REVIEW: Burger King Angry Tendercrisp & Angry Original Chicken Sandwich

The Angry Tendercrisp and Angry Original Chicken Sandwich think they’re angry, but they’re not. I’ll show you angry, muthabitches!

Woke up at 4 am ’cause someone was dragging a bag of cans on the street.
Pissed me off because they interrupted me in the middle of REM sleep.
Got to my feet, looked outside and saw a bum digging through the trash.
Told him to be quiet or else that can in his hand would be his last.
He slurred something I didn’t understand, I think he had too much wine.
Said to him I’m going to pop a cap in his ass with my muthafuckin’ nine.
Pulled out my gat and flashed it at the defenseless homeless man.
Then he mumbled some gibberish to me I couldn’t quite understand.
I said, “Don’t make me come down there and mess you up, you bum.”
“I dare you” is what I think he slurred with his alcoholic tongue.
But my gat was a water gun I got for 100 skee ball tickets at the arcade.
So I told him, “Oh, you’re lucky I don’t have bullets. Now go away.”
Then someone yells “Shut up you two or else I’m going to call the cops.”
Then I quickly hide behind my curtains and the argument stops.

You see that? I was so angry that I might’ve killed a man. If I had a real gun, some bullets, and I wasn’t scared of firearms due to a pellet gun accident at Boy Scout camp, I would’ve dropped that hobo dead. What kind of anger do those two chicken sandwiches wield? All they have are Pepper Jack cheese, jalapenos, angry onions and angry sauce.

Ooooh, that’s angry. I’m scared of them. I better lock my doors. I better have 911 on speed dial incase they get angrier. I should go find Betty Ross so that she can calm them down when they turn into the Incredible Hulk. Pfff…Their ingredients aren’t angry. Let me show you angry.

Waiting in line to pay for my banana Slurpee.
Watching the old lady pull out her coin purse in front of me.
Oh, she better not be paying with pennies, nickels and dimes,
or else I’m going to end her life before her time.
Driving Miss Daisy spills the contents of her purse on the counter,
I was going spill my Slurpee on her head and then pound her.
Counting off each coin one by one by one by one,
She owed $5.23 for a sandwich and a bag of Funyuns.
The cashier tried to speed things up by collecting her amount,
but the old hag didn’t want anyone to help her count.
I lose my mind and yell at her, “Could you go any slower?”
I cause her to miscount and now she has to start all over.
Now everyone in the back of the line is yelling at me.
“How could you be so mean to the elderly?”
Some guy grabs my Slurpee and pours it over my head.
I ran out of the store and cried like a baby as I fled.

Yeah, that’s right. I was so angry that I would’ve beat up an old lady. And if it weren’t for that guy who was smart enough to cool my hot head down with a Slurpee, who knows what I might’ve done to that grandma who says “hi” to me every time I pass her on the sidewalk.

The Angry Tendercrisp and Angry Original Chicken Sandwich are like their weak ass cousin, the Angry Whopper — all talk, no burn. The only thing that saves their asses from being total wussies is the fact the both of them are kind of tasty, although I thought the Angry Tendercrisp was a little better. The angry sauce gives both of them a nice barbeque flavor with a little kick, but not enough to be considered “angry.” The jalapenos also provide a little more heat than the sauce and the “angry onions” don’t add anything, except a little crunch. The bacon gets lost with the smokey angry sauce and the lettuce and tomatoes help to cool each sandwich’s “anger” even more. But, again, both sandwiches are tasty.

I guess in order for me to consider them angry, the Angry Tendercrisp and Angry Original Chicken Sandwich would have to either kill a hobo for making too much noise or bitch slap an elderly person for paying in pennies.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – Angry Tendercrisp – 1030 calories, 61 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 2670 milligrams of sodium, 82 grams of carbohydrates, 15 grams of sugar and 40 grams of protein. Angry Original Chicken Sandwich – 870 calories, 55 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1 grams of trans fat, 95 milligrams of cholesterol, 2430 milligrams of sodium, 61 grams of carbohydrates, 11 grams of sugar and 34 grams of protein.)

(We Rate Stuff reviewed the Angry Original Chicken Sandwich and the Angry Tendercrisp.)

Item: Burger King Angry Tendercrisp & Angry Original Chicken Sandwich
Price: $6.49 (Angry Tendercrisp)
Price: $5.49 (Angry Original Chicken Sandwich)
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Angry Tendercrisp)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Angry Original Chicken Sandwich)
Pros: Tasty sandwiches. Hearty sandwiches. Angry sauce has a nice barbeque flavor. Chicken coating was crispy. Angry onion provide crunch. Lettuce and tomatoes provide vegetables. My skee ball skills.
Cons: Not angry. Extremely high in sodium. Contains trans fat. Bacon gets lost with the smokey angry sauce. Elderly abuse. Killing hobos. Paying for purchases with pennies. My rhyming ability.

21 thoughts on “REVIEW: Burger King Angry Tendercrisp & Angry Original Chicken Sandwich

  1. Your angry scenarios are so close to sounding like an NWA rhyme.

    I think the Angry Burger King food will anger my digestive system. I’m glad you’re here to try these things for us!

  2. There is a Taco Bell across the street from the Burger King I go to. I think they are gonna have a battle royale: Angry Menu Vs. Volcano Menu. Ding! Ding! Ding!

  3. I never got to try the angry whopper. Maybe I’ll try one of these if they keep them around long enough. I don’t hit up the BK Lounge very often and I’ve never eaten their chicken, but maybe I’ll mix it up with this one day.

    Or I’ll bitch slap a drunk hobo and call it even.

  4. Darn it…I was hoping this would be so much better, it looks good and sounds amazing….honestly if it weren’t for the 1000+ calories and the 1.5 grams trans fats this is what I’d make for a chicken sang.

    “…all they have are Pepper Jack cheese, jalapenos, angry onions and angry sauce. ” – That just makes my mouth water. Again, too bad it’s not that angry. You know who’s angry…AS would be livid at this review…I mean he’d have to read through all your dope rhymes before getting to the punchline :P

    Speaking of that…this would make a much better video review :P Come on!!!! Let’s see ‘dem skills boy!

  5. Oh my gosh you are too funny Marvo! Sorry the new sandwiches weren’t as angry as you might have wanted them to be. But if they were too angry they might try to kill you or bitch slap you instead of the bum or the old lady :P

  6. @angry bob: In the settlement, please get the King to be your bitch.

    @orb205: I’m influenced a lot by early 1990s hip-hop.

    @John Hoy: I would watch that on Pay Per View…for $1.

    @skibs: Oh my is right.

    @Natalie: I’d prefer you bitch slap a drunk hobo and then post a video of it on YouTube. Wait do they have hobos in Alaska? I figured it’s too cold.

    @Bear Silber: I agree this would’ve made for a nice video review, although it probably would’ve been a video of me just yelling into the camera like a crazy person.

    @amanda: Oh yeah, mine had a huge glob of mayo on them too. That helped cool things down too.

    @Erin Brooks: Sometimes I like being bitch slapped.

    @WIBIA: I’d probably stick with a Whopper…Oh wait, Whopper Jr. because I’m trying to lessen my fast food intake.

    @Yum Yucky: I’m going to need 15, at least.

    @amanda: Or it needs to use breathing techniques.

    @brad: I thought that was weird too.

    @Brenditababe: No need to censor yourself. I know you were trying to say I’m flowery sexy.

    @MCW: I am flowery sexy.

    @grinder: The sodium will increase your high blood pressure even more.

    @ohwow: I’m sure they could’ve put in more it they wanted.

  7. The pictures look like a promotional ad from the associated group of Mayonaise lovers. (also affiliated with the bologna lickers)

    I will not be purchasing this hunk of crap. Thanks!!

  8. Sad to say, I just ate one of those angry chicken sandwiches. I sure wish I’d checked the calorie and fat content before I did. Dang! And the sodium content is enought to kill a dang cow!! Oh yeah, I guess that would be me. I would’ve been better off with my own salt lick. I guess BK is trying to kill us! This stupid sandwich is what my darling husband brought me for lunch….after I asked for a Whopper Jr. (Like that’s much better, right? ). He said he didn’t think it was right to get one of those sandwiches for himself and not for me also. Next time, I told him, just get the cheapy burger and leave the fat & calories to someone else.

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