Hi! Hello? Is this thing on? I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 HELLO IMPULSIVE BUYERS! Oh \u00e2\u20ac\u201c okay, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s better.<\/p>\n
My name is Nichol. Long time follower, first time typewriter monkey.<\/p>\n
First off, I am a San Diegan, and therefore classy. <\/p>\n
I possess the heart and stomach of a Midwesterner, the eyes of a hawk, the legs of a jackal, the bosom of a traditional haus frau, and the stature of Napoleon Bonaparte. Maybe I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m lying about some of that, and maybe I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not, but in any case, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve probably got you picturing some sort of small monster banging away maniacally on a damaged keyboard in a dark room, and that, I can assure you, is a fairly accurate account of what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s happening.<\/p>\n
I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t eat canned tuna, barbequed Twinkies, or any foods that glow in the dark without mentioning it on the label. Aside from that, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m about as discerning as a half-starved Beagle and at least twice as curious. This will undoubtedly give all of you ample opportunity to revel in my regret, confusion, and outrage when things like gummy rats and off-brand frozen egg rolls turn out not to be delicious.<\/p>\n
I grew up in a small (but not tiny) town in the absolute middle of both Southern Illinois and nowhere. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d try to describe the exact location, but you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve probably never encountered any of the surrounding communities either, so suffice it to say I was like 65 miles from St. Louis and that was the closest notable metropolitan area. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d usually get the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153new\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153limited edition\u00e2\u20ac\u009d products months after everyone else in the developed world. This somehow made everything far more exciting and noteworthy. I like to think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve managed to bottle a bit of that overzealous commercial devotion and keep the magic alive even in this newfangled era of instant gratification. And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m re-opening that bottle just for you.<\/p>\n
Following that uneventfully quaint childhood, I went on to earn a dual degree in English and creative writing from the University of Illinois. Then I got bored with corn fields and ran off to the west coast on the coattails of my best friend. I am currently utilizing my degree through seasonal work, elder care and psych studies.<\/p>\n
Moving to an urban area has proved to be a truly novel, almost dazzling experience. For the first time in my life, I can buy things like name brand shoes without leaving the state or trusting the trench coat wearing man in the alley behind my house. Also, if I drive for ten minutes in any direction, I am pretty much guaranteed to hit an In-N-Out Burger. On the count of three let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all think about this and drool.<\/p>\n
I am always snarky, often unintentionally creepy, at best questionably sane, and beyond excited to be joining the team and info-taining you guys every once in awhile. I look forward to the many crunchy, processed, and\/or sugar coated experiences in which we will no doubt share in the near future here on TIB.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi! Hello? Is this thing on? I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 HELLO IMPULSIVE BUYERS! Oh \u00e2\u20ac\u201c okay, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s better. My name is Nichol. Long time follower, first time typewriter monkey. First off, I am a San Diegan, and therefore classy. I possess the heart and stomach of a Midwesterner, the eyes of a hawk, the legs of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[276],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7916","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-announcement"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":8365,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2011\/01\/18\/prize-drawing-because-chewing-gum-that-tastes-like-dessert-helps-you-keep-your-new-years-resolution-of-losing-weight-better-than-eating-actual-dessert\/","url_meta":{"origin":7916,"position":0},"title":"PRIZE DRAWING: Because Chewing Gum That Tastes Like Dessert Helps You Keep Your New Year\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Resolution of Losing Weight Better Than Eating Actual Dessert","author":"Marvo","date":"January 18, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"We have chewing gum; you have jaws. Let's make something happen. For this month's prize drawing, The Impulsive Buy will be giving away three sets of all three Extra Dessert Delights flavors -- Strawberry Shortcake, Key Lime Pie, and Mint Chocolate Chip. If you want to read a review, Nichol\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Extra Dessert Delights","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm6.static.flickr.com\/5083\/5368082383_241e9b9bba.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":11782,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2012\/04\/06\/announcement-new-impulsive-buy-reviewer-marisa\/","url_meta":{"origin":7916,"position":1},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Marisa","author":"Marisa","date":"April 6, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Dear Impulsive Buy readers, I never thought this would happen to me.... My name\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Marisa and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m humbled to be invited to join the team of writers here. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m East Coast born, West Coast raised and will swear up and down that I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have any sort of an accent.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9929,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2011\/08\/17\/announcement-new-impulsive-buy-reviewer-jeff\/","url_meta":{"origin":7916,"position":2},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Jeff","author":"Jeff","date":"August 17, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Hello...there I said it. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like saying hello. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m Jeff and what I do like is food found in gas stations, imbibing copious amounts of whiskey, and wearing blazers. I also like The Impulsive Buy. I came across this site when I was trying to track down Creamiscle Oreos\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7837,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/11\/29\/announcement-new-impulsive-buy-reviewer-jasper\/","url_meta":{"origin":7916,"position":3},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Jasper","author":"Jasper","date":"November 29, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Hello readers! I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m Jasper, one of The Impulsive Buy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s new reviewers. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have to keep this introduction short, since I wrote this on Taco Tuesday and I hate typing while sitting on the toilet. \"Whoa, a poop joke in his very first paragraph,\" you just gasped. Yeah, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s right. I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3292,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2009\/04\/28\/announcement-new-writer-ends-the-sausagefest-at-the-impulsive-buy\/","url_meta":{"origin":7916,"position":4},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: New Writer Ends The Sausagefest at The Impulsive Buy","author":"Kayla","date":"April 28, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"The glass ceiling has been broken, and I was the one who whipped out her .357 Magnum Lara Croft-style and shattered that sucker into a million pieces. Actually, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not that badass, but I will be the first writer sans schlong here at The Impulsive Buy. And yes, I used\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":111,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2004\/12\/29\/glad-forceflex-kitchen-trash-bags\/","url_meta":{"origin":7916,"position":5},"title":"REVIEW: Glad ForceFlex Kitchen Trash Bags","author":"Marvo","date":"December 29, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Editor's Note: Sorry for the late review today. The Impulsive Buy had to do some extra testing with today's product to see if they would make great ghost costumes for kids. Long story short, they definitely do not, especially if the drawstrings are pulled. The Impulsive Buy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s goal is to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Glad ForceFlex Kitchen Trash Bags","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7160\/6486230001_41e5310264.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7916","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/14"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7916"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7916\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7916"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7916"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7916"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}