NEWS: Latest Slurpee Flavor Tries To Cool Gamers But It’s Kind of A N00b

The latest flavor of Slurpee, the God of War Kratos Fury Blackberry Lime, seems like it’s trying to give brain freeze to gamers. If you’re not familiar with the God of War video game franchise, you can learn about its background by watching the eventual shitty movie adaptation of it, which you could add to your Netflix queue, if all of your choices have a long wait and you don’t want to watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

For a Slurpee that’s meant for gamers, it’s disappointing to find out it has no caffeine in it. I don’t think a caffeine-free Slurpee promoting a video game, would appeal to gamers because without sweet, sweet caffeine they won’t be able to stay up until the same time most people wake up. Heck, I bet this God of War Slurpee doesn’t even appeal to a God of War because it lacks blood and violence.

NEWS: New Bumblebee Blast Slurpee Doesn’t Taste Like Metal, Oil and Energon

I personally think Slurpee took the wrong approach with their Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen-promoting Bumblebee Blast Slurpee. I believe if they wanted to sell a Pacific Ocean’s worth of Slurpees, they should’ve come out with a flavor called Megan Fox Frost and have four collector’s cups featuring Megan Fox on the hood of Autobots like she’s Tawny Kitaen in Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” music video.

It really doesn’t matter what Megan Fox Frost would taste like (heck, it could be mango passion fruit flavored like the Bumblebee Blast Slurpee or whatever the flavor of Ben Gay is) because as long as there are collector’s cups featuring Megan Fox (preferably in 3-D), they would sell like bottled water on a scorching summer day. Of course, 98% percent of purchases would be made by men.

The Megan Fox-less Bumblebee Blast Slurpee has zero grams of fat, no protein and no caffeine. A 12-ounce cup has 96 calories and 25 grams of sugar; a 28-ounce serving contains 224 calories and 59 grams of sugar; and for those extreme sweettooths, a huge 40-ounce cup has 320 calories and 85 grams of sugar.

NEWS: Terminator Salvation Slurpee Flavor Has Slurpee Suckers Looking Forward To Possible Transformers Slurpee in June and Brüno Slurpee in July

For the second straight month, Slurpee is promoting a movie with their frozen beverages. Last month, Mutant Berry was released to coincide with the opening of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. This month, 7-Eleven is unleashing Apocalyptic Ice Slurpee, a blood orange flavored beverage, to promote the latest movie in the Terminator series.

Since the 2009 summer blockbuster movie season has just begun, I wouldn’t be surprised to see other movie-affiliated Slurpees in the next couple of months. A Harry Potter Slurpee in July? Or a Slurpee promoting Mariah Carey’s movie Tennessee in June?

The Apocalyptic Ice Slurpee has zero grams of fat and no caffeine. A 12-ounce serving contains 108 calories and 25 grams of sugar; a 28-ounce serving contains 252 calories and 59 grams of sugar; and a 40-ounce serving contains 360 calories and 85 grams of sugar.

NEWS: Krispy Kreme Minis Makes Doughnut Dining a Little Lighter

This week, Krispy Kreme introduced a line of mini doughnuts that have all the sweet, addictive goodness of their regular doughnuts, but at half the size. The mini doughnuts come in three varieties: original glazed, chocolate glazed and chocolate glazed with sprinkles.

Why did you have to do this Krispy Kreme? It’s so hard to prevent myself from eating just one of your regular doughnuts. Sure it’s probably a way to help sell your doughnuts during these hard economic times, but if I eat one of your mini doughnuts, I’ll think it’ll be okay to stuff my face with another since two of them would equal about one of your regular doughnuts. Unfortunately that extra doughnut could lead to a domino effect, which could cause me to go through an entire box faster than one left in the middle of a police station’s break room.

Thank goodness the only Krispy Kreme location in this state is on another island.

NEWS: Mutant Berry Slurpee Sounds Significantly Less Bad Ass Than The Wolverine Movie It’s Promoting

Earlier this week, 7-Eleven introduced the Mutant Berry Slurpee to promote the release of the upcoming movie — X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Its flavor has been billed as Hawaiian Punch Berry Limeade Blast.

Along with the special Slurpee flavor, you can get 3D cups featuring either Wolverine, Sabretooth or Gambit, if you’re willing to pick up the largest Slurpee size and consume more sugar than any normal human should or you’re a mutant with the ability to turn the sugar you consumed into ice, fire or harmless butterflies.

The high fructose corn syrup sweetened beverage contains no caffeine and, despite its name, contains NO BERRIES. According to the ingredients list, it contains apples, pear passionfruit, pineapple and peach juices from concentrate, along with papaya and apricot purees.

An 8-ounce serving of Mutant Berry Slurpee contains 120 calories, 0 grams of fat, 40 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 27 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein. It will be available throughout the summer months.

NEWS: Carl’s Jr.’s New Kentucky Bourbon Burgers Will Disappoint Those Hoping to Wake Up Hungover on a Bathroom Floor

Like most store-bought egg nog and some counties in Kentucky, the bourbon sauce in the new Carl’s Jr. Kentucky Bourbon Burgers contains no alcohol. Of course, this probably disappoints alcoholics looking to drink a meal with alcohol, instead of their usual drinking a meal.

The Kentucky Bourbon Burger is available for a limited time in three varieties: single ($2.99), double ($3.99), and Six Dollar Burger ($4.89). The single and double versions have all-beef patties, while the Six Dollar Burger has a 100% Black Angus Beef Patty. All the burgers also consist of two strips of bacon, pepperjack cheese, garlic-pepper onion straws, lettuce, tomato and a sweet Kentucky Bourbon Sauce in a toasted, sesame seed bun.

The Six Dollar version has 970 calories, 40 grams of fat, 21 grams of saturated fat, 2390 milligrams of sodium and 50 grams of protein. The Double version contains 1000 calories, 51 grams of fat, 23 grams of saturated fat, 1850 milligrams of sodium and 51 grams of protein. The Single version has 730 calories, 32 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1470 milligrams of sodium and 31 grams of protein.