There’s the Antichrist and then there’s the Anti-Rice Krispies Treat, which I consider the Quaker Maple Brown Sugar High Fiber Oatmeal to Go Bar to be. Instead of giving me a moment of crunchy, marshmallowy bliss like I would receive with a wonderful Rice Krispies Treat, these fiber bricks bring despair. It’s not its taste that saddens me, although I’ll get to that in a moment, it’s the fact that I now have to change my diet to make up for my years of poor dietary choices by eating the recommended daily amount of fiber. If I could get 25 grams of fiber from energy drinks, potato chips, cocaine, and anything I can heat up in a microwave, I’d be set and regular.
Like Cliff Notes and Kim Kardashian trying to put on a pair of jeans, the Quaker Maple Brown Sugar High Fiber Oatmeal to Go Bar crams a lot into a small package. How high in fiber are these bricks of oatmeal? One bar has 10 grams of dietary fiber and six grams of soluble fiber, which is more than twice the amounts found in a 1/2 cup serving of plain Wilford Brimley-promoted Quaker Oats. Eating just one of these high fiber breakfast bars provides 40 percent of a person’s recommended daily amount of fiber. Consuming two of these high fiber bars at one time provides 80 percent. Devouring three of these bars in one sitting provides a good reason to stay close to a toilet.
The Quaker High Fiber Oatmeal to Go Bar is a dense, moist oatmeal cookie with a grainy and chewy texture that lets you know you’re getting 10 grams of dietary fiber and six grams of soluble fiber whether you like it or not. I enjoyed this big bar of fiber because it’s much sweeter and tastier than regular Quaker Maple & Brown Sugar instant oatmeal and you don’t need a spoon to eat it. Despite how sweet it was, the frosting drizzle on top seemed to be more for aesthetics than anything else. What does make them better, besides eating them nyotaimori-style, is warming them in the microwave for 10 seconds, which the packaging recommended.
However, not everything was so sweet with these Oatmeal to Go Bars. Two things that really freaked me out was the use of high fructose corn syrup, which is fine in moderation (but seems to be in everything), and the extremely long ingredients list, which had more items than a My Super Sweet 16 birthday party wish list. But overall it’s nice to be able to eat something that has almost half of my recommended daily intake of fiber, even if it does bring me to a state of despair.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 210 calories, 1 gram saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 1 gram polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram monounsaturated fat, 15 milligrams cholesterol, 230 milligrams sodium, 150 milligrams potassium, 43 grams carbohydrates, 10 grams dietary fiber, 6 grams soluble fiber, 13 grams sugar, 4 grams protein, 20% vitamin A, 0% vitamin C, 15% calcium, 25% iron, 20% thiamin, 20% riboflavin, 20% niacin, 20% vitamin B6, 20% folic acid, 10% phosphorus, 10% magnesium, and 5 minutes spent with your favorite toilet)
Item: Quaker Maple Brown Sugar High Fiber Oatmeal to Go
Price: FREE
Size: 6 pack
Purchased at: Given by nice PR people, who continue to amaze me because they keep sending us stuff.
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Sweeter and tastier than regular maple and brown sugar instant oatmeal. High fiber. Provides 40% of daily value of fiber. Convenient. Vitamins and minerals. Rice Krispies Treats. Eating these nyotaimori-style.
Cons: Grainy and chewy texture that lets you know you’re getting 10 grams of dietary fiber and six grams of soluble fiber whether you like it or not. Very long ingredients list. Brings me to a state of despair. Contains high fructose corn syrup. A My Super Sweet 16 wish list. Eating three of these in one sitting.