{"id":4062,"date":"2009-06-22T00:00:45","date_gmt":"2009-06-22T10:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=4062"},"modified":"2023-08-14T16:28:23","modified_gmt":"2023-08-15T02:28:23","slug":"review-ideaworks-comfort-wipe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2009\/06\/22\/review-ideaworks-comfort-wipe\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Ideaworks Comfort Wipe"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Interviewer:<\/b> Today, I’m speaking with the one and only Comfort Wipe. Thank you for coming.<\/p>\n

Comfort Wipe:<\/b> Thanks for having me. Do you need me to wipe your crack?<\/p>\n

Interviewer:<\/b> No, I’m fine.<\/p>\n

Comfort Wipe:<\/b> Well if you need to, just let me know.<\/p>\n

Interviewer:<\/b> Thanks. I appreciate that. So how did you get started with helping people wipe their asses?<\/p>\n

Comfort Wipe:<\/b> I guess it was just something I was born to do. Personally, I think in a previous life, I must’ve done some horrible things and as punishment I was reincarnated into a Comfort Wipe. I guess some folks get reincarnated into cockroaches and others become tools specifically made to wipe asses.<\/p>\n

Interviewer:<\/b> Help me imagine the type of person who would need you. Who are your clients?<\/p>\n

Comfort Wipe:<\/b> I deal mostly with those who are unable to reach down there, like disabled people who have limited dexterity. When it comes to helping them, I feel like I’m doing some good in the world and building up karma so that if I get reincarnated again I’ll end up being a beautiful butterfly or something that doesn’t involve being in between butt cheeks. Although I think that won’t be happening for a long time since I’m made out of a plastic that will take forever to decompose.<\/p>\n

Interviewer:<\/b> But what about those who aren’t disabled? What are your thought about you being marketed to those who don’t seem to need it<\/a><\/u>?<\/p>\n

Comfort Wipe:<\/b> I don’t understand it. Are there people out there so prudish that they’re afraid to wipe their own asses? Sure, occasionally, the toilet paper can rip and your finger can accidently end up in your butt hole, and cleaning up after a bad case of diarrhea can get messy, but those instances are so rare, unless you have crappy toilet paper or eat Taco Bell every single day.<\/p>\n

Interviewer:<\/b> So how do you work?<\/p>\n

Comfort Wipe:<\/b> Well, take about three sheets of toilet paper and fold it in half. Take one end of the folded toilet paper and put it into my mouth. Then take the other end, wrap it around my head and also place that end into my mouth. My mouth will keep it in place. Then take my head in between your legs, with my mouth facing down, place it near your anal area and then wipe. Thankfully, because my mouth is facing in the opposite direction, I can’t toss your salad, even though I spend just as much time in between butt cheeks as someone’s bitch in prison.<\/p>\n

Interviewer:<\/b> Once we’re done wiping, how do we get rid of the toilet paper stuck to you?<\/p>\n

Comfort Wipe:<\/b> Just press the button on the top of the handle and my mouth will let go of both ends of the toilet paper. You may have to shake me a little since my head is made from a rubber-like material that has some tackiness to it.<\/p>\n

Interviewer:<\/b> How effective are you at cleaning down there?<\/p>\n

Comfort Wipe:<\/b> If you were to use your hands, you’d get a more thorough cleaning. I’m not saying this because I don’t like being jammed in between a person’s buttocks. But I’ve got court-side seats to what goes on down there so I know how effective I am and, to be honest, I don’t get you 100 percent clean. If you’re anal retentive, pun intended, you definitely won’t be satisfied. Also, if you’re using me to clean down there, you’ll probably end up using more toilet paper than if you were doing things by hand.<\/p>\n

Interviewer:<\/b> So you’re kind of a pain in the ass? Pun intended.<\/p>\n

Comfort Wipe:<\/b> It seems so. Another thing I should point out is that it’s suggested that I be cleaned after each use, but I can’t be immersed in water. Instead I should be cleaned with a moist wipe or a soft disposable cloth and mild soap, and then dried off with a soft disposable towel. <\/p>\n

Interviewer:<\/b> Wow. That seems extremely wasteful.<\/p>\n

Comfort Wipe:<\/b> Yes, it is.<\/p>\n

Interviewer:<\/b> One final questions. Is there anything you would like to say?<\/p>\n

Comfort Wipe:<\/b> All I want to say is, I’m sorry for whatever I did in my past life to become reincarnated as a Comfort Wipe.<\/p>\n

(Note: If you’d like to see a video of this interview, it’s embedded below.)<\/small><\/p>\n

<\/object><\/center><\/p>\n

Item:<\/b> Ideaworks Comfort Wipe
\nPrice:<\/b> $9.99
\nSize:<\/b> 15.75 inches
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Amazon
\nRating:<\/b> 7 out of 10 (for those with limited dexterity)
\nRating:<\/b> 5 out of 10 (for almost everyone else)
\nPros:<\/b> Good for those people with limited dexterity. Toilet paper securely stays on. Unique release button to dispose of toilet paper. Tacky grip helps prevent it from slipping in your hands.
\nCons:<\/b> Won’t make you 100 percent clean. Being reincarnated as a Comfort Wipe. A pain in the ass to clean. You may end up using more toilet paper than usual. Unable to toss salad. Eating Taco Bell every single day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Interviewer: Today, I’m speaking with the one and only Comfort Wipe. Thank you for coming. Comfort Wipe: Thanks for having me. Do you need me to wipe your crack? Interviewer: No, I’m fine. Comfort Wipe: Well if you need to, just let me know. Interviewer: Thanks. I appreciate that. So how did you get started […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1753],"class_list":["post-4062","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-misc"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":7297,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/09\/10\/apology-because-i-didnt-know-moving-10-years-of-crap-would-take-so-much-time\/","url_meta":{"origin":4062,"position":0},"title":"APOLOGY: Because I Didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Know Moving 10 Years of Crap Would Take So Much Time","author":"Marvo","date":"September 10, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"I'd like to apologize for the lack of posts this week. I'm currently moving to a new place and I didn't realize how difficult and time consuming it is to move the 10 years worth of crap I've accumulated, which includes 35 USB cables, 100 pounds of books I haven't\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":84,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2004\/11\/17\/mountain-dew-livewire\/","url_meta":{"origin":4062,"position":1},"title":"Mountain Dew LiveWire","author":"Marvo","date":"November 17, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Mountain Dew LiveWire. Originally released last summer. Re-released this summer. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not summer anymore, but they still sell it. Will probably be re-re-released next summer. I like it. I usually call it Mountain Dew orange. After drinking a Mountain Dew, I feel so xtreme. I want to do a 50-50\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7555,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/10\/21\/announcement-want-to-write-for-the-impulsive-buy-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":4062,"position":2},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: Want To Write For The Impulsive Buy?","author":"Marvo","date":"October 21, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"For over six years, The Impulsive Buy has been the blog that thousands of procrastinating college students and bored office workers go to when they've caught up with all the panty flashes and nipple slips on The Superficial. The Impulsive Buy is the number one blog on the internet that\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":20480,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/08\/19\/spotted-on-shelves-white-boo-tterscotch-mms\/","url_meta":{"origin":4062,"position":3},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: White BOO-tterscotch M&M’s","author":"Marvo","date":"August 19, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Now I know how to wipe that smug look off of your face, Red M&M! Scaredy cat! This flavor is a Target exclusive this year. (Spotted by Andrea S at Target.) If you\u2019re out shopping and see an interesting new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"White BOO-tterscotch M&M's","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm9.staticflickr.com\/8102\/28808495270_5103139d3a_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm9.staticflickr.com\/8102\/28808495270_5103139d3a_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm9.staticflickr.com\/8102\/28808495270_5103139d3a_z.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":24241,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2017\/08\/28\/spotted-on-shelves-cookies-screeem-mms\/","url_meta":{"origin":4062,"position":4},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Cookies & Screeem M&M’s","author":"Marvo","date":"August 28, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"This Target exclusive features dark chocolate, white chocolate, and the ability to wipe that smug look off of the Red M&M's face. (Spotted by Stacy B at Target.) If you\u2019re out shopping and see an interesting new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Cookies Screeem M M s","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Cookies-Screeem-MMs.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Cookies-Screeem-MMs.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Cookies-Screeem-MMs.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":212,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/05\/17\/mr-clean-magic-eraser-duo\/","url_meta":{"origin":4062,"position":5},"title":"REVIEW: Mr. Clean Magic Eraser Duo","author":"Marvo","date":"May 17, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"I think I might be the last person on the face of the Earth to try the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. But I guess I should be used to jumping late on the bandwagon, like I did with Hypercolor clothes, Razor scooters, calculator wristwatches, acid washed jeans, and the second\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4062","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4062"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4062\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4062"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4062"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4062"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}