![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/images\/asiansensationseggrolls.jpg\")
<\/center><\/p>\nBack in 1996, my life was at a crossroads \u00e2\u02c6\u2019 kind of like that crappy Britney Spears movie, I forget what it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s called. Anyways, it was a crazy time to be living. I had done some experimenting with alcohol and drugs, which was a big deal considering I was eight years old at the time. The only thing that kept me going was my torrid love affair with dance. It was during this time period that I became known as the Asian Sensation.<\/p>\n
In those days, political correctness had not yet spread throughout the country. My racially exploitive nickname was simple, catchy, and just as memorable as my jumping splits. Dancing was the only time I felt free. This was mostly because they kept me in a small cage when I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t dancing, but I digress. My upstart career came to an abrupt end when I grotesquely tore my groin muscles right off of the bone. I had not thought about dance since then until I tuned in to the new season of Dancing With the Stars<\/i> to indulge my irrational man-crush on Adam Carolla.<\/p>\n
All of the memories came rushing back to me, filling me with a deep sorrow fueled by the stagnation in my soles. I had to cope with my disappoint the same way that I always do: shopping and eating. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s one of my many ambiguously feminine traits. To my surprise, I came across egg rolls that shared my former moniker. They were Asian Sensations Chicken Egg Rolls, produced by the probably-not-Asian-but-sounds-Asian-enough-to-be-sort-of-authentic Schwan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s frozen food company. The picture on the box looked appetizing, so I decided to give it a shot.<\/p>\n
Once taken out of the box, I was cheered up by the fact that the individually-wrapped egg rolls were fairly substantial. One is big enough to pair with some fried rice for a filling lunch. I threw one in the toaster oven and waited as it cooked, tapping my toes all the while. When it finished, I tore it open to see its innards. It contained cabbage, processed chicken, celery, carrots, and onions, but all I could really see was chicken and cabbage. It was all I could taste too; the vegetables were chopped so fine that all of the texture was lost. Even worse, the indiscernible sauce was annoyingly sweet and added no spice or excitement to the experience. The egg rolls were edible, but certainly not deserving of the Asian Sensation name.<\/p>\n
Still feeling kind of down, I visited their website, AsianSensations.com, to see if it might be a porn site of some kind. It is not, but apparently I can win a private concert with singer Julie Roberts. This begs several questions. One \u00e2\u02c6\u2019 who the hell is Julie Roberts? Two \u00e2\u02c6\u2019 why is Asian Sensations promoting a white blonde as their big star? And finally \u00e2\u02c6\u2019 is \u00e2\u20ac\u0153private concert\u00e2\u20ac\u009d a thinly-veiled euphemism for \u00e2\u20ac\u0153hot sexual tryst?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n
Either way, none of it adds up and I haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been this confused since my high school crush explained that she was \u00e2\u20ac\u0153not necessarily un-attracted\u00e2\u20ac\u009d to me. Alas, it was another lesson learned: don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t look to egg rolls to solve your life problems.<\/p>\n
(Nutritional Facts – 1 egg roll – 140 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 mg of cholesterol, 400mg sodium, 20 grams of carbs, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 15% Vitamin A, 6% Vitamin C, 2% Calcium, and 8% Iron)<\/small><\/p>\n
Item:<\/b> Asian Sensations Chicken Egg Rolls
\nPrice:<\/b> $2.50
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Albertsons
\nRating:<\/b> 6 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Reasonably priced and fairly big egg rolls. Egg rolls are both microwaveable and oven-able. Being a badass on the dance floor. Possible contest sex with Julie Roberts.
\nCons:<\/b> Flavor is a little to sweet to eat by itself. Vegetables all come together in a soggy mass. Eating away your pain. Tearing groin muscles. Crushes that try to let you down easy but end up destroying your psyche instead.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Back in 1996, my life was at a crossroads \u00e2\u02c6\u2019 kind of like that crappy Britney Spears movie, I forget what it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s called. Anyways, it was a crazy time to be living. I had done some experimenting with alcohol and drugs, which was a big deal considering I was eight years old at the time. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[2310,1571],"class_list":["post-589","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-asian-sensations","tag-frozen-food"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":18928,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2015\/08\/12\/spotted-on-shelves-8122015\/","url_meta":{"origin":589,"position":0},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 8\/12\/2015","author":"Marvo","date":"August 12, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. If you've tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments. Trader Joe's Popcorn in a Pickle What kind of trouble can popcorn get into? (Spotted by\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Trader Joe's Popcorn in a Pickle","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm1.staticflickr.com\/273\/19882034714_66abfe9024_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":46173,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2021\/03\/18\/cinnamon-toast-crunch-cinnamilk-review\/","url_meta":{"origin":589,"position":1},"title":"REVIEW: Nestle Sensations Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cinnamilk","author":"Dustin","date":"March 18, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"As a Cinnamon Toast Crunch fan, I feel a personal obligation to try new foods that utilize its flavor. I have previously reviewed two Cinnamon Toast Crunch-themed items here. The ice cream was spot-on, but the creamer was a major let-down. With the release of the new Nestle Sensations Cinnamon\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/Nestle-Sensations-Cinnamon-Toast-Crunch-Cinnamilk-Top.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/Nestle-Sensations-Cinnamon-Toast-Crunch-Cinnamilk-Top.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/Nestle-Sensations-Cinnamon-Toast-Crunch-Cinnamilk-Top.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/Nestle-Sensations-Cinnamon-Toast-Crunch-Cinnamilk-Top.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/Nestle-Sensations-Cinnamon-Toast-Crunch-Cinnamilk-Top.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":61086,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2024\/03\/14\/spotted-nestle-sensations-kelloggs-frosted-flakes-cereal-flavored-milk\/","url_meta":{"origin":589,"position":2},"title":"SPOTTED: Nestle Sensations Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes Cereal Flavored Milk","author":"Marvo","date":"March 14, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"I could've sworn we already covered this, but maybe I'm confusing it with the Froot Loops one. (Spotted by Robbie at H-E-B.) If you\u2019re out shopping and see new products, snap a picture of them, and send them in via an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found them and \"Spotted\"\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/kelffmilk.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/kelffmilk.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/kelffmilk.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/kelffmilk.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/kelffmilk.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":49795,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2022\/01\/20\/spotted-nestle-sensations-kelloggs-froot-loops-cereal-flavored-milk\/","url_meta":{"origin":589,"position":3},"title":"SPOTTED: Nestle Sensations Kellogg’s Froot Loops Cereal Flavored Milk","author":"Marvo","date":"January 20, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Update: We tried it! Click here to read our review. Has Toucan Sam ever gotten milk up his beak? I'm looking at the image on the bottle and that splash looks like it could fly up his nose. I've accidentally inhaled milk with my nose and it's not fun. Oh,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/frootloopmilk.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/frootloopmilk.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/frootloopmilk.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/frootloopmilk.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/frootloopmilk.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":60447,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2024\/02\/05\/spotted-nestle-sensations-kelloggs-eggo-maple-waffle-flavored-milk\/","url_meta":{"origin":589,"position":4},"title":"SPOTTED: Nestle Sensations Kellogg’s Eggo Maple Waffle Flavored Milk","author":"Marvo","date":"February 5, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"Leggo my milko? 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