![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/images\/fifthbirthday.jpg\")
Dear TIB,<\/p>\nDear TIB,<\/p>\n
Today, you turn five years old. My goodness, has it really been that long? Wait…Do I have to start sending you to school? You better tell me because I’m not going to jail for you. Oh, and for future reference, I won’t ever post bail for you. Sometimes you have to learn a lesson the hard way and if that means spending time in a cell with someone who’s missing teeth, has a face tattoo and calls you honey, then so be it.<\/p>\n
But let’s not talk about a future that may or may not happen. Let’s talk about the present and past. You’ve grown quite a bit over the past year and made a lot of new friends. Sadly, your look hasn’t changed much over the past year or so. Perhaps it’s time for a makeover. But, unfortunately, daddy doesn’t have much money for one. I wonder if there’s a reality show out there that does child makeovers. Oh, who am I kidding? We would never end up on a reality show because I’m not an attention grabbing, fake-breasted whore or a muscular douchebag with anger issues.<\/p>\n
We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to celebrate your birthday the same way we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve celebrated your past birthdays by holding a prize drawing. For your fifth birthday, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to give away five (5) mystery boxes, filled with items that we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve reviewed over the past five years. The contents of each mystery box will be different.<\/p>\n
To enter the drawing, TIB readers will have to leave a comment for this post with the words, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Happy Birthday TIB\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and how they discovered TIB. They should fill out the email field, because we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be emailing the winners for their mailing address.<\/p>\n
We will start accepting entries for the drawing on Sunday, August 9, 2009 and stop accepting entries on Saturday, August 15, 2009 (11:59 Hawaii Standard Time). Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is open to EVERYONE.<\/b><\/p>\n
The winners will be determined in a way that has not been decided. It may involve chocolate syrup, scraps of paper and an electric fan.<\/p>\n
Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about Chinese imports. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about how you can get $4500 cash back for a new truck. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail or lost time cause by watching reality shows.<\/small><\/p>\n
Well, TIB, since it’s your fifth birthday, I guess it’s okay for you to finally watch TV, although not all of the channels. I’ve blocked all of them except PBS, Nickelodeon, Noggin, and C-SPAN.<\/p>\n
Love,
\nPapa<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear TIB, Today, you turn five years old. My goodness, has it really been that long? Wait…Do I have to start sending you to school? You better tell me because I’m not going to jail for you. Oh, and for future reference, I won’t ever post bail for you. Sometimes you have to learn a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[276,1,15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4558","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-announcement","category-general","category-prize-drawing"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":16287,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/02\/12\/review-crest-be-adventurous-mint-chocolate-trek-toothpaste\/","url_meta":{"origin":4558,"position":0},"title":"REVIEW: Crest Be Adventurous Mint Chocolate Trek Toothpaste","author":"Kevin","date":"February 12, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Hey, partner! 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Let's find out. On the count of three, let's yell out what we're thinking. One...two...three...cookie incest! Oh, you weren't thinking cookie incest. Instead you were thinking about how I already reviewed these fudge-covered, mint-flavored\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":20826,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/11\/08\/coming-soon-kelloggs-cinnamon-frosted-flakes\/","url_meta":{"origin":4558,"position":2},"title":"COMING SOON: Kellogg’s Cinnamon Frosted Flakes","author":"Marvo","date":"November 8, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"We\u2019re finally going to get Cinnamon Frosted Flakes in 2017! Why am I so excited? Because over the past twelve years Kellogg\u2019s has teased consumers with cereals that have come close to it. Let\u2019s take a trip back to 2004, when Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunctioned during halftime at the Super\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Coming Soon"","block_context":{"text":"Coming Soon","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/coming-soon\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Kellogg s Cinnamon Frosted Flakes","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/Kelloggs-Cinnamon-Frosted-Flakes.jpeg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":308,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/12\/06\/glaceau-smartwater\/","url_meta":{"origin":4558,"position":3},"title":"REVIEW: Glaceau SmartWater","author":"Marvo","date":"December 6, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Marvo: Okay. Whose 1916 U.S. presidential campaign slogan was: \"He kept us out of war.\"? Glac\u00e9au SmartWater: That's easy. Woodrow Wilson's Marvo: Dammit! You got the yellow wedge! Glac\u00e9au SmartWater: Yeah, that means I've got all the wedges and all I need to do to kick your ass again at\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":36322,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2019\/05\/01\/fast-food-news-hardees-original-roast-beef-sandwich-returns\/","url_meta":{"origin":4558,"position":4},"title":"FAST FOOD NEWS: Hardee’s Original Roast Beef Sandwich Returns","author":"Marvo","date":"May 1, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Arby's, I mean, Hardee's has brought back its Roast Beef Sandwich. Oh, you didn't know Hardee's had one. 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