{"id":88,"date":"2004-11-30T00:39:46","date_gmt":"2004-11-30T10:39:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/?p=88"},"modified":"2023-08-14T18:19:58","modified_gmt":"2023-08-15T04:19:58","slug":"kms-hair-stay-styling-gel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2004\/11\/30\/kms-hair-stay-styling-gel\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: KMS Hair Stay Styling Gel"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"kmsgel\"\/<\/a><\/p>\n

Sorry there wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a review yesterday. <\/p>\n

I thought it was going to be easy getting over the bright lights, booze, buffets, brisk weather, booze, Blue Man Group<\/a>, boobs, and booze of Las Vegas. It took a day to recover, but now I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m back to normal.<\/p>\n

Anyway, every year my hair stylist gives me a gift for Christmas, which consists of hair products. Last Christmas, she gave me KMS Hair Gel. However, I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have a chance to use it, since at about the same time I found the GREATEST HAIR GEL EVER<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Recently, I ran out of the GREATEST HAIR GEL EVER, so I was forced to use the KMS Hair Gel.<\/p>\n

After a few days of using it, I found that the KMS Hair Gel broke my Three Laws of Hair Gel: (1) Must smell good. (2) Stiffness must last significantly longer than Levitra. (3) Must not flake and make it appear like I have REALLY bad dandruff.<\/p>\n

The GREATEST HAIR GEL EVER met all of these qualifications with flying colors, but unfortunately the KMS Hair Gel failed badly at all three. First, it had this weird chemical smell. Second, the stiffness disappeared quickly, just like when I got caught masturbating by my mom. Finally, it made my hair look like I took a walk while it was snowing. Unfortunately, here in the middle of the Pacific Ocean it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t snow, so no one will think it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s snow.<\/p>\n

So after a few days of limp, chemical-smelling hair with white flakes, I frantically headed over to my hair stylist like I was a crackhead or a Walmart shopper waiting to buy a $30 DVD player. I bought more of the GREATEST HAIR GEL EVER and promised it that I would never stray again.<\/p>\n

Now before I found out how crappy the KMS Hair Gel was, I wanted to give my hair stylist something in return for the gift she gave me. I thought about a few things I could give her, but I felt those things weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t appropriate, since they were in my wet dreams. Also, I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to spend money, because as many of you know, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a cheap bastard.<\/p>\n

So I decided to write and perform a song for her, which I called, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Sexiest Man Alive.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n

(Note: I REALLY suck at playing the guitar and I REALLY have a horrible singing voice.)<\/p>\n

The Sexiest Man Alive<\/b><\/p>\n


\nCan I get a Mohawk, just like Mr. T?
\nI\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll use 1-800-C-O-L-L-E-C-T.
\nI\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll buy some gold chains and pity the fool.
\nI can help people save a buck or two.<\/p>\n

You could shave off all my hair, just like that.
\nI would look like Homer Simpson or Kojak.
\nI think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d look rugged and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d look mean,
\nBut my head would burn without sunscreen<\/p>\n

My hair is yours to do what you like.
\nMy hair maybe a mess, but do what you can.
\nDon\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t butcher it like I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m at Fantastic Sams.
\nTrim the top and cut short the sides.
\nJust make me the sexiest man alive.<\/p>\n

I wanna look like MC Hammer in 1990?
\nShave in some lines and words and make it shiny.
\nI\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll sing \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Touch This\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and learn to dance.
\nAnd I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll even buy some baggy sequence pants.<\/p>\n

I think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like a bowl haircut instead.
\nIs there a bowl big enough to fit on my head?
\nJust put the bowl on and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have it made.
\nIt\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the same haircut I had in the second grade.<\/p>\n

My hair is yours to do what you like.
\nIf I wanted dreadlocks, you won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make a fuss.
\nYou\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re a billion times better than Supercuts.
\nTurn my hair blond or make it dyed.
\nJust make me the sexiest man alive.<\/p>\n

Would you give me a perm if I asked?
\nI\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve never had to wear a shower cap.
\nWonder what it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like to have some curls?
\nI think I would probably look like a little girl.<\/p>\n

Braiding my hair into cornrolls, is that okay?
\nI wanna look like I play in the NBA.
\nIt takes a lot of time, but could you do it please.
\nI know it won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t look right because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m Japanese.<\/p>\n

My hair is yours to do what you like.
\nNo Flowbee could do what you can.
\nLike prevent me from looking stupid cutting my hair with a vacuum in my hand.
\nPut some hair gel on and after it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s dried.
\nJust maybe I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be the sexiest man alive.
\n<\/i><\/p>\n

Item:<\/b> KMS Hair Stay Styling Gel
\nPurchase Price:<\/b> FREE
\nRating:<\/b> 2 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> It was free.
\nCons:<\/b> Hold doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t last. Flakes easily. Chemical smell. WORST HAIR GEL EVER!!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sorry there wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a review yesterday. I thought it was going to be easy getting over the bright lights, booze, buffets, brisk weather, booze, Blue Man Group, boobs, and booze of Las Vegas. It took a day to recover, but now I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m back to normal. Anyway, every year my hair stylist gives me a gift […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1753],"class_list":["post-88","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-misc"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":67,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2004\/10\/26\/sexy-hair-concepts-hard-up-hair-gel\/","url_meta":{"origin":88,"position":0},"title":"Sexy Hair Concepts Hard Up Hair Gel","author":"Marvo","date":"October 26, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Why is it that blue colored products are great at making things hard? First it was Viagra and now it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Sexy Hair Concepts Hard Up hair gel. Over the years, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve tried so many products to get my hair up, but nothing worked. Some products made it stiff for a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1624,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2008\/12\/29\/axe-dark-temptation-shower-gel\/","url_meta":{"origin":88,"position":1},"title":"REVIEW: Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel","author":"Marvo","date":"December 29, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm pretty sure that despite what Axe shows in their commercials, no guy has ever gotten laid because of an Axe body spray, deodorant, or shower gel. Some guy might say it was, but I'm positive that he got laid for other reasons, like alcohol, the woman's need for a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":125,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/01\/18\/edge-advanced-shaving-gel\/","url_meta":{"origin":88,"position":2},"title":"Edge Advanced Shaving Gel","author":"Marvo","date":"January 18, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Being the editor of a quasi-product review blog has a lot of perks. I get to try new things, meet a lot of nice people, and beautiful women want to hang out with me. Okay, the last one isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t true. 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