This past holiday weekend, I had the pleasure of visiting the mile-high city of Denver. I saw the Rocky Mountains, miles and miles of rolling amber prairie, and the giant Zombie Demon Horse at the airport.
Oh, youâ€™ve never heard of this nightmarish equine fiend from Hell?
Itâ€™s a thing of rare, unmitigated monstrousness with its jagged, shiny metal form, gaping mouth, wildly probing tongue, and glowing red eyes. It fuels dark visions of the end times and makes one wonder whether the city of Denver is the ideal location for a zombie demon invasion, what with the mountains providing protection from the hordes of undead monsters and all. It also invites speculation as to whether the airportâ€™s Zombie Demon Horse, itself, would be the thing that allows these foul creatures to enter our dimension. Would this 32-foot statue be the glowing, neon sign that declares “Denver is Open for Zombie Demon Business?” I only mention this Zombie Demon Horse because it has exactly one thing in common with the new HÃ¤agen-Dazs Limited Edition Blueberry Crumble ice cream: Itâ€™s blue.
Much like being subjected to night-terror-inducing public works of art, it isnâ€™t often that we encounter naturally-occurring blue food. I can count all the blue foods Iâ€™ve eaten on one hand: blue potatoes, blue corn chips, bleu cheese (itâ€™s the mold thatâ€™s blue), and, of course, blueberries. There is no shortage of blueberries in HÃ¤agen-Dazs Limited Edition Blueberry Crumble, which gives it a nice, violet color. Itâ€™s smooth and isnâ€™t clumpy, which certain types of fruity ice cream seem to be.
With my first bite, I was wowed by the Blueberry Crumbleâ€™s flavorful combination of real blueberries and fresh cream. The packaging boasts of ripe, simmered blueberries, and frankly, I think theyâ€™ve hit a home run with the recipe. Nothing about it tastes artificial â€“ this is made from real fruit. A quick scan of the ingredients lists confirms a refreshing lack of chemical additives and preservatives.
The texture of the ice cream is smooth and dense, and the crushed blueberries are evenly mixed throughout. However, the “cobbler crust crumbles” â€“ tiny pieces of buttery cobbler that have been folded into the ice cream — are not as plentiful as we are led to believe. Every third bite may include some of the crumble, but overall, itâ€™s mostly blueberry-flavored ice cream. Not what I expected, since the label strongly suggests that youâ€™ll be digging into something that would be at least 50 percent crumbly. The tiny bits of cobbler taste yummy and are an interesting addition, but the pieces arenâ€™t large enough and donâ€™t add much to the experience. The Limited Edition Blueberry Crumble is tasty, but I wish it was bursting with cobbler crumbles.
The HÃ¤agen-Dazs Limited Edition Blueberry Crumble may be just the thing to have in the mountains while weâ€™re taking shelter from the zombie demon apocalypse. Itâ€™s pretty cold up there, so we can leave the ice cream just about anywhere. In fact, it may be the only thing weâ€™ll have to eat for months, since the power grid will go down within three hours of the Zombie Demon Horseâ€™s clarion call to arms for the denizens of the Underworld. I suggest you start stocking up on Blueberry Crumble now and head for the hills.
(Nutrition Facts- Â½ cup (102 grams) â€“250 calories, 140 calories from fat, 15 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 21 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 0% vitamin A, 8% calcium, 0% vitamin C and 0% iron.)
Item: HÃ¤agen-Dazs Limited Edition Blueberry Crumble
Size: 14 ounces
Purchased at: Vons
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Made from real blueberries and fresh cream. Blue foods are rare. Smooth and dense texture. Violet. The majestic beauty of the Rocky Mountains. Yummy buttery crust crumbles. Delicious, ice-cream-based survival.
Cons: Zombie Demon Horses. Misleading label. Terrifying works of public art. Cobbler crust crumbles are small and donâ€™t add much to the experience. Wildly probing tongues. Gateway airports to the Underworld.