REVIEW: Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Chocolate Clusters

I do not know if any of you noticed, but Honey Bunches of Oats is reproducing like rabbits and I bet people in China are pissed. While each couple in China can have only one child, an asexual semi-healthy cereal can have seven offspring, with the possibility of more. I bet you right now that Honey Bunches of Oats is off somewhere breeding. Its most recent spawn is the Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Chocolate Clusters.

With a plethora of Honey Bunches of Oats variations, I am wondering when it is going to stop popping out new flavors. Right now, there is Honey Bunches of Oats Honey Roasted, Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Strawberries, Honey Bunches of Oats with Cinnamon Clusters, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Peaches, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas, Honey Bunches of Oats with Vanilla Clusters and of course, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Chocolate Clusters.

You know what? Maybe Honey Bunches of Oats is a polygamist and part of the Fundamentalist Crunchy Cereal Church and it lives with all of its Honey Bunches of Oats wives in a secluded ranch in the middle of Texas. Oh, the inbreeding could lead to some fucked up offspring, like Honey Bunches of Oats with Bacon, Honey Bunches of Oats with Fluoride or Honey Bunches of Oats with Honey Bunches of Oats.

Anyway, I am exciting about Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Chocolate Clusters because it means we are one step closer to having Little Chocolate Donuts on our breakfast table. Fortunately, this cereal comes with real semi-sweet chocolate (with cocoa butter) and not that “chocolatey” bullshit, which looks good on the outside, but do a little digging and you’ll have a bitter taste in your mouth. Unless a bitter taste in your mouth is something you are into and willing to pay extra for.

Like I wrote in the previous paragraph, this cereal has semi-sweet chocolate, which makes sense because having sweet chocolate would be retarded in a cereal that supposed to be healthy. Unfortunately, the semi-sweet chocolate clusters gives the cereal a really weak chocolate flavor and I was hoping that Barney Rubble would give me some his stolen Cocoa Pebbles to mix with this cereal.

Despite its weak chocolate flavor, I have to say that it is one of my favorite Honey Bunches of Oats variations. It has got the whole grain goodness for the adult in me, the chocolate goodness for the kid in me, and it allows me to buy a chocolate cereal that doesn’t make me look like a pathetic bachelor, puerile adult, or possible pedophile.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup – 120 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 65 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbs, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 7 grams of sugar, 16 grams of other carbs, 2 grams of protein, a whole lot of vitamins and minerals, and 1 step closer to getting mini Hershey’s Kisses into a cereal.)

Item: Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Chocolate Clusters
Price: $4.00 (on sale – 14.5 ounces)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Real chocolate in it. Clusters are crunchy. Honey Bunches of Oats. One step closer to having Little Chocolate Donuts. Vitamins and minerals.
Cons: Chocolate didn’t stand out. My excessive use of “Honey Bunches of Oats” in this review (to kill some time, count the number of times I used it). Honey Bunches of Oats with Fluoride. Chocolatey bullshit.

24 thoughts on “REVIEW: Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Chocolate Clusters

  1. I would think that not looking like a pathetic bachelor, puerile adult, or possible pedophile would all be pros…in spite of that, this flavor sounds a bit too weird for me to consider trying. But then, I do like Mini-Wheats Frosted Maple & Brown Sugar, which I never would have thought was possible until I took the plunge and poured myself a bowl.

  2. Who knew a box of cereal could share so much in common with the humans who devour them? (welfare fraud, excessive offspring, bitter) Don’t beat up on the Honey Bunches of Oats, though – they’re just a little horny.

    I like the Honey Roasted variety the best and although I haven’t tried these, i’m not really a “chocolate in the morning” type of guy.

  3. angry bob tactfully refrains from a “reaping what you sow” comment.

    Given the context, aren’t all the adjectives in the following list redundant?

    pathetic bachelor
    puerile adult
    possible pedophile

  4. As a recent import from the UK I’ve yet to try any Honey Bunches cereal. After this review I think I’ll give them a try.

    A question for Marvo: Is it hard to stay slim with all the weird foods you try out? I know from a previous post (Jergens lotion) that you have sexy legs, but I’m wondering about the rest of you. Yours pervily,

  5. Oh please.

    What about Oreo’s? There are at LEAST 10 different varieties of those fuckers? Or Doritos? Or Chips Ahoy cookies?

  6. I find Honey Bunches of Oats to be punk bitches when it comes to the flakes. They’re yummy, but they fall apart easily; they’re paper thin.

    These are better than the Special K, huh? 😉

  7. Barney Rubble’s stolen cocoa pebbles..hehe

    I can’t see how this would be better than regular honey bunches of oats, but the review was hilarious..

  8. What’s next?? Honey Bunches Of Oats w/ Chocolate Yogurt Covered Chocolate Clusters? I’m waiting for Honey Bunches Of Oats w/ Used Strips Of Dental Floss Clusters…Eh, any variety of that cereal gives me nausea…sspecially the Honey Bunches Of Oats With Daryl Hall & John Oates Clusters…

  9. oh damn, now Im going to have to nuke some marshmallows and turn this stuff into cereal bars.. bet they will make good ones. try it with the strawberry version too.. my kids will eat the whole pan before they set.

  10. I’d eat Honey Bunches of Oats with Bacon. I mean what isn’t improved with the awesomeness of bacon? Theres even a donut in Portland that has bacon on it. Mmm bacon.

  11. “Or maybe Honey Bunches of Oats is a polygamist and part of the Fundamentalist Crunchy Cereal Church and it lives with all of its Honey Bunches of Oats wives in a secluded ranch in the middle of Texas.”
    Oh no, the authorities will come and confiscate all of the children and our cereal aisles will be EMPTY, except for all of the Special K variations!

  12. If you were really lazy, would you have counted? I don’t think so. You’re probably not Canadian, either.

    Besides, the correct answer is 4624* times.

    * angry bob might have been reading between the lines on one or two of those. Also, he might have made the number up.

  13. Terry – I am.

    Chuck – Oh Frosted Mini-Wheat the first cereal to ease the transition from sugary kids cereals to wholesome adult cereals.

    Ryan – I’ve been a chocolate in the morning guy since college when I would eat a bag of peanut M&Ms for breakfast.

    rebekah – It could be worse. It could say Real Honey Bunches with Real Oats. That would be scarier.

    angry bob – There are many pathetic bachelors who aren’t possible pedophiles, they’re just socially inept and have no game.

    StephanieS – Actually, to be honest, if I got a lot more exercise, I would probably have a healthy weight. I’m about 20 pounds heavier than I should be, but my legs continue to be sextacular.

    Sass – Yes, Kit Kat is reproducing like cats, especially in foreign countries. I think there are dozens of Kit Kat varieties around the world.

    Ben – You are right, but I’m afraid that one day Honey Bunches of Oats will rule the cereal shelf.

  14. Brie – I think these are better tasting than Special K, but less healthy.

    skibs – If Fred Flintstone was smart, he would lock himself in a windowless room with a shotgun and enjoy his Cocoa Pebbles.

    Alex Lifeson – Oh the mustache hair that must come with the Honey Bunches of Oats with Hall & Oates Clusters.

    Bikerbabeee – Stick some marshmallows on me and roll me around in cereal, and I bet I would make a decent cereal bar.

    that little broad – Even The Hills is improved by the awesomeness of bacon, when the slices are placed over my eyes.

    Shannon – DO IT!!! DO IT NOW!!!

    nat – …and Kashi cereals.

    The Lazy Canadian – Honey Bunches of Oats. Honey Bunches of Oats. Honey Bunches of Oats. Honey Bunches of Oats. Honey Bunches of Oats. Honey Bunches of Oats. Honey Bunches of Oats. Honey Bunches of Oats. Honey Bunches of Oats. Honey Bunches of Oats. Honey Bunches of Oats.

    angry bob – I think you need an abacus or more fingers and toes to help you count.

  15. Context, Marvo, context. You either look like a pedophile or you don’t, not a possible one.

    angry bob has some extra digits in jars in the basement, but he already made up a number, so why bother walking all the way down there? Besides, it’s dark in there and smells funny.

  16. Sounds like a bad idea to me. I’m a Honey Bunches of Oats Classic and w/ Almonds purist.

    Besides…I only like chocolate in my super sweet cereal, not my bowel inducing cereal (although it’s not as strong as Raisin Bran. That shit will make you gassy and give you movements like there’s no tomorrow.)

  17. sextacular… yes your legs are sextacular!

    and your ingrown hair studded chest is sextacular too!

    also you laughing to cover up the pain chin, and your cewbacha-esque armpits are sextacular! whooo marvo!!!

    *this was an ego booster, in hopes that it gives you the confidence to pick up a pretty hooker who wont steal your appliances while you sleep

  18. angry bob – I hope you have those digits preserved in some kind of liquid.

    Reprobate – I would put Magic Shell on this if I already did use it all up.

    MintWrecker – Don’t worry, I no longer have appliances to steal, thanks to all the other hookers.

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