Berry Burst Metamucil

Hey, y’all. It’s your girl Britney Spears.

I bet y’all have been hearing some things about me in the media and I just want to say for the record that I did do those things, but I want to let y’all know that I’m trying to live a regular, normal life, y’all. I just want to live a regular life with my mom, dad, little sister, dogs, house, bodyguards, maids, butlers, dancers, publicist, and assistants.

Oh, and my two kids. I kind of forgot about them, since I don’t see them much anymore, y’all.

I-I-I just want to be a regular person, like y’all. I want to know what it’s like to have the wind blow across my skin. I want to know what it’s like to love and be loved…Wait a sec, those would make crackin’ lyrics for another album, y’all. I think I’m going to call this song, “I’m Not Yo Bitch No More.”

Yeaaaaa, I’m not yo bitch no more. What do I need you for? I’m not yo bitch noooooo mooore.

Damn, y’all. I need to get into a studio and record that.

Anyway, because I want to be a regular person, I’ve been trying to eat alot of fiber because I heard eating it will make you regular. But it’s been hard trying to eat alot of fiber because In-N-Out Burgers and martini olives have almost no fiber. So here I am drinking this Berry Burst Metamucil. I tried the orange one first because I thought it was going to taste like Tang, but it didn’t. So I switched over to the berry one because it comes in pink, y’all.

It tastes kind of good. It’s got a flavor and texture like non-hardened Strawberry Jello not mixed well. Just like the pictures of my cooch on the internet, it’s a little grainy. Also, you have to drink it quickly or else it turns into sludge. It taste much better than the orange kind, but most importantly with every drink, I’m getting closer to being regular, y’all.

Actually, I’ve been drinking it for a while now and I’m beginning to feel the effects, y’all. Ever since I started I haven’t shaved off all my hair, I didn’t attack any paps with an umbrella, I haven’t been to rehab, and I didn’t marry some random dude off the street. The paps still take pictures of my cooch, but that can’t be helped. I’ve also been crapping alot for some reason and I dropped my new single, “Gimme More.”

(Supplement Facts – 1 rounded tsp – 20 calories, 5 grams of carbs, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 2 grams of soluble fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 0.8 milligrams of iron, 5 milligrams of sodium, 30 milligrams of potassium, and 100 grams of pooptasticness)

Item: Berry Burst Metamucil
Price: $11.14 (23.3 ounces)
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Tastes kind of like non-hardened Strawberry Jello. Sugar free. May help lower cholesterol. Better tasting than the orange version. Helps with pooping.
Cons: Fiber from food is much better. Has texture of non-hardened Strawberry Jello. Y’all. Gimme More.

12 thoughts on “Berry Burst Metamucil

  1. Just cuz I was born ‘n’ raised a little north of her neck of the woods, I gotta correct y’all on one sentence: “So here I am drinking this Berry Burst Metamucil.” should be “So here I am drinking this HERE Berry Burst Metamucil.” Now this here review is all done. Y’all.

  2. As if we don’t know enough about the sad, sordid life of Britney. Now I have to spend my day thinking about her bathroom habits.

  3. Luckinflux,

    Thanks for the story link. It was funny. Twisted, but funny. :)

    I was referring in my last comment to a review Marvo did about some habanero jerky I sent him. For you new TIB readers, that review can be found here.

    As Marvo and I can both attest, that jerky does burn you twice. However, I didn’t have any bleeding, fortunately. But I may have blacked out at some point.

  4. wow! what a coincidence my free sample of this stuff came in the mail today (thanks to walmart.com and child labor) and I attempted to mix it in a bottle of water.. I didn’t read directions, perhaps the packed was for 8 oz? but whatever happened inside that bottle ruined my day. perhaps week…. *shudders*

  5. Domokun – Y’all.

    Karen – You’re welcome.

    The Lazy Canadian – Cool beans!

    Chuck – I’m not trying that.

    luckinflux – Duuuude.

    Chuck – Thank God no bleeding or blacking out.

    mallory – Most important thing is to not let it settle.

    demondoll – Well it was too smooth going in. Kinda grainy.

  6. They need a catchy little ditty like Doxidan used to have back in the day. You know, “The Ballad of a Gentle Laxative”? No? Yeesh, then I’m older than I thought.

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