There’s a nine-year-old out there who thinks the Oscar Mayer Lunchables Grilled Chicken Wrapz is the greatest muthafucking thing ever. Okay, if that nine-year-old was a drunken sailor, then they would probably think that, but I don’t totally agree with that rum-filled, foul-mouthed kid.
This kid-sized meal consisted of wheat tortillas, grilled chicken breasts, ranch sauce, and mild taco sauce for two wrapz. It also included a fun-sized Nestle Crunch bar and the greatness beverage in pouch form EVER, a fruit punch Capri Sun. Out of all the things that were included, I was the most excited about the Capri Sun, because I enjoy products from the 1980s, I get to stab something with a plastic straw and not get arrested for it, and there’s only one Capri Sun. It’s great tasting fun when you punch open one.
The Capri Sun was the most exciting thing about this Lunchables, but the grilled chicken wrapz were the main entree. With most Lunchables that contain chicken, it isn’t required to heat the chicken before eating since it is already pre-cooked. If I were a parent feeding it to my child, the cold chicken would probably bother me, but as a thirtysomething-year-old male without children who is hungry, it doesn’t really bother me at all. A degree from the Universidad de Taco Bell isn’t necessary to put a wrap together. All you do is lay out the tortilla, spread out some chicken, squirt some ranch sauce, drizzle some taco sauce, roll it up, and then hope some schoolyard bully doesn’t threaten you for it before you eat it.
The tortilla was a little tough since it’s been refrigerated, and again, it was a little weird eating cold chicken, but overall the chicken wrap was decent because who knew that ranch sauce combined with taco sauce would taste surprisingly good. It’s definitely better than most FDA regulated school lunches and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich your mom made with love and kindness.
Since it is a meal made for kids you might be wondering whether or not it could fill up an adult who doesn’t mind the shame of eating a Lunchables. If you’re on the smaller side, this Lunchables might be filling, but if you’re Michael Phelps, you’re probably going to need to eat ten of them.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 package – 390 calories, 10 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 50 milligrams cholesterol, 750 milligrams sodium, 56 grams carbohydrates, 1 gram dietary fiber, 25 grams sugar, 19 grams protein, 0% vitamin A, 50% calcium, 4% vitamin C, and 15% iron.)
Item: Oscar Mayer Lunchables Grilled Chicken Wrapz
Price: $3.49
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Better than most FDA regulated school lunches. Good source of protein. Fruit punch Capri Sun. Easy to put together. Combination of ranch sauce and taco sauce was surprisingly good. Fun-sized Nestle Crunch Bar. Products from the 1980s that are still here today.
Cons: Good source of sodium. Tortillas were a little tough. It’s weird eating cold chicken. Not filling for Michael Phelps. Drunk nine-year-olds. Stabbing people with plastic straws and getting arrested for it. Replacing plural S’s with Z’s.