Cocoa Puffs Combos

I thought the idea of going cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs was preposterous, like the belief that eating Trix will turn you into a prostitute. For years, I ate the brown balls of naturally and artificially flavored sweetened corn cereal and nothing ever happened to me. There was no bouncing off walls, no instantaneous urges to hump mailboxes, no desire to walk around in nothing but a coconut bra and grass skirt, no yearning for yogurt baths, and no longing to stalk an F-list celebrity and become them by wearing their skin like a coat, all the while screaming at the top of my lungs, “I’m cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!”

However, that changed one morning while partaking in a bowl of Cocoa Puffs and skim milk. I don’t know whether it was the whole grains in it or the fact I was eating it out of a bowl I made in the seventh grade that was coated in a lead-based glaze, but I suddenly went cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. One moment I was eating cereal and then the next moment I was dancing around my apartment in what I believe was a homemade cosplay outfit made out of wax paper, food coloring, cardboard boxes and a strategically placed wash cloth. Ever since that episode, I’ve stayed away from Cocoa Puffs, which disappointed me since I <3 Cocoa Puffs and the chocolatey milk it makes.

However, the folks at General Mills recently introduced a cereal called Cocoa Puffs Combos, which has not only naturally and artificially flavored chocolate cereal, but also naturally and artificially flavored vanilla cereal. I thought this was my opportunity to enjoy Cocoa Puffs again, albeit with a vanilla chaser that I hoped would lessen the cuckoo side effects. Take a look at the video below to see how that went.

Obviously, with the addition of the vanilla cereal, the Cocoa Puffs Combos was significantly less chocolatey than regular Cocoa Puffs. However, it wasn’t just the vanilla cereal causing this, which by the way, hardly had any vanilla flavor. The Cocoa Puffs Combos chocolate cereal wasn’t even being close to being as chocolatey as the cereal in regular Cocoa Puffs. It’s like the white vanilla cereal was keeping the brown chocolate cereal down.

Overall, the Cocoa Puffs Combos was disappointing because I expected it to be a little more chocolatey than it was and it didn’t lessen the effects of Cocoa Puffs to a non-embarrassing level. Not even the milk was worth drinking and every time I don’t drink my cereal milk, a dairy cow cries milk from its udder. Chocolate and vanilla may go great together as soft serve ice cream flavors or as a metaphor for interracial dating, but doesn’t do very well in this cereal.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup – 110 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 40 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 11 grams of other carbohydrates, 1 gram of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to the TIB reader who suggested we review Cocoa Puffs Combos. The reader didn’t leave their name, so no two seconds of internet fame for them.)

Item: Cocoa Puffs Combos
Price: $5.99
Size: 11.7 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Good for those who don’t like sweet cereal. Vitamins and minerals. Soft serve swirl. Regular Cocoa Puffs and the chocolatey milk it makes. Doesn’t make me cuckoo enough to do something REALLY embarrassing, just slightly embarrassing.
Cons: Not as chocolatey as I hoped. Less chocolate didn’t lessen the effects of Cocoa Puffs to a non-embarrassing level. Chocolate cereal was mediocre compared with regular Cocoa Puffs. Vanilla cereal wasn’t very vanilla. Going cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Me dancing in a dress and posting it on YouTube for the world to see.

63 thoughts on “Cocoa Puffs Combos

  1. I’m a little disappointed. I was hoping for a coconut bra and a grass skirt although you did look quite fine in the dress.

  2. You are a very attractive he-she, Marvo!

    And while we’re on the subject of he-shes, this iteration of cocoa puffs sounds like a stage Michael Jackson went through. We had the dark stage, in which he did some of his best work, and now we have a lighter stage, in which everything is not as good as the original. When, and IF, vanilla cocoa puffs come out, is it too much to ask for a pole dance video?

  3. My dad was really excited a few months back when this came out. He bought a few boxes, saying it was going to be the best thing ever — he cried afterwards. Okay, no, but I thought it was funny that you disliked it too. I don’t have any amusing cereal stories; one time, I remember eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles, then passing out on the couch and having nightmares about someone trying to murder me. I guess that’s as amusing as it gets, which is not very. God, Fruity Pebbles scare me now.

  4. “It’s like the white vanilla cereal was keeping the brown chocolate cereal down.”

    So it’s like a bowl full of racial tension? What kind of vitamins and minerals does that provide?

  5. Why do you never show us your face in videos/pictures? Are you afraid of being accosted on the streets by loyal TIB readers that recognize you?

    And I’m all for overly chocolate things, so I shall avoid this.

  6. Natalie, Marvo is too sexy for his shirt, too sexy for his love, too sexy for his car, and so sexy it hurts. He’s doing us a favor by not showing his face. Either that, or he’s got the mother of all blackheads.

  7. Can anyone who tries Cocoa Puffs expect that sort of reaction? If so, I am bringing a box to the next office potluck.

  8. $5.99 for 1 box? Thank God for Super Walmart.

    Marvo,

    Review the new Star Bucks Oatmeal. We want to know if it’s any good.

  9. $5.99 for a BOX? Holy Shiite. I’d have to be cuckoo to pay that much for cereal, although I know things are pricey on your Pacific Rock.

  10. Can they really call that a combo ? I mean maybe if they had some strawberry in the mix.

    The video was hilarious !

  11. Shake it Marvo! The dress suits you, you should expand on that part of your wardrobe. I must say that I can go just as coo coo for cocoa puffs. . .but I tend to not have a camera around~ ^___^

  12. Long-time lurker…. that was fantastic Marvo! You shld do a little jig with every review fom now on, seriously!

  13. Also, I should mention I’m strictly a Cocoa Pebbles (and sometimes Cocoa Krispies) man. i just think it satisfies that choco-tooth more than cocoa puffs.

  14. That is a huge disapointment.. but kudos for you on actually putting it in a bowl with milk. Cereal like that gets eaten straight from the box in my house!!

    Kate – too funny!!

    Bunny – it is really good!!

  15. I would like to see you do that dance in a dress or, in honor of your Hawaiian home, hula skirt out of nothing but puffs.

    I take issue with you suggesting that it’s vanilla holding cocoa down though. If it’s half vanilla puffs how can they still call it cocoa puffs? Vanilla feels left out. In an effort to make things more PC, I suggest they change the name to Flavor Puffs.

  16. i believe the coconut bra and grass skirt requires a few margaritas and a jimmy buffett concert. cereal optional.

    re the video? more than i need to know, marvo, more than i need to know.

  17. I actually love this cereal – it’s the perfect combination of chocolate and vanilla. I eat it as a snack or dessert. If you only like chocolate, eat regular Cocoa Puffs, but if you’re like me and like a little variety, the two flavors go great together.

    And it’s healtheir than ice cream or candy!! Yummmmm!

  18. I actually love this cereal – it’s the perfect combination of chocolate and vanilla. I eat it as a snack or dessert. If you only like chocolate, eat regular Cocoa Puffs, but if you’re like me and like a little variety, the two flavors go great together.

    And it’s healther than ice cream or candy!! Yummmmm!

  19. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA… I love that YouTube video. And I love CocoPuffs for making it so. 🙂

  20. Sofa King funny- thanks for the video, it totally made the review!!! I laughed hard and often.

    Keep shakin’ it!

  21. I think the Coco Puffs defense would work in a court case.

    “But, Your Honor, I was Cuckoo for Coco Puffs!”

    “Case dismissed!”

    LOL

    Also, you are hot in a dress. Or at least better looking than I’d be if I wore the same thing. 🙂

  22. BTW, Bunny–I just had a cup of Starbucks oatmeal yesterday (thankfully I got a coupon for a free one!) and it sucked. It’s very bland. You’ll probably need to add sugar.

  23. I’m also a long time lurker, but that video made me laugh out loud at work so I had to comment! Marvo, you could get a gig at Venus nightclub with those dance moves!

    Does it make me want to try the Coco Puffs? You bet!

  24. Oh, Marvo. If you were just ten years older and I was ten years younger, and Hawaii was closer and my husband was dead… you know, IF all those things were true… then I could laugh at you in person. Sigh. 😉

  25. @MCW – I thought because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, the coconut bra and grass skirt would be too obvious.

    @Reprobate – Believe it or not, video of that exists somewhere in the world. Unfortunately, I do not have that footage.

    @Name – Damn, I love/hate combo breakers.

    @Heidi – Boo Berry cereal scares me.

    @Kate – Racial tension provides negative vitamins and minerals.

    @Zach – I also make children weep even more.

    @Natalie – I’m afraid of accosting loyal TIB readers on the street. Getting restraining orders on me is not fun.

    @michelle – Such is the pleasure of living on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and having everything shipped via boat.

    @Reprobate – Or I’m a cyclops.

    @Maria – As with most medications, results will vary.

    @rossitron – It’s called Shake It by Metro Station. Their lead singer is Miley Cyrus’ brother.

    @Bunny – Who is we? If it’s an army of people, I’ll give it a try.

    @Chuck – I wish they were on sale, but were not. So I had the pay the Hawaii Tax.

  26. @Jess – They could call it a tango. Because as you know, it only takes two to tango.

    @Ace – It will be an extra on my future sex tape.

    @stephanie – Unfortunately, I have shitty lighting and it was hard to tell that the dress was purple, but it was easy to see that I made that dress look good.

    @Sea Hag – You wouldn’t be turned on if there wasn’t a censored bar across my ass.

    @Amy – I always have a camera rolling because I never know when I’m going to dance in a dress.

    @LondonCalling – That is too much physical movement for me. I would probably pull something.

    @Reprobate – Cocoa Krispies disappoints me every time. Not chocolatey enough for me.

    @Timothy – If I eat more fast food, I won’t live too long.

    @Lex – Usually with round cereals l like to make a bed of them and lie on them and let them massage me.

    @LordJezo – I’m preparing for the upcoming winter season.

    @armauld – I don’t think those balls of cereal would cover my balls of cereal well.

    @Jon – Nope. I felt it was sexier to have hair coming out of my cleavage.

    @bionic bunny! – I could’ve let you know more, but that would ruin the mystery that is the Marvo.

    @Neil – I agree.

    @Reprobate – I say they could be named Othello Puffs.

    @lucy – But doesn’t taste better than ice cream or candy.

  27. @She Ra – You’re welcome.

    @Nevis – Sadly, that’s the ONLY move I have.

    @shNermal – Sorry, I don’t have footage of that.

    @Alisha – I shook it.

    @betsy – Yes, thank you, Metro Station. Although I thought about reusing the Jumbo Hot Dog song from a previous video.

    @Aimee – Virtual high five!

    @LK – Thanks!

    @Sheri – I’ll try, but I’m afraid of dislocating my hip.

    @mikesblender – Imagine what my parents are thinking.

    @Rachel – I got a little belly puff though.

    @Kevster – I would probably scare all the gay men away.

    @JJ – There’s probably worse things on YouTube.

    @Mir – Oh, so you like older guys.

    @NobleArc, The Lazy Canadian – It was like a slap in the face…with my ass.

    @Bubu – Nope, it’s not as soft as an American Apparel dress. I wonder if I would be sexually harassed in an American Apparel dress.

  28. I like your interpretive dance T-shirt. Is it the one from Threadless?

    I love it when you post videos! That was hilarious.

  29. Well… they are kinda pink. Pinky-brown? Crayola should come up with a good wiener-colored crayon. I think I might suggest it to them.

  30. @RunsWithSoda – Yup, it’s from Threadless. I <3 Threadless.

    @Sea Hag – I’m sure you could mix a few colors together to get the right fleshy shade.

  31. But think of the marketing campaign Crayola could do! You could have a whole pack to teach kids about sex. Penis Pink! Vagina Violet! Gonorrhea Green!

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