{"id":345,"date":"2006-03-29T00:07:18","date_gmt":"2006-03-29T10:07:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/03\/29\/jockey-next-to-nothing-thongwearing-a-thong\/"},"modified":"2023-08-14T16:46:06","modified_gmt":"2023-08-15T02:46:06","slug":"jockey-next-to-nothing-thong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/03\/29\/jockey-next-to-nothing-thong\/","title":{"rendered":"Jockey Next to Nothing Thong\/Wearing a Thong"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/center><\/p>\n

Thongs…They’re usually worn by women, European male sunbathers, and male strippers.<\/p>\n

I think they look totally hot on women, but as for European male sunbathers and male strippers, not so much. You may think I’m a little biased about that because I’m straight, but I have female friends who also think men in thongs aren’t hot at all.<\/p>\n

However, I think my female friends who think this way are in the minority, because for some reason, if you stick a bunch of women in a room with lots of alcohol, huge wads of one dollar bills, and tanned, oiled men in thongs, they go unbelievably crazy over the guys in thongs. <\/p>\n

I want women to go unbelievably crazy over me and the only way I believe I can do this is to start wearing thongs. Now I’m usually a boxer or boxer brief kind of guy, depending on how much freedom on a particular day I want to give my “cucumber and tomatoes,” but maybe it was time for something different.<\/p>\n

So I went to my local Jockey Store and picked up a Jockey Next to Nothing Thong, which is the significantly less fabric consuming, but almost equally priced, cousin of the Jockey Next to Nothing Boxer Brief, which I reviewed<\/a> last year. When I went to the counter to pay for the thong, I asked the cute saleswoman if she likes guys who wear thongs. She looked at me weird, like I asked her an uncomfortable question, and then said she doesn’t like guys in thongs. <\/p>\n

However, I think if you stuck her in a room with a bunch of other women, lots of alcohol, stacks of one dollar bills, and tanned, oiled men in thongs, she would say otherwise while licking whipped cream off of the pierced nipples of one of the thonged men. <\/p>\n

Anyway, the first thing I did when I got home with my brand new thong was wash and dry it, just in case some other dude’s sperm kettle was in it.<\/p>\n

To be honest, I should be used to having my underwear run up my ass. After all, I received a lot of wedgies growing up, and in those days I wore exclusively tighty-whiteys. If you’ve never experienced a tighty-whitey wedgie, you are either a fast runner or you were probably one of those people who gave kids like me wedgies.<\/p>\n

Anyway, when I first put the thong on, it felt kind of good, but the soft microfiber material might’ve had something to do with that. The front felt like a tighty-whitey, while the back felt like I was being preparing for a sumo wrestling match. Also, I suddenly wished I either had a black bow tie around my neck or a fake rip-away policeman or fireman uniform. <\/p>\n

As I walked around in the thong, I felt the “crack cover” part of the thong get sucked in by my ass. I kept pulling it out, but I quickly learned if the “crack cover” is getting sucked in between the cheeks, I should not pull it out, because it’s just going to get sucked in again. I should just get used to it.<\/p>\n

After about an hour of wearing it, I got used to it and wearing the thong got comfortable, from the “crack cover” to the “taint topper” to the “chestnut roaster.” Even when I went running with them, it didn’t feel uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

Despite the comfortable feeling, I don’t think I’ll be wearing a thong on a regular basis. First off, my semi-flat Asian ass doesn’t look very good in a thong. Also, I’m afraid of being caught with a whale tail<\/a>.<\/p>\n

So I guess I’ll have to find another way to get women to go unbelievably crazy over me. Too bad I don’t have a large room with lots of alcohol, stacks of one dollars bills, a tan, and an oily body.<\/p>\n

\n

Item:<\/b> Jockey Next to Nothing Thong\/Wearing a Thong
\nPrice:<\/b> $11.00 (on sale)
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Jockey Store
\nRating:<\/b> 3.5 out of 5 (Jockey Next to Nothing Thong)
\nRating:<\/b> 3 out of 5 (Wearing a thong)
\nPros:<\/b> Microfiber is soft. The thong eventually got comfortable. I got used to the “crack cover” getting sucked in by my ass. Good “cucumber and tomatoes” support. Thongs on women.
\nCons:<\/b> Whale tail. My ass does not look good in a thong. Wedgies. Thongs on European male sunbathers.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Thongs…They’re usually worn by women, European male sunbathers, and male strippers. I think they look totally hot on women, but as for European male sunbathers and male strippers, not so much. You may think I’m a little biased about that because I’m straight, but I have female friends who also think men in thongs aren’t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1753],"class_list":["post-345","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-misc"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1039,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2008\/10\/02\/oxi-clean-detergent-with-toss-n-go-dispenser\/","url_meta":{"origin":345,"position":0},"title":"Oxi Clean Detergent With Toss-n-Go Dispenser","author":"Marvo","date":"October 2, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"I purchased the Oxi Clean Detergent With Toss-n-Go Dispenser about two years ago. I ended up not reviewing it after seeing it was \"Reduced for Quick Sale\" a week after purchasing it, which usually means a product is near its expiration date or a product just sucks. Since laundry detergent\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4463,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2009\/07\/29\/review-limited-edition-oreo-fudge-sundae-creme\/","url_meta":{"origin":345,"position":1},"title":"REVIEW: Limited Edition Oreo Fudge Sundae Creme","author":"Marvo","date":"July 29, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"What is black, white and red all over? An Oreo Fudge Sundae Creme on top of an apple. HA! HA! HA! I know. Right about now you want to punch me in the face for that horrible riddle. I'll admit, it wasn't at all impressive and, just to let you\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":217,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/05\/25\/burger-king-tendercrisp-garden-salad\/","url_meta":{"origin":345,"position":2},"title":"Burger King Tendercrisp Garden Salad","author":"Marvo","date":"May 25, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"How many of you remember the McDLT? For those of you who weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t born yet, too young to remember, or have been boycotting McDonald\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s because of their globalization efforts, the McDLT was a burger in a treehugger-gasping styrofoam container with two compartments. This special container kept the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153hot side hot\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":425,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/12\/10\/shirakiku-microwavable-rice\/","url_meta":{"origin":345,"position":3},"title":"REVIEW: Shirakiku Microwavable Rice","author":"Marvo","date":"December 10, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Today's review is all about helping my fellow rice-eating Asian brothers and sisters with keepin' it real. Are you the only Asian in your town and every time you're at a party the only starch available is either potatoes, pasta, or bread? Sure, you'll scoop some mashed potatoes on your\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":13576,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2012\/10\/01\/review-jack-in-the-box-sourdough-cheesesteak-melt\/","url_meta":{"origin":345,"position":4},"title":"REVIEW: Jack in the Box Sourdough Cheesesteak Melt","author":"Marvo","date":"October 1, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Look at the photo above of Jack in the Box's new Sourdough Cheesesteak Melt. It looks like I had someone sit on the sandwich before taking a picture of it, but I assure you I didn't. Nor did I throw it into a zoo's elephant exhibit, nonchalantly toss it on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Jack in the Box Sourdough Cheesesteak Melt","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm9.staticflickr.com\/8171\/8032222077_4e05e99b0d.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":186,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/04\/06\/jockey-next-to-nothing-boxer-brief\/","url_meta":{"origin":345,"position":5},"title":"Jockey Next To Nothing Boxer Brief","author":"Marvo","date":"April 6, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"In my head, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a mental list called, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Things I Do Not Want To Be Caught Doing.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Some of the things on that list include: (1) Buying or listening to a Kidz Bop CD. (2) Saying I love Yanni\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s music to impress a girl. (3) Pretending I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m an underwear model.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/345","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=345"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/345\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=345"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=345"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=345"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}