I figured this Christmas season would be a great time to test the new Colgate Max Fresh With Mini Breath Strips toothpaste because I could probably get some lip action with the help of some mistletoe.
Although I have to admit, I’ve never kissed anyone under the mistletoe before. Actually, I’ve never seen real mistletoe and I didn’t know how to get my hands on some.
Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t find any real mistletoe, but I did find some fake mistletoe at a craft store.
So armed with my fake mistletoe, I ventured out to see if some lucky lady would give me a kiss. Unfortunately, even with the mistletoe, I couldn’t get any takers.
Now I’m not too sure why I didn’t get any lip action. It could have been how I asked:
When I first saw you, I was like “Whoa.â€
You are so beautiful, you know.
Come here and let me kiss you under the mistletoe.
Nah, it couldn’t be that, because that’s frickin’ poetry that would make any woman’s heart melt like butter in the microwave.
Now that I think about it, maybe I got rejected because I recited the poem like I was a 1970’s pimp.
That bite eventually turns into a little burn, somewhat like the ones Listerine and Selsun Blue give you, which eventually you’ll get used to. But that burn is a good thing because in my years of experience with personal care products, I have learned two important rules: (1) The more it burns, the more it’s working. (2) When it starts burning away flesh, it’s not working anymore.
Since I didn’t get a chance to kiss anyone, I don’t know how fresh my mouth was after using the Colgate Max Fresh With Mini Breath Strips toothpaste.
However, I do know that it certainly didn’t help make me fresh with the ladies.
Item: Colgate Max Fresh With Mini Breath Strips Toothpaste
Purchase Price: $3.79
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Mini breath strips give the toothpaste a nice minty bite. Nice minty burn. Helps whiten teeth. My poetry can rock a woman’s world.
Cons: Fresher than I am. Toothpaste is a little too liquid. Pricey for only 4 ounces.