{"id":40334,"date":"2019-10-23T04:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-10-23T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=40334"},"modified":"2019-10-22T10:41:37","modified_gmt":"2019-10-22T20:41:37","slug":"burger-king-impossible-king-review","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2019\/10\/23\/burger-king-impossible-king-review\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Burger King Impossible King"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Burger<\/p>\n

Two wrongs don\u2019t make a right.
\nTwo rights don\u2019t quite make a left.
\nTwo birds don\u2019t make a handy bush. Or something like that.<\/p>\n

But what do two impossibles make? ?Possible? Implausible? Divide by zero error?<\/p>\n

Well, in my experience with Burger King\u2019s Impossible King, I\u2019d say it\u2019d be more aptly named the Gastrointestinally Impassable King. For this sandwich, this absurdly unasked for and apparently regionally available unit of a double-pattied organism is heavy<\/em>. Heavier than the internal conflict that arises when eating it:<\/p>\n

Me: \u201cIt seems contradictory to put so much cheese on a meatless sandwich.\u201d<\/p>\n

Also me: \u201cDan, you\u2019re just a vegetarian. And by default, they grill these with the beef burgers, wallowing in all the same moo juices.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m trying to get better! And besides, you can request for it to be non-broiled.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026look, you\u2019ve seen our stomach. We get bloated to the point of bleating off just one Impossible Whopper.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou haven\u2019t had a real honkin\u2019 heifer burger in years. Perhaps this isn\u2019t for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you challenging me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll see you in the fetal position later.\u201d<\/p>\n

Alright, enough. Let\u2019s enter the belly of the beast that is the beast in my belly.<\/p>\n

I love the Impossible Whopper<\/a>. It\u2019s the perfect sacrifice to the phantom meat memories that haunt me not with \u201cBOOs\u201d but \u201clack of B12s,\u201d and it\u2019s my go-to vegetarian road trip indulgence. Yet by doubling down on impossibilities, the Impossible King manages to halve the original\u2019s appeal. And for a good reason: balance.<\/p>\n

\"Burger<\/p>\n

The Impossible Whopper works because the scales of divine burger equity deemed it harmonious. Though the patties are imperfect meat clones that lack a certain hearty juiciness, the other toppings and trappings of a Whopper mask the blemishes with gushing pickles and the playful nip of white onions. But when said patty\u2019s in-\u2018wich real estate becomes a duplex, the arid cracks in Impossible\u2019s freest-range fa\u00e7ade become glaring fissures.<\/p>\n

The patties are dry. There, I said it. And by consequence, the entire Impossible King feels too dry.<\/p>\n

Yes, the familiar smokiness and testosterone-associated texture of a burger still shine through to the point of inspiring me to call up my son for a game of catch. I don\u2019t have a son. But the nuances<\/em>. There\u2019s still a palpable burst of much-needed tomato pulp, but the onion\u2019d accents and pickled particulars are all smothered in dehydrated beefishness and a borderline seminal soup of mayo and melted cheese.<\/p>\n

While I bet Burger King added so much cheese to try and restore blind burger justice, its dearth of flavor only makes the whole sandwich blander, mushier, and filler-heavy. Add in the sheer girth of this King-thing, and it\u2019s unlikely to attract many seeking a wholesome lunch. I could only eat half of it at noontide, and after disgracing myself twelve hours later\u2014as the Impossible King\u2019s refrigerated remnants dimly reflected in the kitchen sink I devoured it over\u2014I knew there would be an intestinal reckoning.<\/p>\n

I slept the sleep of a freakshow cannonball-stomacher, and in my dream of getting gut-punched by the Burger King himself behind a heinously vandalized McDonald\u2019s, I saw a prophecy of the abdominal agony that would come the following morning. <\/p>\n

As I write this that very same morning, I can feel the Indigestible King exerting its influence over my writing, one fetal kick at a time. But I must tell you all the truth: even if you can find an Impossible King in your area, don\u2019t bother. At $7.69, you\u2019re paying two dollars too much for a manipulative sandwich that won\u2019t respect you, nor your scant hopes of clean eating.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll stick with the Impossible Whopper, thank you very much. It may not be healthy either, but at least it doesn\u2019t force me into an unhealthy parasitic relationship with my distressed gut flora.<\/p>\n

Purchased Price:<\/strong> $7.69
\nSize:<\/strong> N\/A
\nRating:<\/strong> 3 out of 10
\nNutrition Facts:<\/strong> Nutritional info unavailable: seriously, this thing\u2019s a ghost online.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Two wrongs don\u2019t make a right. Two rights don\u2019t quite make a left. Two birds don\u2019t make a handy bush. Or something like that. But what do two impossibles make? ?Possible? Implausible? Divide by zero error? Well, in my experience with Burger King\u2019s Impossible King, I\u2019d say it\u2019d be more aptly named the Gastrointestinally Impassable […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1534,1477],"class_list":["post-40334","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-burger-king","tag-fast-food"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":41671,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2020\/01\/08\/fast-food-news-burger-king-testing-impossible-croissanwich\/","url_meta":{"origin":40334,"position":0},"title":"FAST FOOD NEWS: Burger King Testing Impossible Croissan’wich","author":"Marvo","date":"January 8, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Burger King will start testing a possible plant-based follow-up to its Impossible Whopper -- the Impossible Croissan'wich. 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