{"id":5806,"date":"2010-02-17T11:18:29","date_gmt":"2010-02-17T21:18:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=5806"},"modified":"2023-08-12T10:28:57","modified_gmt":"2023-08-12T20:28:57","slug":"review-kashi-caribbean-carnival-pizza","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/02\/17\/review-kashi-caribbean-carnival-pizza\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Kashi Caribbean Carnival Pizza"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a> You know that expression: “You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time?” Well, Kashi should just stop making pizzas, because they are pleasing none of the people none of the time. Seriously, I really wanted to like this pizza. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m normally a fan of everything Kashi \u00e2\u20ac\u201c their frozen meals, crackers, granola bars, cereals, etcetera, etcetera. But in the past I have been let down by Kashi pizzas. Yet, I decided to give them one more chance to make amends when I saw the new delicious-sounding “Caribbean Carnival” Kashi pizza. <\/p>\n

Spoiler alert:<\/b> While I expected Kashi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s “Caribbean Carnival” pizza to invoke delightful imagery like friendly anthropomorphic parrots and jovial dark-skinned men wearing brightly colored beads in their hair; this pizza was neither “Caribbean” nor a carnival in my mouth. (Discuss!) Being a healthful eater, I normally resent when others disparage health food as tasting like cardboard \u00e2\u20ac\u201c however, tasting like wonderful, delicious cardboard would probably be a lofty goal for this pizza.<\/p>\n

Its promise of plantains, kale, fire-roasted red onions, mangoes and a “sweet and spicy Guava-infused jerk seasoned sauce” yielded a smattering of toppings lumped all in one corner of the pizza, which I meticulously picked apart and spread about before putting the pizza in the oven. Below all of that was some of the nastiest pizza crust known to mankind. I would like to know what think tank thought it would be a good idea to make a pizza crust out of ingredients like buckwheat and brown rice. Poor Antonio Pizzarelli, the inventor of the pizza pie*, would be spinning in his grave if he only knew. Normally the crust is one of my favorite parts of the pizza, and I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even get it down. Even the dog gave me the stinkface when I tried to pass it off, as if to say, “I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll eat this because it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s technically contraband people food; but only begrudgingly so.”<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

The “toppings” provided little relief to the gritty taste bud-assault that was the crust. The pizza was covered mostly in kale and diced tomatoes, and I think I saw a few specs of yellow that was supposed to be mango. The best part of the pizza was undoubtedly the plantains — as I have expressed my enthusiasm for Kashi products featuring plantains in the past<\/a>. But unfortunately the pizza only contained four slices of plantains and two bits of something that were probably the bodily remains of brave, fallen plantains who likely fought to the death against being put on this terrible pizza. And as for this alleged sweet and spicy Guava-infused jerk sauce\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6Well, I did detect some kind of flavor between the cheese and the crust, but I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think it tasted so much like jerk sauce as it did like “a funk.”<\/p>\n

What separates Kashi’s Caribbean Carnival Pizza from your garden variety “fail” to an “epic fail,” is that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not even particularly healthy. One pizza, which is a reasonable-sized meal for most people, clocks in at over 800 whopping calories. You could probably eat two slices of real pizza for that and not feel let down like a kid who gets socks for Christmas.<\/p>\n

* Look it up!<\/i><\/p>\n

(Nutrition Facts \u00e2\u20ac\u201c 1\/3 pizza (120 grams) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c 280 calories, 8 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 590 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, 14 grams of protein and 10% iron.)<\/small><\/p>\n

Item:<\/b> Kashi Caribbean Carnival Pizza
\nPrice:<\/b> $6.99 [sale price, reg. $7.99]
\nSize:<\/b> 12.7 ounces
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Shop Rite
\nRating:<\/b> 2 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> The bites with plantain on them were almost not terrible. Pleasing all of the people all of the time. Friendly anthropomorphic parrots.
\nCons:<\/b> Pizza crust tasted like puppies crying. No mango. Not enough plantains. Eating this instead of real pizza. Horrible taste plus not great nutritional value plus outlandish price like getting raped in three orifices. Getting socks for Christmas.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You know that expression: “You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time?” Well, Kashi should just stop making pizzas, because they are pleasing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1571,2047,1747],"class_list":["post-5806","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-frozen-food","tag-kashi","tag-pizza"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3344,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2009\/04\/30\/news-new-veggie-kashi-pizza-varieties\/","url_meta":{"origin":5806,"position":0},"title":"NEWS: One of Kashi’s Latest Veggie Pizzas Fails To Keep It Real","author":"Marvo","date":"April 30, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Some of the things I think about when it comes to delicious pizza are how unhealthy they are, how greasy they are and what my face looked like when I was 13 years old, but health nutty companies like Kashi and Amy's are making pizzas a little bit healthier by\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":19495,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/01\/05\/spotted-on-shelves-152016\/","url_meta":{"origin":5806,"position":1},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 1\/5\/2016","author":"Marvo","date":"January 5, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. 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