{"id":620,"date":"2008-06-03T15:01:40","date_gmt":"2008-06-04T01:01:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=620"},"modified":"2023-08-29T17:39:41","modified_gmt":"2023-08-30T03:39:41","slug":"tohato-caramel-corn-roasted-almond","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2008\/06\/03\/tohato-caramel-corn-roasted-almond\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" style=\"float:right;padding-left:10px;border:none;\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/images\/tohato.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><\/p>\n<p>OMGYAFC!!!  Oh.  My.  God.  You.  Are.  Fucking.  Cute.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t know whether to eat or to hug you, Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond.  Look at your face on your packaging.  You&#8217;re trying to balance an almond on your nose while caramel corn is being thrown at you.  <i>Totemo kawaii<\/i> (very cute).  I really don&#8217;t want to open you because I afraid I&#8217;m going to hurt you.  That look on your face looks like you&#8217;re prepared for the torture of having your top ripped open by filthy non-cute human hands.  Oh how I wish you weren&#8217;t cute, like a bag of Ruffles Potato Chips, a trash dumpster, or Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz&#8217;s wedding photos.<\/p>\n<p>But I&#8217;m sorry, little guy, I have to open you.  If I wasn&#8217;t hungry and didn&#8217;t need to review you, perhaps I could cuddle you a little longer.  Now I have to eat what could be considered your brains.  Are you ready, little guy?  At least you won&#8217;t have to worry about caramel corn being thrown at you anymore and perhaps you can open your eye again.  Let me just squeeze you one last time.  Hmm&#8230;Goodbye, my cute little Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond.  Goodbye.  <\/p>\n<p>(Opens bag and Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond exhales its last breath)<\/p>\n<p>NOOOO&#8230;Oh.  You&#8217;re not so cute inside.  I was expecting bright colors and flamboyant costumes, like being at a gay pride parade, but your innards look like all-you-can-eat fried shrimp from Red Lobster.  Not so <i>kawaii<\/i>.  I hope your flavor was worth killing you for.   <\/p>\n<p>Oh.  You&#8217;re like Cracker Jack-flavored Cheetos.  Wow, Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond, you&#8217;re really tasty and very addicting.  You&#8217;re so light, fluffy, and crunchy that I didn&#8217;t realize I just ate half of you.  You may not be cute and happy on the inside, like you are on the outside, but when I eat you, you make me happy on the inside.  I guess I&#8217;m going to have to find other cute little bags of Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond and kill them too.<\/p>\n<p><small>(Nutrition Facts &#8211; 28 grams (1\/3 of the bag) &#8211; 157 calories, 9 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 0 milligrams cholesterol, 54 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 0.3 grams of dietary fiber, 16.7 grams of sugar, 1 grams of protein, 1.5% calcium, 0.7% iron, and 100% kawaii.)<\/small><\/p>\n<p><b>Item:<\/b>  Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond<br \/>\n<b>Price:<\/b>  $1.99<br \/>\n<b>Purchased at:<\/b>  PriceBusters<br \/>\n<b>Rating:<\/b>  9 out of 10<br \/>\n<b>Pros:<\/b>  Fucking addictive.  Tastes like Cracker Jacks.  Light, fluffy, and crunchy.  Totemo kawaii packaging.<br \/>\n<b>Cons:<\/b>  Looks like all-you-can-eat fried shrimp.  Probably hard to find for most people since it&#8217;s a product of Japan.  Having to kill cute things.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>OMGYAFC!!! Oh. My. God. You. Are. Fucking. Cute. I don&#8217;t know whether to eat or to hug you, Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond. Look at your face on your packaging. You&#8217;re trying to balance an almond on your nose while caramel corn is being thrown at you. Totemo kawaii (very cute). I really don&#8217;t want [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1474,1536],"class_list":["post-620","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-chips","tag-japan"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":857,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2008\/08\/28\/tohato-ninja-snacks\/","url_meta":{"origin":620,"position":0},"title":"REVIEW: Tohato Ninja Snacks","author":"Marvo","date":"August 28, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"(Editor's Note: I'm pretty sure they're not called \"Ninja Snacks,\" but because there's a frickin' ninja on the packaging I'm calling them that.) 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