![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/images\/smartrinse.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
The lack of a burning sensation in my mouth and an absence of alcohol in the ingredients list means that the Listerine Mint Shield Smart Rinse is either made for children or cry baby pussies. <\/p>\n
Back in my little man days, I only had the original formula Listerine and when it burned, it felt like a chlamydia-filled fiesta in my mouth. Whenever I felt that burn, I cried like a third grader who just pooped in his pants in the middle of class while learning cursive writing, but eventually I sucked it up and realized that the burn made me feel like it was working to make my breath antiseptic fresh.<\/p>\n
Today’s little snots have it easy with their Happy Meals, fruit-flavored toothpastes, child-proof medication bottles, and Capri Suns with straws that can actually poke through the bag. Why are we coddling our children with burn-less Listerine?<\/p>\n
Life is hard. Life is painful. Shouldn’t mouthwashes be as well? How are today’s children going to cope with the ups and downs of life if they’re not even faced with the agony of Listerine burn? Pain teaches us lessons. Burning your hands while taking something out of the microwave oven teaches us that gloves protect our hands. Being a public official and getting caught with a high-priced call girl teaches us that masturbation is okay.<\/p>\n
I feel sorry for those kids who have to settle for the Listerine Mint Shield Smart Rinse. Besides not causing a burning sensation, it’s not very minty. The Metromint Spearmint Water I drink to make me look like a sophisticated prick has more mint flavor than this. If it isn’t very minty, how am I going to mask my breath after making out with a low-priced call girl. <\/p>\n
Another difference between regular Listerine and this Listerine for Wussies is the amount of time vigorously swishing them in your mouth. Regular Listerine takes only 30 seconds, while the Smart Rinse takes one whole minute. Good luck getting your children to do that. <\/p>\n
What also sucks about the Listerine Mint Shield Smart Rinse is that you can’t eat or drink anything 30 minutes after rinsing. I don’t know what happens if you do, but I’m not about to find out, especially after what happened when I operated heavy machinery after taking NyQuil. Perhaps the worst thing about this product is the fact there there isn’t any alcohol in it, like regular Listerine does, which disappoints me because it would be so cute to see little kids tipsy from Listerine.<\/p>\n
Item:<\/b> Listerine Mint Shield Smart Rinse
\nPrice:<\/b> $4.76
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Wal-Mart
\nRating:<\/b> 5 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Helps prevent cavities. Handy squeeze measuring top. Masturbation. Gloves.
\nCons:<\/b> No Listerine burn. No alcohol. Mint Shield flavor is lame. Can’t eat or drink anything 30 minutes after rinsing. For pussies. Operating heavy machinery after drinking NyQuil. Life is hard.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The lack of a burning sensation in my mouth and an absence of alcohol in the ingredients list means that the Listerine Mint Shield Smart Rinse is either made for children or cry baby pussies. Back in my little man days, I only had the original formula Listerine and when it burned, it felt like […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1753],"class_list":["post-584","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-misc"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":357,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/05\/03\/vanilla-mint-listerine\/","url_meta":{"origin":584,"position":0},"title":"Vanilla Mint Listerine","author":"Marvo","date":"May 3, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"I can hear the cries from non-Listerine users who are afraid to use it. \"Wah! Wah! I can't handle Listerine because it burns! I'm a little wuss, that can't handle anything and I need my mommy to hold my hand, or else I'm going to cry like a little baby.\"\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7431,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/10\/04\/review-listerine-zero\/","url_meta":{"origin":584,"position":1},"title":"REVIEW: Listerine Zero","author":"Marvo","date":"October 4, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"The new Listerine Zero has no alcohol in it, which means it doesn't have the usual Listerine burn that causes some to curse oral hygiene. However, I enjoy the burning sensation because if I'm suffering while swishing Listerine for 60 seconds, I can imagine how much pain those millions of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Listerine Zero","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/c1.staticflickr.com\/5\/4128\/5049727056_14173efc72_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2706,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2009\/03\/16\/review-listerine-agent-cool-blue-glacier-mint\/","url_meta":{"origin":584,"position":2},"title":"REVIEW: Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint","author":"Marvo","date":"March 16, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Let's be honest. The Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint tinting rinse is basically a bullshit detector for parents to use on their children to ensure they're not lying about brushing their teeth. It's made for minors at least 6 years of age, which is when I learned the wonderful\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/03\/listerineagentcoolblueglacierm-600x600.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/03\/listerineagentcoolblueglacierm-600x600.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/03\/listerineagentcoolblueglacierm-600x600.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":4,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2004\/08\/09\/personal-natural-citrus-listerine-mouthwash\/","url_meta":{"origin":584,"position":3},"title":"REVIEW: Natural Citrus Listerine Mouthwash","author":"Marvo","date":"August 9, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"My first and only experience with the original Listerine came in the 1980s. 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Eventually\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2004\/08\/natcitruslisterrinemouthwash-600x600.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2004\/08\/natcitruslisterrinemouthwash-600x600.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2004\/08\/natcitruslisterrinemouthwash-600x600.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":7326,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/09\/20\/news-listerine-introduces-a-mouthwash-for-wusses\/","url_meta":{"origin":584,"position":4},"title":"NEWS: Listerine Introduces A Mouthwash for Wusses","author":"Marvo","date":"September 20, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Are you one of those weaklings who can't stand the burning sensation of Listerine? 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