NEWS: Healthy Choice Sticks It Hard to Lean Cuisine with a New Look and All-Natural Entrees

I’m Switzerland when it comes to the war between Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisine for freezer aisle supremacy. I’m not picking a side and I’m just watching the whole thing go down with a Totino’s Party Pizza on my lap. They just go back and forth, flinging combinations of ingredients at each other and conquering more and more shelf space, like they’re a bunch of 12-year-olds playing Risk.

Healthy Choice recently launched their All-Natural Entrees line to counteract the new meals from Lean Cuisine. The All-Natural Entrees come in six varieties for your procurement:

Mediterranean Pasta РNine-grain orzo with beans, saut̩ed onions, diced tomatoes, and savory spinach packed with 12 grams of fiber. Topped with a cinnamon sauce, sweet apples, fontina cheese, and cranberries.

Portabella Marsala Pasta – Nine-grain mafalda pasta topped with crimini mushrooms tossed with marsala wine sauce and topped with fontina cheese.

Portabella Spinach Parmesean – Whole-grain penne pasta with baby portabella mushrooms and spinach.

Pumpkin Squash Ravioli – Ravioli stuffed with pumpkin paired with asparagus, butternut squash, and Granny Smith apples. It’s all topped with a butter-sage sauce.

Sweet Asian Potstickers (shown above) – Veggie potstickers served on a whole-grain rice and covered with a sweet Asian-style sauce.

Tomato Basil Penne – Nine-grain penne pasta topped with tomatoes, onions, sweet basil, and mozzarella cheese. Prepared with 100% extra virgin olive oil.

Besides being made from all-natural ingredients, all are high in fiber, low in saturated fat and cholesterol, contain no preservatives or artificial flavors, provide antioxidants and they seem like a gigantic “suck it” to Lean Cuisine.

Not trying to apply pressure in any way, but some of these will probably be reviewed by Heat Eat Review in the future.

(via I Ate A Pie)

NEWS: Lean Cuisine Continues To Reproduce At A Rate Greater Than Nadya Suleman

Lean Cuisine frozen meals reproduce at a rate that would cause rabbits to be appalled. The chefs at Lean Cuisine recently helped give birth to four new flavors of their frozen meals that appeal to dieting women, people who can’t boil water and the folks who run frozen/microwaveable food review blogs. The new varieties are:

Sun-Dried Tomato Pesto Chicken – Tender white meat chicken with cavatappi pasta, zucchini, black olives and Parmesan cheese tossed in a sun-dried tomato pesto sauce. (290 calories and 9 grams of fat.)

Pasta Romano with Bacon – Delicate bow tie pasta in a flavorful fire roasted tomato sauce with smoky bacon and topped with Romano cheese. (280 calories and 7 grams of fat.)

Linguine Carbonara Linguine – Pasta with savory bits of bacon, flavorful red and green peppers, peas and basil, all tossed in a creamy Parmesan sauce. (300 calories and 8 grams of fat.)

Beef Chow Fun – Tender strips of beef over bed of flat noodles with snap peas, red peppers and water chestnuts tossed in a sweet and spicy Asian-style sauce. (320 calories and 5 grams of fat.)

All of them should be available now at your local grocery store in the frozen food aisle with the 50-something other Lean Cuisine meals.

NEWS: Yoplait’s Three New Flavors Could Make a Billy Joel Song Even Better

Yoplait yogurt comes in so many flavors that you could probably rewrite Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” with nothing but Yoplait yogurt flavors.

Don’t believe me. Below is a list of almost all the flavors. Have at it.

Cherry Orchard, Banana Crème, Tropical Peach, Mango, Dulce de Leche, Blackberry Harvest Boysenberry, Coconut Cream Pie, French Vanilla, Red Raspberry, Harvest Peach, Very Cherry, Guava, Blueberry Patch, Passion Fruit, Piña Colada, Strawberry, Strawberry Banana, Strawberry Cheesecake, Strawberry Kiwi, Strawberry Mango, White Chocolate Raspberry, Apple Turnover, Apricot Mango, Banana Cream Pie, Berries ‘N Cream, Blackberry, Boston Cream Pie, Lemon Cream Pie, Pineapple Upside Down Cake, Raspberry Cheesecake, Red Raspberry, Strawberries ‘N Bananas, Strawberry Orange Sunrise, Strawberry Shortcake, Very Vanilla, White Chocolate Strawberry, Chocolate, Chocolate Raspberry, Lemon Meringue, Peaches ‘N Cream, Raspberry Mousse, Key Lime Pie, Mountain Blueberry, Mixed Berry, Pineapple, Strawberry Mist, Orange Crème, and Lemon Burst.

Also, don’t forget to add Yoplait’s three newest flavors — Cherry Pomegranate, Blackberry Pomegranate and Blueberry Acai — all of which contain a superfruit that’s high in nutrients, antioxidants and farmer’s market cred. All three flavors are available now at your favorite grocery store with all of the other dozens of Yoplait varieties for the suggested retail price of 72 cents.

NEWS: Axe Hair Products Contribute To Global Swarming of Dudes Who Reek

I had a crush on my English teacher when I was a freshman in high school. I was hoping she would break the law, go all Mary Kay Letourneau on my body and turn me into her underaged boy toy, but unfortunately my acne-covered face and braces didn’t persuade her to do so. While trying to woo her, I started wearing cologne. But I unfortunately didn’t know how much cologne I should wear. I thought five sprays all over my body would want her to come closer to me, but it did the opposite and one day she told me that I should use less cologne…a lot less cologne.

So from that moment on, I’ve only given myself one good spray of cologne before I go out. I bring this story up because there are going to be a helluva lot of guys whose Axe stench is going to be greater now that there are Axe hair products to go along with their shower gels, deodorants, and body sprays. The Axe hair products have actually been out for a couple of months, but I didn’t find out until recently and I’m letting people know as a public service announcement.

The hair products include shampoos, conditioners, 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioners, and hairstyling products. All of the hair products come with the typical Axe-ified names. The shampoo and conditioners are called Constrict, Dual, Intense, Armor, Primed, and Lure, while the styling products are named Charged, Laid Back, Whatever, and Refined. Axe hairstyling products retails for $6.99, while their shampoos and conditioners go for $5.99.

Click here to read TIB’s review of the Axe Messy Look Paste

NEWS: Naked Juice Introduces New Acai and Pomegranate Flavors

This week, Naked Juice introduced two new flavors to their lineup of smoothies and juices — Acai Machine smoothie and Pomegranate juice.

(Editor’s Note: Bah! It turns out that Naked Juice has an Acai Pomegranate juice, making the next paragraph incorrect.)

Naked Juice is coming late to the antioxidant party, since pomegranate was big in 2007 and acai was the shiznit in 2008. It makes me wonder if they’re only now putting up their Friendster profile. I guess late is better than never, but unfortunately for Naked Juice the kegs are empty and all the pizza is gone. Although being Naked Juice, they’re probably not into drinking beer and eating pizza.

But I think they might be into the stripper.

The Naked Acai Machine smoothie will have 178 acai berries in every 15.2 ounce bottle and also include the benefits of vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin E, elderberry, beet, black currant and grape seed extracts. The Naked Pomegranate juice will contain 4 1/3 California pomegranates in each 15.2 ounce bottle.

The Acai Machine will retail for $3.79 and the Pomegranate juice for $4.49.

NEWS: Old School Cereals Get Pimped! Aww Yeah, Boyee!

Pops (or Corn Pops for you purists) is one of the sagging elder statesmen in the world of breakfast cereals, along with other old farts like grumpy Apple Jacks and senile Frosted Flakes. Throughout its 50-plus year history, the only thing that has been modified about Pops is its name, which has changed more times than Lew Alcindor, but significantly less times than Prince.

Until now, there has never been a cereal spin-off of Pops, unlike Frosted Flakes, which has spread itself so thin that it has spawned way too many bastard cereals that get discontinued. Perhaps with the introduction of the new Kellogg’s Pops Chocolate Peanut Butter, it will finally make me say, “Oooh, I gotta have my Pops,” except without sarcasm, like I usually do when they have to eat those plain yellow balls.

Another cereal recently brought out by Kellogg’s is the new Froot Loops Smoothie, which includes yogurt-covered pieces of Froot Loops mixed with the usual multi-colored fruity rings of sugary goodness, which I recently found out don’t count towards the 3-5 servings of fruit and vegetables I should eat each day.

I’m actually looking forward to Froot Loops Smoothie because it will expand my choices of fruity cereals to eat for breakfast and to use for my cereal necklace making business.