NEWS: Yoplait’s Three New Flavors Could Make a Billy Joel Song Even Better

Yoplait yogurt comes in so many flavors that you could probably rewrite Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” with nothing but Yoplait yogurt flavors.

Don’t believe me. Below is a list of almost all the flavors. Have at it.

Cherry Orchard, Banana Crème, Tropical Peach, Mango, Dulce de Leche, Blackberry Harvest Boysenberry, Coconut Cream Pie, French Vanilla, Red Raspberry, Harvest Peach, Very Cherry, Guava, Blueberry Patch, Passion Fruit, Piña Colada, Strawberry, Strawberry Banana, Strawberry Cheesecake, Strawberry Kiwi, Strawberry Mango, White Chocolate Raspberry, Apple Turnover, Apricot Mango, Banana Cream Pie, Berries ‘N Cream, Blackberry, Boston Cream Pie, Lemon Cream Pie, Pineapple Upside Down Cake, Raspberry Cheesecake, Red Raspberry, Strawberries ‘N Bananas, Strawberry Orange Sunrise, Strawberry Shortcake, Very Vanilla, White Chocolate Strawberry, Chocolate, Chocolate Raspberry, Lemon Meringue, Peaches ‘N Cream, Raspberry Mousse, Key Lime Pie, Mountain Blueberry, Mixed Berry, Pineapple, Strawberry Mist, Orange Crème, and Lemon Burst.

Also, don’t forget to add Yoplait’s three newest flavors — Cherry Pomegranate, Blackberry Pomegranate and Blueberry Acai — all of which contain a superfruit that’s high in nutrients, antioxidants and farmer’s market cred. All three flavors are available now at your favorite grocery store with all of the other dozens of Yoplait varieties for the suggested retail price of 72 cents.

NEWS: Axe Hair Products Contribute To Global Swarming of Dudes Who Reek

I had a crush on my English teacher when I was a freshman in high school. I was hoping she would break the law, go all Mary Kay Letourneau on my body and turn me into her underaged boy toy, but unfortunately my acne-covered face and braces didn’t persuade her to do so. While trying to woo her, I started wearing cologne. But I unfortunately didn’t know how much cologne I should wear. I thought five sprays all over my body would want her to come closer to me, but it did the opposite and one day she told me that I should use less cologne…a lot less cologne.

So from that moment on, I’ve only given myself one good spray of cologne before I go out. I bring this story up because there are going to be a helluva lot of guys whose Axe stench is going to be greater now that there are Axe hair products to go along with their shower gels, deodorants, and body sprays. The Axe hair products have actually been out for a couple of months, but I didn’t find out until recently and I’m letting people know as a public service announcement.

The hair products include shampoos, conditioners, 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioners, and hairstyling products. All of the hair products come with the typical Axe-ified names. The shampoo and conditioners are called Constrict, Dual, Intense, Armor, Primed, and Lure, while the styling products are named Charged, Laid Back, Whatever, and Refined. Axe hairstyling products retails for $6.99, while their shampoos and conditioners go for $5.99.

Click here to read TIB’s review of the Axe Messy Look Paste

NEWS: Naked Juice Introduces New Acai and Pomegranate Flavors

This week, Naked Juice introduced two new flavors to their lineup of smoothies and juices — Acai Machine smoothie and Pomegranate juice.

(Editor’s Note: Bah! It turns out that Naked Juice has an Acai Pomegranate juice, making the next paragraph incorrect.)

Naked Juice is coming late to the antioxidant party, since pomegranate was big in 2007 and acai was the shiznit in 2008. It makes me wonder if they’re only now putting up their Friendster profile. I guess late is better than never, but unfortunately for Naked Juice the kegs are empty and all the pizza is gone. Although being Naked Juice, they’re probably not into drinking beer and eating pizza.

But I think they might be into the stripper.

The Naked Acai Machine smoothie will have 178 acai berries in every 15.2 ounce bottle and also include the benefits of vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin E, elderberry, beet, black currant and grape seed extracts. The Naked Pomegranate juice will contain 4 1/3 California pomegranates in each 15.2 ounce bottle.

The Acai Machine will retail for $3.79 and the Pomegranate juice for $4.49.

NEWS: Old School Cereals Get Pimped! Aww Yeah, Boyee!

Pops (or Corn Pops for you purists) is one of the sagging elder statesmen in the world of breakfast cereals, along with other old farts like grumpy Apple Jacks and senile Frosted Flakes. Throughout its 50-plus year history, the only thing that has been modified about Pops is its name, which has changed more times than Lew Alcindor, but significantly less times than Prince.

Until now, there has never been a cereal spin-off of Pops, unlike Frosted Flakes, which has spread itself so thin that it has spawned way too many bastard cereals that get discontinued. Perhaps with the introduction of the new Kellogg’s Pops Chocolate Peanut Butter, it will finally make me say, “Oooh, I gotta have my Pops,” except without sarcasm, like I usually do when they have to eat those plain yellow balls.

Another cereal recently brought out by Kellogg’s is the new Froot Loops Smoothie, which includes yogurt-covered pieces of Froot Loops mixed with the usual multi-colored fruity rings of sugary goodness, which I recently found out don’t count towards the 3-5 servings of fruit and vegetables I should eat each day.

I’m actually looking forward to Froot Loops Smoothie because it will expand my choices of fruity cereals to eat for breakfast and to use for my cereal necklace making business.

NEWS: Water The Way Nature Intended It, If Nature Was A Multi-Million Dollar Water Filtering Company

Experts recommend that we drink at least eight glasses of water every day. Of course, drinking those eight glasses can help your complexion, aid weight loss, and at times, makes you think about wearing adult diapers to reduce the number of times you have to walk to the restroom each day.

Perhaps the hardest part about drinking eight glasses of water every day is the water itself. Water is the beverage equivalent of the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric — its content is very important, but it’s pretty boring.

Occasionally, I need to force myself to drink water, due to it being unexciting. When the situation arises, I like to think of water either as 7-Up without the carbonation and lemon-lime flavor; vodka without the fun, allergic reaction and blurted out secrets that I promised friends I would keep to myself; or tears from an angel.

I’m kind of exciting about the new PUR Flavor Options, which can possibly turn ordinary filtered tap water into something that’s the water equivalent of Canada’s Naked News — something different, refreshing and with a little bit of flavor. You can add as much or as little fruit flavor to your PUR filtered water with a push of a button.

PUR Flavor Options are available in a pitcher or faucet mount and comes in three flavors: raspberry, strawberry and peach. They contain no calories, sugars or dyes. PUR Flavor Options pitchers retail for $29.99, the faucet mounts at $49.99 and the flavor cartridges, which are sold in two-packs, retail for $9.99.

[Site:] Pur Flavor Options

NEWS: Silk Soy Milk + Fiber = Crazy Nutritious

Just like beer and film noir, soy milk is an acquired taste. Those who drink it, do so for a variety of reasons. Some drink it because their lactose intolerant. Others drink it for soy’s health benefits or because they’re vegan. I drink it because a carton of it makes me look cool at the grocery store and it helps balance my vodka consumption.

Perhaps the most popular brand of soy milk is Silk. Recently I noticed that they came out with Silk Plus Fiber and Silk Plus Omega-3 DHA, each of which provides extra health benefits along with the usual benefits of eating soy products. I’ll only focus on the Silk Plus Fiber because “Silk Soy Milk + Omega-3 DHA = Crazy Nutritious” doesn’t flow very well as blog post title.

According to studies that I wasn’t asked to be a part of, most Americans only consume about half of the 25 grams of fiber per day recommended. If I was asked to participate in those studies, I would’ve easily brought the curve down, because apparently there is very little fiber in potato chips, energy drinks, and glazed donuts.

Silk Plus Fiber contains five grams of fiber per 8-ounce serving. which is five times more than regular Silk Soy Milk. Fiber in your diet is important because it helps with digestion, has been shown to lower your cholesterol, and I read somewhere on the internet that it also helps keep vampires away.

Of course, if I wanted to, I could drink an entire half-gallon carton and consume 40 grams of fiber in one sitting with a funnel and some tubing. But my prior experience of eating too many prunes in an hour has taught me that it definitely wouldn’t be a good idea. Unless I enjoy lounging in my bathroom with my pants around my ankles for an extended period of time that ends up with me forced to look at the same Crate & Barrel catalog over and over again.

[Site:] Silk Soy Plus