NEWS: Naked Juice Introduces New Acai and Pomegranate Flavors

This week, Naked Juice introduced two new flavors to their lineup of smoothies and juices — Acai Machine smoothie and Pomegranate juice.

(Editor’s Note: Bah! It turns out that Naked Juice has an Acai Pomegranate juice, making the next paragraph incorrect.)

Naked Juice is coming late to the antioxidant party, since pomegranate was big in 2007 and acai was the shiznit in 2008. It makes me wonder if they’re only now putting up their Friendster profile. I guess late is better than never, but unfortunately for Naked Juice the kegs are empty and all the pizza is gone. Although being Naked Juice, they’re probably not into drinking beer and eating pizza.

But I think they might be into the stripper.

The Naked Acai Machine smoothie will have 178 acai berries in every 15.2 ounce bottle and also include the benefits of vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin E, elderberry, beet, black currant and grape seed extracts. The Naked Pomegranate juice will contain 4 1/3 California pomegranates in each 15.2 ounce bottle.

The Acai Machine will retail for $3.79 and the Pomegranate juice for $4.49.

NEWS: Old School Cereals Get Pimped! Aww Yeah, Boyee!

Pops (or Corn Pops for you purists) is one of the sagging elder statesmen in the world of breakfast cereals, along with other old farts like grumpy Apple Jacks and senile Frosted Flakes. Throughout its 50-plus year history, the only thing that has been modified about Pops is its name, which has changed more times than Lew Alcindor, but significantly less times than Prince.

Until now, there has never been a cereal spin-off of Pops, unlike Frosted Flakes, which has spread itself so thin that it has spawned way too many bastard cereals that get discontinued. Perhaps with the introduction of the new Kellogg’s Pops Chocolate Peanut Butter, it will finally make me say, “Oooh, I gotta have my Pops,” except without sarcasm, like I usually do when they have to eat those plain yellow balls.

Another cereal recently brought out by Kellogg’s is the new Froot Loops Smoothie, which includes yogurt-covered pieces of Froot Loops mixed with the usual multi-colored fruity rings of sugary goodness, which I recently found out don’t count towards the 3-5 servings of fruit and vegetables I should eat each day.

I’m actually looking forward to Froot Loops Smoothie because it will expand my choices of fruity cereals to eat for breakfast and to use for my cereal necklace making business.

NEWS: Water The Way Nature Intended It, If Nature Was A Multi-Million Dollar Water Filtering Company

Experts recommend that we drink at least eight glasses of water every day. Of course, drinking those eight glasses can help your complexion, aid weight loss, and at times, makes you think about wearing adult diapers to reduce the number of times you have to walk to the restroom each day.

Perhaps the hardest part about drinking eight glasses of water every day is the water itself. Water is the beverage equivalent of the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric — its content is very important, but it’s pretty boring.

Occasionally, I need to force myself to drink water, due to it being unexciting. When the situation arises, I like to think of water either as 7-Up without the carbonation and lemon-lime flavor; vodka without the fun, allergic reaction and blurted out secrets that I promised friends I would keep to myself; or tears from an angel.

I’m kind of exciting about the new PUR Flavor Options, which can possibly turn ordinary filtered tap water into something that’s the water equivalent of Canada’s Naked News — something different, refreshing and with a little bit of flavor. You can add as much or as little fruit flavor to your PUR filtered water with a push of a button.

PUR Flavor Options are available in a pitcher or faucet mount and comes in three flavors: raspberry, strawberry and peach. They contain no calories, sugars or dyes. PUR Flavor Options pitchers retail for $29.99, the faucet mounts at $49.99 and the flavor cartridges, which are sold in two-packs, retail for $9.99.

[Site:] Pur Flavor Options

NEWS: Silk Soy Milk + Fiber = Crazy Nutritious

Just like beer and film noir, soy milk is an acquired taste. Those who drink it, do so for a variety of reasons. Some drink it because their lactose intolerant. Others drink it for soy’s health benefits or because they’re vegan. I drink it because a carton of it makes me look cool at the grocery store and it helps balance my vodka consumption.

Perhaps the most popular brand of soy milk is Silk. Recently I noticed that they came out with Silk Plus Fiber and Silk Plus Omega-3 DHA, each of which provides extra health benefits along with the usual benefits of eating soy products. I’ll only focus on the Silk Plus Fiber because “Silk Soy Milk + Omega-3 DHA = Crazy Nutritious” doesn’t flow very well as blog post title.

According to studies that I wasn’t asked to be a part of, most Americans only consume about half of the 25 grams of fiber per day recommended. If I was asked to participate in those studies, I would’ve easily brought the curve down, because apparently there is very little fiber in potato chips, energy drinks, and glazed donuts.

Silk Plus Fiber contains five grams of fiber per 8-ounce serving. which is five times more than regular Silk Soy Milk. Fiber in your diet is important because it helps with digestion, has been shown to lower your cholesterol, and I read somewhere on the internet that it also helps keep vampires away.

Of course, if I wanted to, I could drink an entire half-gallon carton and consume 40 grams of fiber in one sitting with a funnel and some tubing. But my prior experience of eating too many prunes in an hour has taught me that it definitely wouldn’t be a good idea. Unless I enjoy lounging in my bathroom with my pants around my ankles for an extended period of time that ends up with me forced to look at the same Crate & Barrel catalog over and over again.

[Site:] Silk Soy Plus