iTunes Gift Card

Damn you, VH1’s I Love the 80s and I Love the 90s for sticking in my head those songs that I’d like to forget. But now they’re stuck in my head and I have the urge to buy them.

I’m a Barbie Girl/In the Barbie world/Life in plastic/It’s fantastic/You can brush my hair/Undress me everywhere/Imagination/Life is your creation/(Come on, Barbie, let’s go party!)

See what you started, VH1!

Thank goodness for the iTunes Gift Card I got as a gift for Christmas. With it I can download those songs from iTunes without wasting my own money. I’d use my own money to buy some Green Day, Beastie Boys, Mozart, or Def Leppard’s Greatest Hits, but you wouldn’t catch me using my own money to buy “Informer” by the white Jamaican-wannabe rapper, Snow.

Informer (something, something, something)/A licky boom boom down/(something, something, something)/A licky boom boom down

Maybe if I download them and listen to them enough, I’ll get really sick of them, like I did with the U2 song “Vertigo.”

Oh crap, actually, I remember that plan didn’t work out the way I thought it would. It turns out that I really do like that song, I even bought the live version on iTunes. Anyway, that song is totally worth spending 99 cents, unlike Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby.”

All right stop, collaborate, and listen/Ice is back with my brand new invention/Something grabs a hold of me tightly/Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly/Will it ever stop? Yo, I don’t know/Turn off the lights and I’ll glow/To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal/Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle/Dance, go rush to the speaker that booms/I’m killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom/Deadly, when I play a dope melody/Anything less than the best is a felony/Love it or leave it, you better gain way/You better hit bull’s eye, the kid don’t play/If there was a problem, yo, I’ll solve it/Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it…

OH MY GOD! I apparently know the whole DAMN SONG!!!

Now I think one of the problems of downloading these one-hit wonders with an iTunes Gift Card is the chance you’ll get caught with them on your computer or iPod. I don’t want to imagine the embarrassment I’d feel if someone found me listening to Billy Ray Cyrus’ “Achy Breaky Heart” on my iPod, while poorly attempting to do some kind of line dancing.

But don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart/I just don’t think it’d understand/And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart/He might blow up and kill this man

I also don’t want to imagine the embarrassment of getting caught posing topless in front of the mirror, flexing what little muscles I have, and rubbing my nipples, while listening to Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy.”

I’m too sexy for my shirt/Too sexy for my shirt/So sexy it hurts/And I’m too sexy for Milan/Too sexy for Milan, New York, and Japan/And I’m too sexy for your party/Too sexy for your party/No way I’m disco dancing

DAMMIT!!! Why do I remember all these lyrics!?!

Actually, now that I think about it, I don’t even know if it’s worth using the iTunes Gift Card to download these songs, maybe I’ll just download them the old-fashioned way…when the RIAA isn’t looking.

Item: iTunes Gift Card
Purchase Price: FREE (Given as gift)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Makes a great gift. Allows you to buy one-hit wonders you wouldn’t dare spend your own money on.
Cons: Useless if you don’t have iTunes. Possibility of getting caught rubbing nipples topless in front of mirror. My ability to recite all the lyrics from Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby.”