{"id":7725,"date":"2010-11-15T02:03:18","date_gmt":"2010-11-15T12:03:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=7725"},"modified":"2020-12-11T17:31:40","modified_gmt":"2020-12-12T03:31:40","slug":"review-jones-bacon-flavored-soda","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/11\/15\/review-jones-bacon-flavored-soda\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Jones Bacon Flavored Soda"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Jones<\/a><\/p>\n

Sometimes I feel like I’m the lamest member of the Jackass crew.<\/p>\n

I’m not willing to get kicked in the balls, have animals attack me on purpose, sit in a port-a-potty that’s about to get knocked over, or get my ass cheeks pierced together, but I’m willing to eat fast food items with 1,500+ milligrams of sodium and drink Jones Soda’s Bacon Flavored Soda.<\/p>\n

There isn’t a word in any language that properly describes how vile this bacon flavored soda tastes. Shit, I’m surprised I mustered the courage to taste it because a foul stench of artificial bacon wafted into my nasal passages as I brought my mouth towards the opening of the bottle. The smoky, nauseating aroma put my entire digestive system into defensive mode.<\/p>\n

Its flavor is extremely potent. It’ll grow hair on your chest, and if you’re somehow able to drink an entire bottle, it’ll probably grow a third nipple, as well. The bacon soda’s smoky and sweet flavor tastes like Jones Soda figured out a way to bottle the things that make babies cry: smoke and candy taken away from babies. <\/p>\n

Speaking of crying, drinking it made me tear up. It wasn’t a happy cry or a sad cry, it was more of a frantic “Mommy! Please make it stop!” cry. <\/p>\n

I only sipped my way though one-fifth of a bottle because sipping the reddish bacon soda is a chore. Every sip warranted several chasers of something that would get rid of that godawful taste from my mouth. <\/p>\n

While those chasers helped wash away the flavor from my taste buds, they did nothing for the memories etched into my brain. Each sip made those grooves deeper and deeper, and it already has reached to the point where just the thought of this bacon soda makes me gag. <\/p>\n

While my experience with it was bad, I really feel sorry for the Jones Soda employee or intern who had to taste test all the prototype versions of the Jones Bacon Flavored Soda. Because if the final version is horrible, all the test versions of it must have been worse.<\/p>\n

I hate to say this, but I think Jones Bacon Flavored Soda has ruined bacon for me. I’ve said on a number of occasions that bacon makes everything better, but this limited edition bacon flavored soda proved me wrong. Now, just the thought of a bacon cheeseburger makes me throw up a little in my mouth.<\/p>\n

Thanks, Jones Soda!<\/p>\n

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bottle\/12 ounces – 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 516 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein.)<\/small><\/p>\n

Item:<\/b> Jones Bacon Flavored Soda
\nPrice:<\/b> $9.99 (Bacon soda set)
\nSize:<\/b> 2-12 ounce bottles
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Jones Soda Website
\nRating:<\/b> 0 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> There’s a bacon flavored soda. Only 10 calories. May get you to quit bacon.
\nCons:<\/b> Godawful. Hard to get. Pricey. Artificial bacon stench. Ruined bacon for me. The prototype versions of this soda. Makes me cry. Its flavor is etched into my brain.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sometimes I feel like I’m the lamest member of the Jackass crew. I’m not willing to get kicked in the balls, have animals attack me on purpose, sit in a port-a-potty that’s about to get knocked over, or get my ass cheeks pierced together, but I’m willing to eat fast food items with 1,500+ milligrams […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1646,1488],"class_list":["post-7725","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-jones-soda","tag-soda"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":7866,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/11\/30\/announcement-jones-bacon-soda-winner\/","url_meta":{"origin":7725,"position":0},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: Jones Bacon Soda Winner!!!","author":"Marvo","date":"November 30, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Here's the winner of The Impulsive Buy's Jones Bacon Soda Winner Prize Drawing: Marc Congratulations to Marc, who will also be receiving a package of bacon flavored popcorn, a package of bacon gravy, a tube of bacon lip balm and moments of grimacing. Also, thank you to everyone who participated.","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7747,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/11\/16\/prize-drawing-because-i-aint-drinking-it\/","url_meta":{"origin":7725,"position":1},"title":"PRIZE DRAWING: Because I Ain’t Drinking It","author":"Marvo","date":"November 16, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Despite my review of how vomitous the Jones Bacon Soda smells and tastes, for some of you, the idea of drinking a bacon soda still tickles your curiosity. Well I'm here to satisfy that curiosity, clear some desk space and, maybe, get some pleasure from knowing that I'll be responsible\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Prize Drawing"","block_context":{"text":"Prize Drawing","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/prize-drawing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7680,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/11\/09\/news-find-out-if-self-proclaimed-bacon-lovers-really-do-love-it-with-jones-bacon-soda\/","url_meta":{"origin":7725,"position":2},"title":"NEWS: Find Out If Self-Proclaimed Bacon Lovers Really Do Love It With Jones Bacon Soda","author":"Marvo","date":"November 9, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Bacon Soda was inevitable, and it was also inevitable that the Jones Soda Company would be the one to do it. After years of producing soda flavors that no sane soda company would ever formulate, like dirt, turkey & gravy, corn on the cob, sweat, broccoli casserole and astroturf, it\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8925,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2011\/03\/24\/news-if-you-gave-up-bacon-for-lent-dennys-maple-bacon-sundae-will-be-waiting-for-you-on-easter-sunday\/","url_meta":{"origin":7725,"position":3},"title":"NEWS: If You Gave Up Bacon For Lent, Denny’s Maple Bacon Sundae Will Be Waiting For You On Easter Sunday","author":"Marvo","date":"March 24, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"I could write about the BBBLT Sandwich, the Triple Bacon Sampler, Pepper Bacon with Eggs, and Ultimate Bacon Breakfast that Denny's is rolling out for their bacon celebration called Baconalia, but those sound boring. (Yes, Baconalia is an actual festival.) I could also talk about their slightly unusual Baconalia dishes,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Fast Food News"","block_context":{"text":"Fast Food News","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/fast-food-news\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Irwindale Liar's Club\/Denny's sign","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm1.static.flickr.com\/44\/140754133_874cd712ef.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":11228,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2012\/02\/02\/review-jack-in-the-box-bacon-shake\/","url_meta":{"origin":7725,"position":4},"title":"REVIEW: Jack in the Box Bacon Shake","author":"Marvo","date":"February 2, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Jack in the Box's new Bacon Shake is damn intriguing, but it also sounds gross and I'm scared of it. I'm pretty sure I'm afraid of it because I haven't gotten over that time I spent with my lips around a Jones Bacon Soda. Oh dear, I just gagged. Will\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Jack in the Box Bacon Shake","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7034\/6809765105_0342f16a27.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":433,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2007\/01\/01\/jones-soda-2006-dessert-pack\/","url_meta":{"origin":7725,"position":5},"title":"Jones Soda 2006 Dessert Pack","author":"Marvo","date":"January 1, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"(Editor's Note: If you're a fan of clowns, have many wonderful childhood memories with clowns, your mother or father was a clown, or you're a clown, I'd suggest you skip this review. Why? Oh, there's, um, no particular reason, but just skip it.) Whether it be the creepy Ronald McDonald,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7725","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7725"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7725\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7725"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7725"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7725"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}