Carmen Electra’s rap CD<\/a>…Check.<\/p>\nGetting aroused by a Photoshopped nude image of Rosie O’Donnell…Check.<\/p>\n
That experiment involving peanut butter, a microwave, and a body part that rhymes with the word “machinist”…Check.<\/p>\n
Oh, hello there. <\/p>\n
I’m just making a list of things I want to scrub away with the new Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub. According to its advertisements I’ve seen in magazines and on television, it can scrub away the shame caused by questionable hook-ups. <\/p>\n
I figured if it’s powerful enough to scrub away the shame of hooking up with either a female Romanian bodybuilder with more armpit hair than most men, that “woman” met via the “Anything Goes” personals section of a local alternative newspaper, or the “25-year-old” party girl on MySpace who turned out to be a 54-year-old party woman, but partied so hard that she looked 74 years old, it could also help me get rid of all the shameful things I’ve done in my life.<\/p>\n
The Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub uses desert minerals and cactus oil to deeply clean and exfoliates to remove dirt, dry skin, and possibly that incident with a mime, monkey, and a bath tub full of mayonnaise.<\/p>\n
After using the Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub for several days, I can’t seem to scrub away the shame of owning the LaToya Jackson Playboy issue or that time I let a dog lick my face for longer than I should’ve and imagined it was Natalie Portman with really overactive saliva glands.<\/p>\n
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