon-Mint-and-Strawberry-Blackberry.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Glaceau-Smartwater-Flavors-Watermelon-Mint-and-Strawberry-Blackberry.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Glaceau-Smartwater-Flavors-Watermelon-Mint-and-Strawberry-Blackberry.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Glaceau-Smartwater-Flavors-Watermelon-Mint-and-Strawberry-Blackberry.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Glaceau-Smartwater-Flavors-Watermelon-Mint-and-Strawberry-Blackberry.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":36539,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2019\/05\/17\/spotted-5-17-2019\/","url_meta":{"origin":308,"position":1},"title":"SPOTTED – 5\/17\/2019","author":"Marvo","date":"May 17, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Here are some interesting new products found on store shelves by your fellow readers. If you've tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments. (Spotted by Sylvia at Marshall's.) (Spotted by Sarah R at Walmart.) (Spotted by Rachel C at Manchester Airport in the U.K.)\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/Jordans-Skinny-Syrups-Vanilla-Whipped-Foam-infused-with-Collagen.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/Jordans-Skinny-Syrups-Vanilla-Whipped-Foam-infused-with-Collagen.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/Jordans-Skinny-Syrups-Vanilla-Whipped-Foam-infused-with-Collagen.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/Jordans-Skinny-Syrups-Vanilla-Whipped-Foam-infused-with-Collagen.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/Jordans-Skinny-Syrups-Vanilla-Whipped-Foam-infused-with-Collagen.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":16632,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/04\/07\/spotted-on-shelves-glaceau-vitaminwater-energy\/","url_meta":{"origin":308,"position":2},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES – Glaceau VitaminWater Energy","author":"Marvo","date":"April 7, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Glac\u00e9au VitaminWater Energy...not be confused with Glac\u00e9au VitaminEnergy (which I thought was really awesome). The newer version gets its caffeine from green coffee bean extract *cough* Starbucks Refreshers *cough*. 7-Eleven also has an exclusive flavor, Raspberry Citrus. (Spotted by Aaron at 7-Eleven.) If you\u2019re out shopping and see an interesting\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Glaceau VitaminWater Energy 2014","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7009\/13688851034_2c009ffed3.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":16558,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/03\/24\/spotted-on-shelves-glaceau-vitaminwater-zero-drops\/","url_meta":{"origin":308,"position":3},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES – Glaceau VitaminWater Zero Drops","author":"Marvo","date":"March 24, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"This was inevitable. (Spotted by Joshua at Winn Dixie.) 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It's a lot of fun trying to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General"","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":37567,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2019\/06\/28\/spotted-glaceau-limited-edition-vitaminwater-retro-rehydro-pack\/","url_meta":{"origin":308,"position":5},"title":"SPOTTED: Glaceau Limited Edition Vitaminwater Retro Rehydro Pack","author":"Marvo","date":"June 28, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"The only real \"retro\" flavor is Balance, which is one of the original Vitaminwater flavors. Tranquilo came out in 2009 and Breez-e debuted in 2016. Can a flavor that came out three years ago be considered \"retro\"? (Spotted by Robbie at Sam's Club.) Thank you to all the photo contributors!\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/Glaceau-Limited-Edition-Vitaminwater-Retro-Rehydro-Pack.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/Glaceau-Limited-Edition-Vitaminwater-Retro-Rehydro-Pack.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/Glaceau-Limited-Edition-Vitaminwater-Retro-Rehydro-Pack.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/Glaceau-Limited-Edition-Vitaminwater-Retro-Rehydro-Pack.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/Glaceau-Limited-Edition-Vitaminwater-Retro-Rehydro-Pack.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/308","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=308"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/308\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=308"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=308"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=308"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
![\"\"](\"\/images\/smartwater.jpg\")
<\/p>\n