![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2006\/10\/coced.jpeg?resize=600%2C600&ssl=1\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I NEED A YAK RIGHT NOW, SO I CAN WRESTLE IT!<\/p>\n
There’s been a lot of hype surrounding the new Cocaine Energy Drink, which doesn’t contain any illegal cocaine, but supposedly does try to recreate some of the feelings one would receive after doing a few lines of yeyo, which is Kate Moss’ favorite past time. For the past few hours, I’ve been feeling — and yelling — the effects of it.<\/p>\n
I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR!<\/p>\n
The makers of Cocaine Energy Drink claim that it has 350 times more energy than Red Bull, giving drinkers energy that lasts for up to five hours, and doesn’t make you crash after those five hours are up. With 280 milligrams of caffeine per 8.4 ounce can, it almost has three times the amount of caffeine in a can of Red Bull. I’m typing this at 3 o’clock in the morning and I’m frickin’ wired.<\/p>\n
ROMY AND MICHELE’S HIGH SCHOOL REUNION IS THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER!<\/p>\n
Although, I don’t know if the wired feeling I’m having is because of the 280 milligrams of caffeine, 750 milligrams of taurine, 100 milligrams of inositol, B vitamins, 50 milligrams of L-Carnitine, 250 milligrams of D-Ribose, and 25 milligrams of guarana, or because of the slight burning sensation in my mouth, throat, and chest. I didn’t even drink half of the can yet.<\/p>\n
I’M WALKING ON SUNSHINE, WOOAH! I’M WALKING ON SUNSHINE, WOOAH! I’M WALKING ON SUNSHINE, WOOAH! AND DON’T IT FEEL GOOD!<\/p>\n
After opening the can, there’s a definite cherry scent to it and after the first sip I took it had kind of lame cherry flavor to it, but once the burning\/numbing feeling started in my mouth and throat, all sips after that didn’t really have a taste to them. It was like the Cocaine Energy Drink numbed my taste buds. But once the burning\/numbing feeling went away, I could taste the cherry flavor again.<\/p>\n
I’M A LITTLE TEA POT SHORT AND STOUT! HERE IS MY HANDLE! HERE IS MY SPOUT! WHEN I GET ALL STEAMED UP HEAR ME SHOUT! TIP ME OVER AND POUR ME OUT!<\/p>\n
The burning\/numbing feeling is not the only weird effect I’m having with the Cocaine Energy Drink. On several occasion, while sipping from the can, I would cough for some strange reason. Once in awhile my heart feels like it’s going to explode. Also, my nose feels runny.<\/p>\n
I AM XENA, WARRIOR PRINCESS! AI YAI YAI YAI YAI YAI!<\/p>\n
Earlier in the day, I decided to drink about a third of a can before I went for my afternoon jog, since there have been studies that show caffeine has an effect on athletic performance. It turned out to be one of best jogging sessions I’ve had in awhile.<\/p>\n
I AM A NIPPLE AND I AM TOTALLY PERKY RIGHT NOW!<\/p>\n
I just finished the 8.4-ounce can of Cocaine Energy Drink, but I didn’t drink it at a normal pace. I’ve been nursing it for over three hours and I finally finished it by mixing it with some vodka, which turned out all right. I have three cans of Cocaine Energy Drink left, but I don’t think I’ll be drinking them for a while, because I’m tired of yelling.<\/p>\n
NICKLEBACK AND CREED ARE THE GREATEST BANDS EVER!<\/p>\n
Item:<\/b> Cocaine Energy Drink
\nPrice:<\/b> $17.50 (for 4 cans – not including shipping)
\nPurchased at:<\/b> eBay
\nRating:<\/b> 4 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Definitely gave me energy. Loaded with caffeine. Doesn’t contain high fructose corn syrup. Decent with vodka. Supposedly there’s no energy crash. Helped with my afternoon jog.
\nCons:<\/b> Overhyped. Doesn’t taste very good. Burning\/numbing effect. No yaks around to wrestle. Had to buy them off of eBay. Caused coughing, heart exploding feeling, and a runny nose feeling. Creed and Nickleback. Yelling nonsense.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I NEED A YAK RIGHT NOW, SO I CAN WRESTLE IT! There’s been a lot of hype surrounding the new Cocaine Energy Drink, which doesn’t contain any illegal cocaine, but supposedly does try to recreate some of the feelings one would receive after doing a few lines of yeyo, which is Kate Moss’ favorite past […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1530],"class_list":["post-411","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-energy-drink"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":20461,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/08\/15\/quick-review-rockstar-pure-zero-lemonade-energy-drink\/","url_meta":{"origin":411,"position":0},"title":"QUICK REVIEW: Rockstar Pure Zero Lemonade Energy Drink","author":"Marvo","date":"August 15, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Rockstar Pure Zero Lemonade Energy Drink is something I'd imagine one would get from a first time lemonade stand owner who's also using it as a front to distribute cocaine. I assume when you have a beginner's lemonade stand\/cocaine counter, the two products have to mix. So it has the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Rockstar Pure Zero Lemonade Energy Drink","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm9.staticflickr.com\/8894\/28710670370_44a0f82f6f_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":344,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/03\/26\/rockstar-juiced\/","url_meta":{"origin":411,"position":1},"title":"Rockstar Juiced","author":"Marvo","date":"March 26, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Being juiced\" is usually only reserved for some Olympic athletes and baseball players, but thanks to Rockstar Juiced, now everyone can be juiced too. Although, by drinking Rockstar Juiced we can't have the increased athletic performance, premature baldness, severe acne, enlargement of the heart, increased body hair, liver damage, elevated\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Rockstar Juiced","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm6.static.flickr.com\/5263\/5581447983_8600d84c2a.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":483,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2007\/06\/04\/java-monster\/","url_meta":{"origin":411,"position":2},"title":"REVIEW: Java Monster","author":"Marvo","date":"June 4, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"I've never been in prison -- unless watching an episode of the HBO series Oz counts -- but Mean Bean, Big Black, and Loca Moca sound like nicknames of people who would rape you in a prison shower, but they're actually the flavors of the new Java Monster premium coffee\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Java Monster","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7031\/6428655003_215ef522a5.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":69246,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2025\/04\/15\/starbucks-canned-iced-energy-sparkling-energy-drink-review\/","url_meta":{"origin":411,"position":3},"title":"REVIEW: Starbucks Canned Iced Energy Sparkling Energy Drinks","author":"Marvo","date":"April 15, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Here we go with Starbucks entering the energy drink market again with its canned Iced Energy Sparkling Energy Drinks. Remember Starbucks BAYA? You don't? Come on, it came out three years ago and lasted maybe two years before being discontinued. How could you not remember BAYA? It's the best energy\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/sbxicedenergy1-600x600.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/sbxicedenergy1-600x600.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/sbxicedenergy1-600x600.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":337,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/03\/12\/tab-energy\/","url_meta":{"origin":411,"position":4},"title":"REVIEW: Tab Energy","author":"Marvo","date":"March 12, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Once upon a time, there was a pretty pretty pink pop princess named Tab, who preferred to be called the Pretty Pretty Pink Pop Princess. The Pretty Pretty Pink Pop Princess was a diet soda pop pioneer, appearing in 1963. Over the years, the Pretty Pretty Pink Pop Princess had\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Tab Energy","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2006\/03\/Tab-Energy-1024x1024.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2006\/03\/Tab-Energy-1024x1024.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2006\/03\/Tab-Energy-1024x1024.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":62,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2004\/10\/20\/rockstar-energy-drink\/","url_meta":{"origin":411,"position":5},"title":"Rockstar Energy Drink","author":"Marvo","date":"October 20, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Party like a rockstar,\"\u009d is the slogan of the Rockstar Energy Drink and that's exactly what I tried to do last night at the 50th review party. Prior to the party, I watched the Guns N' Roses and Def Leppard VH1 Behind the Music specials. 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