![\"\"](\"\/images\/brpink.jpg\")
<\/p>\nThe Shopping Cart takes a look at things that I’ve tried, but am too lazy to write a full review for. Consider them mini-reviews. Or lazy-ass-reviews.<\/p>\n
What I’m Wearing That Maybe Causing Hell To Freeze Over, But Also May Make Me Look Fabulous<\/b><\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I would not, could not, at the club. I could not, would not, after getting out of the tub. I will not wear it in the form of a shirt. I will not wear it privately in a miniskirt. I will not wear it inside or out. I will not wear it when I’m about. I do not like wearing clothes as pink as spam. I do not like them, Marvo-I-am.<\/p>\n
For thirty years of my life, I thought that way about wearing the color pink. I believed that pink was a color that only girls and really preppy Polo-wearing bastards should wear. But after picking up this pink-striped Banana Republic Outlet shirt for $24.99, I’m now beginning to see that pink can be very manly. After all, prime rib is pink…and very manly.<\/p>\n
Pink really isn’t so bad. Now that I think about it, I’ve eaten a lot of pink things in my life, like the pink hearts in Lucky Charms, pink cotton candy at a carnival, pink marshmallow Peeps, and other pink things.<\/p>\n
So I will wear it at the mall. And I will wear it watching baseball. And I will wear it while in a car. And I will wear it while being rejected at the bar. And I will wear it inside or out. I will wear it when I’m about. I do so like wearing clothes as pink as spam. Thank you! Thank you, Marvo-I-am.<\/p>\n
Hmm…I wonder if wearing lavender is in my future now? <\/p>\n
What I’m Using In My Hair That Doesn’t Give It That Viagra Stiffness<\/b><\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"\/images\/teatreepomade.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
Every year during Christmas I get free hair care products from my sexy hairstylist. Last Christmas, I received small container of Paul Mitchell’s Tea Tree Grooming Pomade. To be honest, I had no idea what pomade was. It sounded like a pomegranate flavored Gatorade. <\/p>\n
I grew up using hair spray, hair gel, and whenever I wanted to look like a 1950s mobster, Brylcreem<\/a>. My hair product of choice for the past three years to keep my hair stiff is the Viagra-colored Hard Up Hair Gel<\/a>. I like having my hair stiff because, just like porcupines, I use it to defend myself from predators, like hobos, feral cats, and former Real World<\/a> cast members who desperately want attention.<\/p>\n Pomade wasn’t designed to give hair a stiff hold, instead it gives it a flexible hold, which I really don’t like since one low ceiling could ruin the messy bed head look that took ten seconds to sculpt in my bathroom mirror. The Tea Tree Grooming Pomade also gave my hair a slight greasy feeling and a weird waxy smell, which is the ultimate woman repelling combo, ahead of missing teeth and a handlebar mustache.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The Shopping Cart takes a look at things that I’ve tried, but am too lazy to write a full review for. Consider them mini-reviews. Or lazy-ass-reviews. What I’m Wearing That Maybe Causing Hell To Freeze Over, But Also May Make Me Look Fabulous I would not, could not, at the club. I could not, would […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1753],"class_list":["post-397","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-misc"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":92,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2004\/12\/06\/apple-ipod-socks\/","url_meta":{"origin":397,"position":0},"title":"REVIEW: Apple iPod Socks","author":"Marvo","date":"December 6, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"You would think if they called something a sock, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be able to wear it on your feet, but this was not the case with Apple iPod Socks, unless you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re a baby or a midget. I wanted to put one on a baby\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s foot, but I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get my hands\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"ipodsocks","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm6.staticflickr.com\/5152\/6952254168_d18fb9a656.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":628,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2008\/06\/13\/pink-lemonade-metamucil\/","url_meta":{"origin":397,"position":1},"title":"Pink Lemonade Metamucil","author":"Marvo","date":"June 13, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"According to the experts, who probably wear lab coats and ask others to call them Dr. So-and-So, we should be consuming 25-30 grams of fiber per day, which is roughly more than half a loaf of whole wheat bread, a little more than an entire can of kidney beans, or\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":786,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2008\/08\/15\/oops-disposable-panties\/","url_meta":{"origin":397,"position":2},"title":"Oops! Disposable Panties","author":"Marvo","date":"August 15, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Whenever I want to get my kink on at home, I put on a nice tight dress, a pair of black stockings, a brunette wig, six-inch heels, and my favorite shade of lipstick, which is Sexy Fire Red #5. The problem with doing all of this is that I can\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":335,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/03\/05\/extra-cool-watermelon-gum\/","url_meta":{"origin":397,"position":3},"title":"REVIEW: Extra Cool Watermelon Gum","author":"Marvo","date":"March 5, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"As I chewed on the Extra Cool Watermelon Gum, I wondered how can I be extra cool. How can I be the pinnacle of cool? How can I be so cool that if I wore a cardboard Burger King crown everywhere I went, everyone in the country would want to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Extra Cool Watermelon","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm9.staticflickr.com\/8172\/8069837497_061dbf370a.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":224,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/06\/06\/post-fruity-pebbles-with-new-bedrock-berry-pink\/","url_meta":{"origin":397,"position":4},"title":"REVIEW: Post Fruity Pebbles with New Bedrock Berry Pink","author":"Marvo","date":"June 6, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Oh my god, Fruity Pebbles, pink was, like, so 2004. I don't know if you, like, got the memo, but pink is, like, no longer the new black. So why don't you, like, go back home to your South Beach Diet and listen to the Usher song \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d on, like,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2005\/06\/Post-Fruity-Pebbles-with-New-Bedrock-Berry-Pink.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2005\/06\/Post-Fruity-Pebbles-with-New-Bedrock-Berry-Pink.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2005\/06\/Post-Fruity-Pebbles-with-New-Bedrock-Berry-Pink.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":334,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/02\/28\/limited-edition-wrigleys-juicy-fruit-gum\/","url_meta":{"origin":397,"position":5},"title":"REVIEW: Limited Edition Wrigley’s Juicy Fruit Gum","author":"Marvo","date":"February 28, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"It's hard to choose which Limited Edition Wrigley's Juicy Fruit Gum flavor I like best, because the blue and pink flavors are very similar. They both have juicy AND fruity flavors; both are limited edition; neither comes in the color they're named after; both have short-lasting flavor; and both have\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/397","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=397"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/397\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=397"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=397"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=397"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}