{"id":406,"date":"2006-10-17T23:19:35","date_gmt":"2006-10-18T09:19:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/10\/17\/mint-chocolate-chip-pop-tarts\/"},"modified":"2023-02-04T13:16:19","modified_gmt":"2023-02-04T23:16:19","slug":"mint-chocolate-chip-pop-tarts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/10\/17\/mint-chocolate-chip-pop-tarts\/","title":{"rendered":"Mint Chocolate Chip Pop-Tarts"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

(Editor’s Note: Today’s review contains links that are either Not Safe For Work (NSFW), Not Safe For Children (NSFC), or Not Safe If You Don’t Want To Have An Erection At Work (NSIYDWTHAEAW). Please click with caution. Thank you.)<\/small> <\/p>\n

Did you know that every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings<\/a>? <\/p>\n

No?<\/p>\n

Did you know that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten?<\/p>\n

Didn’t know that either?<\/p>\n

Well, did you know that every time Kellogg’s releases a new Pop-Tarts flavor, a new celebrity sex tape gets posted on the internet?<\/p>\n

Don’t believe me? <\/p>\n

Well recently Pop-Tarts introduced a new Mint Chocolate Chip flavor and recently TWO celebrity sex tapes have surfaced, a sex tape with Dustin Diamond<\/a>, who played Screech from the TV show Saved by the Bell<\/i> and another one involving Tickle Me Extreme Elmo<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Just like in a celebrity sex tape, when the Mint Chocolate Chip Pop-Tarts get toasted and warm, things get gooey, but that doesn’t necessarily make it a good thing. Good things also happen in a celebrity sex tape when certain things are frozen stiff and the same can be said about the Mint Chocolate Chip Pop-Tarts. I personally think they’re better hard and stiff than warm and gooey. As for its taste, it was as minty as a Girl Scouts Thin Mint, but not as good.<\/p>\n

Now I did hours of research, looking back at correlations between new Pop-Tarts flavors and celebrity sex tapes. Of course, most of that time was spent re-watching some of the celebrity sex tapes over and over again, and sometimes playing them in slow motion, frame by frame. <\/p>\n

Through those hours of research and a box of Kleenex, I learned celebrities don’t use condoms, people actually consider Tonya Harding a celebrity, Colin Farrell still looks like an asshole naked, I should never stand at the urinal next to Tommy Lee unless I want to feel inadequate, and I found more instances of celebrity sex tapes and new Pop-Tarts flavors being released at the same time.<\/p>\n

In 2004, when the Paris Hilton sex tape became available, Kellogg’s released S’mores Pop-Tarts and Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts, both of which sound sexier and more erotic than the words, “Paris Hilton sex tape.”<\/p>\n

In 2005, when Strawberry Milkshake Pop-Tarts were beginning to pop out of toasters, a sex tape with Colin Farrell and a former Playboy Playmate<\/a> popped up its head, along with the heads of many others. <\/p>\n

I’m sure there were also new Pop-Tarts flavors when the Tonya Harding sex tape and the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee sex video were released, but I didn’t dig too deep into them because both videos scared me. The Tonya Harding sex tape was disturbing because it had Tonya Harding having sex in it and the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee sex tape was unnerving because of Tommy Lee’s huge python-like wang.<\/p>\n

Item:<\/b> Mint Chocolate Chip Pop-Tarts
\nPrice:<\/b> $2.00 (on sale)
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Safeway
\nRating:<\/b> 6 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Good, kind of like a Girl Scouts Thin Mint. Better frozen, but not toasted. Slow motion.
\nCons:<\/b> Not as good gooey. Standing at the urinal next to Tommy Lee. Screech sex tape. Tonya Harding sex tape. Paris Hilton sex tape.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Editor’s Note: Today’s review contains links that are either Not Safe For Work (NSFW), Not Safe For Children (NSFC), or Not Safe If You Don’t Want To Have An Erection At Work (NSIYDWTHAEAW). Please click with caution. Thank you.) Did you know that every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings? No? Did […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1473,1495],"class_list":["post-406","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-kelloggs","tag-pop-tarts"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2591,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2009\/03\/09\/review-kelloggs-chocolate-banana-split-pop-tarts\/","url_meta":{"origin":406,"position":0},"title":"REVIEW: Kellogg’s Chocolate Banana Split Pop-Tarts","author":"Marvo","date":"March 9, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"The banana split is a highlight of American dessert ingenuity and the ultimate dessert for those who want to give a big middle finger and a loud \"fuck it\" to their diets. A classic version of this ice cream dessert includes scoops of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream placed\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"chocobananapoptarts.jpg","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm4.static.flickr.com\/3331\/3339414139_0113b09116.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":9615,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2011\/07\/01\/review-limited-edition-frosted-cherry-turnover-pop-tarts\/","url_meta":{"origin":406,"position":1},"title":"REVIEW: Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts","author":"Marvo","date":"July 1, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"When I die, I hope my tombstone doesn't say, \"Ate way too many Pop-Tarts,\" even though I have eaten way too many Pop-Tarts. Oh wait, I'm being cremated, so I hope my urn isn't etched with \"Ate way too many Pop-Tarts\" or my body isn't burned into ashes using a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm7.static.flickr.com\/6015\/5880546804_0c70af51ed.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":8140,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2011\/01\/04\/news-kelloggs-creates-made-up-dessert-name-for-their-frosted-rainbow-cookie-sandwich-pop-tarts\/","url_meta":{"origin":406,"position":2},"title":"NEWS: Kellogg’s Creates Made Up Dessert Name For Their Frosted Rainbow Cookie Sandwich Pop-Tarts","author":"Marvo","date":"January 4, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Update: Click here to read our Rainbow Cookie Sandwich Pop-Tarts review If my protruding, slightly hanging gut is correct, I've eaten a lot of ice cream treats over the years, but I've never heard of a rainbow cookie sandwich, which Kellogg's is attempting to recreate with their new Kellogg's Frosted\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Rainbow","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm6.static.flickr.com\/5082\/5322931765_534b603713.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4162,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2009\/07\/01\/review-kelloggs-blueberry-muffin-pop-tarts\/","url_meta":{"origin":406,"position":3},"title":"REVIEW: Kellogg’s Blueberry Muffin Pop-Tarts","author":"Marvo","date":"July 1, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Oh. Dear. Lord. Stop reproducing, Kellogg's Pop-Tarts! You're making the Octomom and all the reality show fertility families on TLC look normal. What are you up to now, forty or so offspring? I bet they just slide right out of you now, yelling \"Weeeeee!!!\" as they come through your birth\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":16060,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/01\/07\/spotted-on-shelves-kelloggs-birthday-edition-flavor-flashback-frosted-chocolate-vanilla-creme-pop-tarts\/","url_meta":{"origin":406,"position":4},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES – Kellogg’s Birthday Edition! Flavor Flashback! Frosted Chocolate Vanilla Creme Pop-Tarts","author":"Marvo","date":"January 7, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Flavor Flashback? I have to admit I don't remember this flavor ever existing. 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