The best way to describe the McDonald’s Crispy Chicken Bacon Ranch Sandwich is call it the result of a wild sex romp between a McChicken Sandwich and a Crispy Chicken Bacon Ranch Salad.
Imagine the oily and wet action with lettuce flying everywhere and sesame seed buns being slapped.
Oh wait! What were we talking about again?
Oh yes. After eating the Crispy Chicken Bacon Ranch Sandwich value meal, I have to say that I’m not impressed with it at all. Hence my attempt to make it seem exciting with my “What if they got it on?” introduction.
Nothing really stood out with the sandwich. The ranch sauce wasn’t anything special; I know I could buy a better tasting ranch dressing from the national grocery store chain I shop at. The lettuce was iceberg lettuce, which doesn’t have much nutritional value, but then again if you’re buying fast food, you’re probably not too worried about nutritional value.
I think my friend was right to ridicule me for breaking my no-fast-food rule by going to McDonald’s. Their menu just isn’t very exciting and the food isn’t very good.
The only things I would go to McDonald’s for are their French fries and $1 hot fudge sundaes. Mmm, $1 hot fudge sundae… Mmm…
I’ll be right back.
(15 minutes later)
Ooh, $1 hot fudge sundae.
Oh crap, I got hot fudge on my keyboard.
Dammit! They didn’t give me any napkins! Why don’t they EVER give me napkins?
Well I’m too lazy to walk to the kitchen to get a paper towel, so I guess I’m going to have to lick it off.
There, it’s gone.
Man, this review was as boring as the McDonald’s Crispy Chicken Bacon Ranch Sandwich.
Maybe I should get back to writing about the salad tossing sex romp?
Item: McDonald’s Crispy Chicken Bacon Ranch Sandwich
Purchase Price: $4.99 (value meal)
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: I got a $1 hot fudge sundae.
Cons: Nothing impressive. Uses crappy iceberg lettuce. Ranch sauce wasn’t very good.