Trimspa<\/a> Anna Nicole Smith…times two.<\/p>\nAlso, for some reason, I like to dance with poles when drunk.<\/p>\n
Anyway, let’s see what kinds of alcohol I have in The Impulsive Buy Laboratory.<\/p>\n
Red wine? Too classy.<\/p>\n
Vanilla vodka? Too much of a chance I’ll end up freakin’ a fridge.<\/p>\n
Listerine? Too painful.<\/p>\n
NyQuil? Too drowsy.<\/p>\n
Rubbing alcohol? Too poisonous.<\/p>\n
Heineken Premium Light Beer? Yahtzee!<\/p>\n
Oooh, I can also review it. Sweet!<\/p>\n
Let’s do this.<\/p>\n
7:45 p.m.<\/b> – Okay, so I’m sitting here with my laptop and Heineken Premium Light Beer. I’ve taken a couple of swigs of the beer and I don’t feel creative.<\/p>\n
7:47 p.m.<\/b> – I’ve gone through a quarter of a bottle and I don’t have any ideas for the GREATEST quasi-product review IN THE WORLD. The Heineken Premium Light so far has been easy to drink. It’s like a slightly watered down version of regular Heineken. It tastes all right. But if you like Heineken and are watching your girlish figure, you probably will enjoy the 99 calories and low carbs in each bottle.<\/p>\n
7:50 p.m.<\/b> – Oh man, I’m feeling kind of warm. I’m such a frickin’ lightweight! I only drank half the bottle and I’m already turning red. Damn these Asian genes! These Asian genes make me red when I drink. These Asian genes prevented me from growing past 5’7″. These Asian genes make everyone think I’m good at math. Maybe I should’ve ate something before I started drinking. I still don’t feel creative.<\/p>\n
8:00 p.m.<\/b> – Ugh. I drank the whole bottle and nothing. I wish I could channel the spirit of Hemingway. How did he do it? Maybe I should call my friend Ryan and ask him how he does it. No wait, he’s probably drunk right now and in his writing flow. Don’t want to mess with him because not only is he a creative drunk, he’s also an angry drunk.<\/p>\n
8:10 p.m.<\/b> – I’m just here waiting for the creative buzz to hit me, but I don’t even feel it coming. Shouldn’t the creativity be flowing like a river after the white blanket of snow melts? Shouldn’t the ideas be pouring out of me like iced tea from a clear glass pitcher on a hot summer day in August? Shouldn’t the words, sentences, and paragraphs be falling from the sky like rain in the spring?<\/p>\n
8:11 p.m.<\/b> – Oh man, I gotta pee.<\/p>\n
Item:<\/b> Heineken Premium Light
\nPrice:<\/b> FREE (12 ounces)
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Given by Charlie at Hass MS&L
\nRating:<\/b> 6 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> If you like Heineken, but are watching your girlish figure, this would be good for you. Tasted like a slightly watered down version of regular Heineken. Easy to drink. Low carbs. Low calories.
\nCons:<\/b> Alcohol does not equal creativity for me. My ability to turn red after drinking half a bottle of beer. I’m such a lightweight. Couldn’t write the GREATEST quasi-product review IN THE WORLD, not even a tribute.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sometimes to be creative, people need a catalyst – something that sparks the imagination and lets creativity flow. For many great writers, like Ernest Hemingway, Herman Melville, Scott Fitzgerald, John Steinbeck, Edgar Allan Poe, and my friend Ryan, their catalyst was\/is alcohol. Since alcohol helped these writers create wonderful pieces of literature (except for my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1613],"class_list":["post-359","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-alcohol"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":388,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/08\/16\/mazola-pure-butter-cooking-spray\/","url_meta":{"origin":359,"position":0},"title":"Mazola Pure Butter Cooking Spray","author":"Marvo","date":"August 16, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Over the years, I have learned an important lesson: When alcohol and silicone are taken away from something, they instantly lose their fun factor. For example, a party at the Playboy Mansion wouldn't be any fun without alcohol and silicone. Strip clubs would be less enjoyable minus alcohol and silicone.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":14910,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2013\/05\/28\/review-bud-light-lime-straw-ber-rita\/","url_meta":{"origin":359,"position":1},"title":"REVIEW: Bud Light Lime Straw-Ber-Rita","author":"Jeff","date":"May 28, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Now I know what urine tastes like from that magical flying ugly dog\/dragon-thing in The Neverending Story. Of all my fantasies involving Falkor the Luck Dragon, guzzling its piss was not one of them. 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It was a malt and citrus soda that was released in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Coming Soon"","block_context":{"text":"Coming Soon","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/coming-soon\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Mountain Dew Dew Shine","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/Mountain-Dew-Dew-Shine.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":341,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/03\/20\/sparks\/","url_meta":{"origin":359,"position":3},"title":"REVIEW: Sparks","author":"Marvo","date":"March 20, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Don't worry, Jen. I'll make you forget Brad and Vince with my tender lips. Get out of the way Ron Livingston! You're ruining the moment.\" After drinking the entire 16-ounce can of the Sparks alcohol energy drink, it was like romantic sparks were flying everywhere. For some reason, probably because\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9199,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2011\/04\/25\/review-jack-in-the-box-bourbon-bbq-steak-grilled-sandwich\/","url_meta":{"origin":359,"position":4},"title":"REVIEW: Jack in the Box Bourbon BBQ Steak Grilled Sandwich","author":"Marvo","date":"April 25, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Indecisive people must HATE Jack in the Box. If I was indecisive, I'd take one look at the vast menu board, feel completely helpless, and then weep. And if the cashier told me I could also choose something from the breakfast menu at two in the afternoon, I would fall\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Jack in the Box Bourbon BBQ Steak Grilled Sandwich","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm6.static.flickr.com\/5107\/5651718616_b616557664.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4957,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2009\/10\/13\/review-orbit-pina-colada-gum\/","url_meta":{"origin":359,"position":5},"title":"REVIEW: Orbit Pina Colada Gum","author":"Marvo","date":"October 13, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"I wish Orbit Gum would stop pussyfooting around it. The girly drink flavors have to come to an end and they have to develop beer-flavored chewing gum. 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![\"\"](\"\/images\/heinekenlight.jpg\")
<\/p>\n