{"id":540,"date":"2007-10-28T20:09:05","date_gmt":"2007-10-29T06:09:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2007\/10\/28\/cottonelle-tp-with-aloe\/"},"modified":"2023-08-14T18:19:34","modified_gmt":"2023-08-15T04:19:34","slug":"cottonelle-tp-with-aloe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2007\/10\/28\/cottonelle-tp-with-aloe\/","title":{"rendered":"Kleenex Cottonelle Toilet Paper Enriched With Aloe &#038; Vitamin E"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><center><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/images\/cottonelle.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><\/center><\/p>\n<p>Oh, wook at the wittle doggie on the packaging for the Kleenex Cottonelle Toilet Paper Enriched With Aloe &#038; Vitamin E.<\/p>\n<p>Who&#8217;s a cute, wittle doggie?  You&#8217;re a cute, wittle doggie.  Yes you are.  You wike to wick my nose with your wittle tongue, don&#8217;cha.  You wook so soft and cuddwy, wittle doggie.  If you were here I would use your soft wittle fur to wipe my warge ass.  <\/p>\n<p>Don&#8217;t bewieve me?  Just ask the Snuggle bear.<\/p>\n<p>How could I not buy toilet paper with a cute, wittle doggie on its packaging?  It&#8217;s hard for me to resist things with cute doggie woggies on them.  It&#8217;s the reason why I&#8217;ve got an unused bag of Puppy Chow, a whole lot of Clifford the Big Red Dog books, every sheet from the 365 Puppies A Year tear-away daily desk calendar from the last five years, and why the website <a href=\"http:\/\/dailypuppy.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Daily Puppy<\/a> is at the top of my RSS feed reader.<\/p>\n<p>I was hoping that the Kleenex Cottonelle Toilet Paper Enriched With Aloe &#038; Vitamin E would be soft and fluffy like the fur of that cutsy wootsy doggie woggie on its plastic wrapper or the lyrics of Jewel song.  I was also expecting it would be so soft that I would intentionally eat Ex-Lax just so I could use it more. <\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately, it wasn&#8217;t as soft as a doggie woggie, but it felt as good as my usual two-ply Costco toilet paper I get in the &#252;ber 36-pack that takes me over a year to go through, even after my annual tradition of dressing up as a mummy.  <\/p>\n<p>Like Ruffles potato chips or Jabba the Hut\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chin, each sheet of the Cottonelle Toilet Paper has ridges.  I thought it glided better over my bunghole compared with other toilet papers I&#8217;ve used.  I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know if the aloe and vitamin E had something to do with reducing roughness, but if they did, I need a shirt made with aloe and vitamin E so that my nipples don&#8217;t chafe when I go running.  Sure, I enjoy rubbing the Neosporin on them afterwards, but overall, raw nipples aren&#8217;t fun.<\/p>\n<p><iframe src=\"http:\/\/rcm.amazon.com\/e\/cm?t=theimpulsivbu-20&#038;o=1&#038;p=8&#038;l=as1&#038;asins=B000VQEUR2&#038;fc1=000000&#038;IS2=1&#038;lt1=_blank&#038;lc1=0000FF&#038;bc1=000000&#038;bg1=FFFFFF&#038;f=ifr\" style=\"width:120px;height:240px;float:left;padding-right:10px\" scrolling=\"no\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Oh, if only I were rich or in Europe, I would have a bidet.  Or even better, if I were rich, I would be wiping my ass with either the finest Asian silks, 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, or $100 bills.  Although, now that I think about it, money can be just as dirty as an Amy Winehouse heroin needle and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a pain to wash fine Asian silks.  I think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll settle for two-ply toilet paper.<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately, the Kleenex Cottonelle Toilet Paper Enriched With Aloe &#038; Vitamin E is only one ply.  The one ply is thick, but just like Jabba the Hutt, it choked when around my &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Sarlacc\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Great Pit of Carkoon<\/a>.&#8221;  It tore in non-perforated areas often while ripping away sheets from the roll and while cleaning my undercarriage.  This is not acceptable because I didn&#8217;t want to accidently have my finger slide up into me.  If I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to have a finger slide into me, I want it to be the finger of someone I paid to do so.<\/p>\n<p>Unless it starts packaging an actual cute wittle doggie woggie with it, I don&#8217;t think the Kleenex Cottonelle Toilet Paper Enriched With Aloe &#038; Vitamin E is worth it.  It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s one ply, seems to tear easily, is just as soft as the two-ply stuff I get from Costco, and is pricey per roll.  The aloe and vitamin E do seem to add less roughness to the toilet paper, but unless you have a bad case of diarrhea or get OCD when it come to wiping your ass, you probably won&#8217;t really notice it.<\/p>\n<p><b>Item:<\/b>  Kleenex Cottonelle Toilet Paper Enriched With Aloe &#038; Vitamin E<br \/>\n<b>Price:<\/b>  $6.37 (12 rolls)<br \/>\n<b>Purchased at:<\/b>  Wal-Mart<br \/>\n<b>Rating:<\/b>  2 out of 5<br \/>\n<b>Pros:<\/b>  Cute wittle puppy on the front.  Sewer and septic system safe.  Aloe and vitamin E do seem to make paper less rough.  Clifford the Big Red Dog.  Rubbing Neosporin on nipples.  Daily Puppy.<br \/>\n<b>Cons:<\/b>  Seems to tear easily.  One ply.  Pricey for the amount of rolls.  Their \u00e2\u20ac\u0153double rolls\u00e2\u20ac\u009d look like normal rolls.  Paying more than $100 to have someone slide a finger into me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Oh, wook at the wittle doggie on the packaging for the Kleenex Cottonelle Toilet Paper Enriched With Aloe &#038; Vitamin E. Who&#8217;s a cute, wittle doggie? You&#8217;re a cute, wittle doggie. Yes you are. You wike to wick my nose with your wittle tongue, don&#8217;cha. You wook so soft and cuddwy, wittle doggie. If you [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1753],"class_list":["post-540","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-misc"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":14380,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2013\/02\/05\/review-pizza-hut-big-pizza-sliders\/","url_meta":{"origin":540,"position":0},"title":"REVIEW: Pizza Hut Big Pizza Sliders","author":"Marvo","date":"February 5, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"These Pizza Hut Pizza Sliders are so cute. 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