{"id":5435,"date":"2009-12-17T02:10:02","date_gmt":"2009-12-17T12:10:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=5435"},"modified":"2020-12-10T11:07:50","modified_gmt":"2020-12-10T21:07:50","slug":"review-joose-mamba-joose","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2009\/12\/17\/review-joose-mamba-joose\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Joose Mamba JOOSE"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Back in the day when young adults in the suburbs wanted to be rebels, they would pay their local hobo to pick them up a six-pack of wine coolers or a bottle of Boone\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Farm. A decade later the drink du jour for the underage set was Smirnoff Ice. Today, young folks turn to alcoholic energy drinks to make them knock themselves on their asses, rip off their clothes, put a lampshade on their heads and run around in circles while repeatedly singing Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” — the Eric Cartman version<\/a>.<\/p>\n

The Mamba JOOSE’s can design makes <\/a>Sparks look like a little pussy bitch, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty sure Joose would say that right to Sparks\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 face, if aluminum cans could talk. In return, Sparks would come back with, “Well, at least my name doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t rhyme with douche.” Joose would get super pissed off and beat the shit out of Sparks with its tribal tattooed arms, if aluminum cans had arms. This is the kind of alcoholic beverage we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re dealing with here, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty sure after two cans of this D-Bag, or shall I say J-Bag, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll probably be exhibiting the same behavior.<\/p>\n

The Mamba JOOSE is a premium malt beverage with our good energy fiends taurine, ginseng and caffeine. It tastes very fruity (don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you dare say that to its face) and I kind of like it. I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really describe the flavor more in depth, because after a few sips my mind kind of voids anything, but then suddenly becomes alert and jittery. It does this better than a Red Bull and Vodka. <\/p>\n

Clocking in at 9.9 percent alcohol, it packs a serious wallop. Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s put it in perspective. Your run-of-the-mill Budweiser has only half of that, and the classic malt liquor, Olde English 800 (a.k.a Ol\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 E) has only 5.9 percent. This combination of high alcohol content, taurine, caffeine and ginseng can’t be good for you. In fact, as of last month the FDA has given the makers of Joose and other alcoholic energy drinks 30 days to prove “clear evidence of safety” or they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll take them off of the shelves. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not really crying over this, but I would like to at least try one of the other flavors.<\/p>\n

I like a good beer, but I will admit I sometimes enjoy swillin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 some old school malt liquor, especially if I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pregaming<\/a>. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m positive that Joose was made solely for pregaming activities, because there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no reason to actually want to drink this other than wanting to get hammered quickly without having to tolerate the taste of beer.<\/p>\n

If that’s what you’re looking to do, this Joose will get you loose.<\/p>\n

(NOTE: Please drink responsibly.)<\/small><\/p>\n

Item:<\/b> Joose Mamba JOOSE
\nPrice:<\/b> $2.50
\nSize:<\/b> 23.5 ounces
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Steak & Hoagie Factory
\nRating:<\/b> 6 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> High alcohol content for the price. Tastes really fruity. Good for pregaming. Not having to pay a hobo to get you booze. Cartman\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s version of Lady Gaga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Poker Face. More than one flavor available.
\nCons:<\/b> Taurine, caffeine and ginseng makes you way too jittery. Boone\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Farm. Doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have the street cred like Ol\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 E, Colt 45 or St. Ides. Might make you loose. Might not get to try another Joose flavor before the FDA bans it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Back in the day when young adults in the suburbs wanted to be rebels, they would pay their local hobo to pick them up a six-pack of wine coolers or a bottle of Boone\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Farm. A decade later the drink du jour for the underage set was Smirnoff Ice. Today, young folks turn to alcoholic […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1613],"class_list":["post-5435","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-alcohol"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":18000,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2015\/01\/28\/spotted-on-shelves-1282015\/","url_meta":{"origin":5435,"position":0},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 1\/28\/2015","author":"Marvo","date":"January 28, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. 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