![\"Jimmy](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7193\/6971654802_5f105798f5.jpg?resize=500%2C436\")
<\/a><\/center><\/p>\nThe night started off innocently enough. But then again, so did OJ Simpson\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s acting career. I looked in the mirror and declared that I would stay cool. You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to do anything crazy at a Halloween party. You never know what can happen once you get going. Or what you will buy.<\/p>\n
After hitting the dance floor, I soon found myself with a cute girl in a skimpy tiger costume. After adjusting her beer goggles with a few drinks, I decided to try out a few of my patented moves. I went for the Wisconsin Bulldog and the Orange Creamsicle, but had my hand knocked away when I went for the Magic Bullet. I briefly thought to myself, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Does enjoying this make me a furry?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d but then proceeded to get my groove on. I soon realized that I dance the same way I make love\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6very, very awkwardly.<\/p>\n
One thing led to another and I ended up in her place with a massive hangover. I had no idea about what had gone on since we were last on the dance floor.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Did we\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6did we do it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I asked, hoping that I totally did it with her.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Uhh\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6no,” she said. “Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you remember? You said you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d rather go shopping for food. Kept mumbling something about becoming god of all internet reviewers and the dancing queen.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, that does sound like something I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d do,” I remarked. “But then why am I naked and handcuffed to the bed?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not sure, I left you alone after we came back,” she answered.<\/p>\n
Hmm\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6she had a point. That is how I sleep every night. But I wish she hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seen me like this. After I freed myself, I figured that I might as well raid the fridge. I needed something substantial to keep my head from throbbing. What I found was more than I was prepared to handle\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6my\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6god\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6What the fuck is this?!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know, I think you bought it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she replied.<\/p>\n
I stared at the box and slowly shook my head. Son of a bitch, I even hate myself when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m on a drunken food purchase binge! I either secretly want to kill myself or have become such a diabolical genius that I went insane. This bowl was by far the scariest thing I had seen all weekend.<\/p>\n
It was an unholy bowl of bacon, eggs, potatoes, and cheese — all mixed together so you can eat it like the failure that Jimmy Dean thinks you are. Did I mention that there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a lot of fucking bacon in this thing? There’s like a ridiculous, enough-salt-to-melt-an-iceberg amount? I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really imagine ingesting it, but I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have many options. It was either this or some ramen flavor packets that she had saved up. Seeing as it is Halloween season, I figured that I had a duty to myself and for the fine readers to indulge my morbid curiosity.<\/p>\n
This bowl has no practical reason for existing other than as a product of a dare at some marketing department, so I tried to alleviate my fears by thinking the situation through. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sure it had to be quality tested. Some tasters actually had to survive long enough to give this thing the thumbs up. And at a mere 8 ounces, it didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem like much of a meal. It couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make me feel that bad, right? This was all before realizing that it would be healthier if I ate a tub of Crisco.<\/p>\n
I eventually got around to microwaving this bad boy and watched it rotate for the full 3 minutes. By minute two, the air had been permeated by the nauseating scent of grease and cheese. I opened the plastic film to take in the beauty of the bowl\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s contents. Oh, did I say beauty? I meant brain-exploding hideousness. The cheese had ceased to resemble anything appetizing and clung to the eggs like melted plastic. The potatoes had the glossy shine of a mint condition baseball card. The eggs were essentially pieces of yellow Styrofoam tossed together with chopped bacon.<\/p>\n
![\"Jimmy](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7233\/7117731803_2bab9000f8.jpg?resize=500%2C375\")
<\/a><\/center><\/p>\nThis is the breakfast that 8-year-old children cook for their mothers\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 birthdays. They fumble around in the kitchen, throw everything together, and then microwave the shit out of it so they can serve breakfast in bed. The mom will take two bites and make an exaggerated \u00e2\u20ac\u0153mmm\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d sound while vigorously rubbing her stomach. The child will then run off and laugh as she proceeds to dump the contents of the bowl in a trash can and begins to manually induce vomiting.<\/p>\n
I tried a few bites. It was strange, but it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t completely awful. Salty, greasy, and stiff, but still kind of edible. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve probably had worse breakfasts. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not sure why I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d pay $2.99 for this when I could have a small, possibly mentally challenged child make me the same thing at a fraction of the cost. As I was trying to justify my purchase, however, I started to wonder why I was suddenly nauseous.<\/p>\n
The back of the box had my answer. Hmm\u00e2\u20ac\u00a633 grams of fat, 1490 mg of sodium, 132% of my daily cholesterol allowance. Why don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t they include a complimentary vial of poison while they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re at it? And why exactly is an individual serving of a meal allowed to exceed 100% of something that can kill me? Well, at least it has 2 grams of fiber so I can stay regular after I collapse face first as I suffer a heart attack trying to walk down at set of stairs at school. Maybe I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll wake up naked in a hospital bed with handcuffs on. That won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be weird at all.<\/p>\n
(Nutritional Facts – 1 Bowl – 520 calories, 33 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 395 mg of cholesterol, 1490mg sodium, 21 grams of carbs, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 30 grams of protein, 20% Vitamin A, 6% Vitamin C, 25% Calcium, and 15% Iron)<\/small><\/p>\n
Item:<\/b> Jimmy Dean Bacon Breakfast Bowl
\nPrice:<\/b> $2.99
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Stater Brothers
\nRating:<\/b> 4 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Not completely inedible. The possibility of getting laid at Halloween parties. When children are thoughtful even when they are incompetent.
\nCons:<\/b> Horrible mixture of horrible-for-you foods. Food gets overcooked and therefore stiff after microwave nuking. Enough cholesterol to kill you 1.32 times in a day. Not getting laid at Halloween parties. Waking up naked with handcuffs and not finding it unusual.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The night started off innocently enough. But then again, so did OJ Simpson\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s acting career. I looked in the mirror and declared that I would stay cool. You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to do anything crazy at a Halloween party. You never know what can happen once you get going. Or what you will buy. After hitting […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1571,1742],"class_list":["post-541","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-frozen-food","tag-jimmy-dean"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":75670,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2026\/02\/17\/spotted-jimmy-dean-breakfast-edition-2-17-2026\/","url_meta":{"origin":541,"position":0},"title":"SPOTTED (JIMMY DEAN BREAKFAST EDITION): 2\/17\/2026","author":"Marvo","date":"February 17, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"The only one here that looks intriguing is the breakfast burger. (Spotted by Robbie and Dorothy at Walmart.) If you\u2019re out shopping and see new products, snap a picture of them, and send them in via an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found them and \"Spotted\" in the subject line.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Jimmy Dean Breakfast Burger Brioche","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/jdbfburgerbrio-600x750.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/jdbfburgerbrio-600x750.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/jdbfburgerbrio-600x750.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":17149,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/07\/01\/spotted-on-shelves-new-jimmy-dean-and-jimmy-dean-delights-entrees-and-sandwiches\/","url_meta":{"origin":541,"position":1},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES – New Jimmy Dean and Jimmy Dean Delights Entrees and Sandwiches","author":"Marvo","date":"July 1, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"It appears the folks who work at Jimmy Dean's test kitchen have been busy...really busy. So busy that I think they might've been sleeping in Jimmy Dean's test kitchen to come up with all these new products. (Spotted by Nick at Price Chopper and James at Walmart.) If you\u2019re out\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Jimmy Dean Beef, Smoked Sausage and Pulled Pork Sandwiches","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm4.staticflickr.com\/3861\/14363104367_f3d264b2e9.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":43925,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2020\/05\/14\/spotted-jimmy-dean-casserole-bites\/","url_meta":{"origin":541,"position":2},"title":"SPOTTED: Jimmy Dean Casserole Bites","author":"Marvo","date":"May 14, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Update: We tried them! Click here to read our review. When I saw these, I thought, \"What the hell are casserole bites?\" Are they a thing? Then I Googled them, which led me to being slapped with enough casserole bite recipes to fill several cookbooks. Now if you'll excuse me,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/Jimmy-Dean-Casserole-Bites-Meat-Lovers.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/Jimmy-Dean-Casserole-Bites-Meat-Lovers.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/Jimmy-Dean-Casserole-Bites-Meat-Lovers.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/Jimmy-Dean-Casserole-Bites-Meat-Lovers.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/Jimmy-Dean-Casserole-Bites-Meat-Lovers.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":20199,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/06\/21\/spotted-on-shelves-jimmy-dean-stuffed-hash-browns\/","url_meta":{"origin":541,"position":3},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Jimmy Dean Stuffed Hash Browns","author":"Marvo","date":"June 21, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Jimmy Dean Bacon & Veggies Stuffed Hash Browns Jimmy Dean Meat Lovers Stuffed Hash Browns Jimmy Dean Sausage & Cheese Stuffed Hash Browns Hash Brown Pockets! (Spotted by Amanda Y at Walmart.) If you\u2019re out shopping and see an interesting new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Jimmy Dean Bacon & Veggies Stuffed Hash Browns","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7418\/27510329230_c4164f9d3a_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7418\/27510329230_c4164f9d3a_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7418\/27510329230_c4164f9d3a_z.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":46494,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2021\/04\/30\/spotted-jimmy-dean-breakfast-nuggets\/","url_meta":{"origin":541,"position":4},"title":"SPOTTED: Jimmy Dean Breakfast Nuggets","author":"Marvo","date":"April 30, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"There's also a Chicken Sausage, Egg & Cheese flavor. Jimmy Dean should really be named Jammy Dean because it's really good at jamming breakfast goodness into things. (Spotted by Paul D at ShopRite.)","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/Jimmy-Dean-Sausage-Egg-Cheese-Breakfast-Nuggets.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/Jimmy-Dean-Sausage-Egg-Cheese-Breakfast-Nuggets.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/Jimmy-Dean-Sausage-Egg-Cheese-Breakfast-Nuggets.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/Jimmy-Dean-Sausage-Egg-Cheese-Breakfast-Nuggets.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/Jimmy-Dean-Sausage-Egg-Cheese-Breakfast-Nuggets.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":58752,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2023\/10\/17\/spotted-jimmy-dean-toaster-pop-ups\/","url_meta":{"origin":541,"position":5},"title":"SPOTTED: Jimmy Dean Toaster Pop-Ups","author":"Marvo","date":"October 17, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Doughboy, doughboy whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when Jimmy Dean comes for you? (Spotted by Amanda Y at Walmart.) If you\u2019re out shopping and see new products, snap a picture of them, and send them in via an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found them and \"Spotted\" in the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/jdsaueggchetoasterpopups-600x450.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/jdsaueggchetoasterpopups-600x450.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/jdsaueggchetoasterpopups-600x450.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/541","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=541"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/541\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=541"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=541"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=541"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}