{"id":367,"date":"2006-06-12T00:07:54","date_gmt":"2006-06-12T10:07:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/06\/12\/ethos-water\/"},"modified":"2018-12-04T19:44:37","modified_gmt":"2018-12-05T05:44:37","slug":"ethos-water","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/06\/12\/ethos-water\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Ethos Water"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

I need to figure out which one of these four scenarios using Ethos Water would guarantee me a ticket into hell.<\/p>\n

Scenario One<\/b> – Visit a third-world country, like Ethiopia, and hold a wet t-shirt contest using hundreds of bottles of Ethos Water to wet the t-shirts in a village that has no clean drinking water.<\/p>\n

Scenario Two<\/b> – Make my way to Honduras, one of the poorest countries in the Americas, and have a car wash in a town that has very little drinking water and not many cars, using thousands of bottles of Ethos Water to rinse off the cars.<\/p>\n

Scenario Three<\/b> – Fly by helicopter to a remote African desert village that has no drinking water with a huge bathtub. Then fill the bathtub with Ethos Water, while also pouring bubble bath soap. Then I would soak in the bathtub for about one minute, occasional make “bubbles” of my own, and then dump the water onto the hot ground and watch it evaporate.<\/p>\n

Scenario Four<\/b> – Getting a bunch of my friends and giving each of them a Super Soaker<\/a>. Then we’ll all drive to a little village in India without any clean drinking water and turn it into a Super Soaker battlefield, using Ethos Water as our ammo.<\/p>\n

After reading this, some of you might be wishing that I do end up in hell and Lucifer sticks one of his horns up my ass for being so cruel to those thirsty people. But if you think about it, I don’t think any of these scenarios would get me a free pass into hell because with all the Ethos Water I would be purchasing, I would actually be helping those people get clean drinking water.<\/p>\n

Yes, by wasting clean drinking water, I would be helping those people in third-world countries get clean drinking water. For each bottle of Ethos Water purchased, five cents will be donated towards the goal of contributing $10 million over the next five years to alleviate the world water crisis.<\/p>\n

Now I know what you’re thinking. Holy cheap ass bastards, Marvo! Five whole frickin’ cents!<\/p>\n

For something that retails for almost two dollars, you would think they could be a little more charitable. At five cents per bottle, they would have to sell 200 million bottles of Ethos Water to reach their $10 million goal. <\/p>\n

If they donated ten cents per bottle, they would make a whole lot more to bring clean drinking water to many countries and still have enough for ONE My Super Sweet Sixteen party<\/a> for some rich-ass spoiled bitch.<\/p>\n

Two hundred million bottles may seem like a lot, but fortunately, Ethos Water is available at all Starbucks, which acquired Ethos Water in 2005.<\/p>\n

As for the water itself, if I was a dehydrated child from a poor country, this Ethos Water would probably taste so damn good. But I’m a quasi-product review blog editor, and I think Ethos Water is just as refreshing as every other bottled water out there and tastes just like every other bottled water out there, except with a hint of good karma.<\/p>\n

Five cents worth of good karma.<\/p>\n

\n

Item:<\/b> Ethos Water
\nPrice:<\/b> $1.85
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Cost Plus World Market<\/a>
\nRating:<\/b> 3 out of 5
\nPros:<\/b> Helps children get clean water. Bigger than usual bottle (approx. 24 ounces). Five cents of good karma. Refreshing for quasi-product review blog editors. Really refreshing for dehydrated children in poor countries.
\nCons:<\/b> Pricey compared with other bottled water. Only five cents of each bottle sold goes towards helping get clean drinking water. Tastes like every other bottled water.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I need to figure out which one of these four scenarios using Ethos Water would guarantee me a ticket into hell. Scenario One – Visit a third-world country, like Ethiopia, and hold a wet t-shirt contest using hundreds of bottles of Ethos Water to wet the t-shirts in a village that has no clean drinking […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1545,25],"class_list":["post-367","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-beverage","tag-water"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":347,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/04\/05\/hint-water\/","url_meta":{"origin":367,"position":0},"title":"REVIEW: Hint Water","author":"Marvo","date":"April 5, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Mmm...Water. Up to 60 percent of our body is made up of it, it covers over 70 percent of the Earth's surface, and it's used in 99 percent of the world's wet t-shirt contests. Experts say that we should drink about eight 8-ounce glasses of water per day, which is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":11554,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2012\/03\/15\/news-jones-soda-to-release-au-naturel-sparkling-water-in-plastic-bottles\/","url_meta":{"origin":367,"position":1},"title":"NEWS: Jones Soda To Release Au Naturel Sparkling Water In Plastic Bottles","author":"Marvo","date":"March 15, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Jones Soda has never been sold in plastic bottles. Actually, that's not quite correct. 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The image you see above is the third packaging for the SoBe Life Water, after their first one was too similar to Vitamin Water's and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":241,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/06\/27\/glaceau-vitamin-water\/","url_meta":{"origin":367,"position":4},"title":"REVIEW: Glaceau Vitamin Water","author":"Marvo","date":"June 27, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"I didn't realize it until recently, but water is apparently making a comeback. Even if it's been here for years. In bottles and on tap it appears. Making tears and when it rain, it makes mud. Listen to your throat go chug. Dehydration, overpowering. 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