Whenever I order a Pepsi and the waitress says, “Is Coke okay, hon?”, I slam my hands on the table, jump up from my chair and say, “Heeeeeell no, ma’am! Coke is not okay. I’d rather drink the ink from the blue pen you’re using to write down our order than that piss poor excuse the folks in Atlanta have the nerve to call a cola.”
And that’s how I earned my Pepsi Fanboy card.
But it seems like I’m going to have to turn in my Pepsi Fanboy card because I’m not really digging their new Cherry Vanilla Pepsi and Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi. If I am forced to turn it in, I will not cry, nor will I drink Coke, because I’m used to getting my fanboy cards taken away from me. I recently had to turn in my Apple Fanboy card because I was not willing to wait in line at an Apple Store and spend $500-$800 on an iPad while dressed like Steve Jobs in a mock-turtleneck, Levi’s jeans and New Balance shoes.
The Cherry Vanilla Pepsi line may sound entirely new, but it’s not the first time Pepsi has combined cherry and vanilla to form a supersoda in an attempt to blow your taste buds away and pump either more high fructose corn syrup or aspartame into your body. They also did it a few years ago when they introduced the ridiculously long named and now discontinued Black Cherry French Vanilla Diet Pepsi Jazz.
At first, I really didn’t care for Cherry Vanilla Pepsi and Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi, but since then I’ve consumed enough of both varieties to make a dentist see dollar signs and slightly improve how I feel about Cherry Vanilla Pepsi.
The HFCS-sweetened Cherry Vanilla Pepsi has a strong vanilla scent that brings back memories of every Bath & Body Works I’ve ever been dragged into visited. As for how it tastes, it starts off with vanilla, then cherry and then an aftertaste that I can’t determine, but can only describe as significantly less appealing than what came before it. It’s good, but it took me several bottles for me to warm up to it and I’d rather have a Wild Cherry Pepsi.
As for the aspartame-sweetened Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi, its vanilla scent makes me feel like I’ve been bribed with sex forced into visiting the candle section at a Pier 1 Imports store. Its aroma is stronger than regular Cherry Vanilla Pepsi, but it’s also less appealing. The flavors in this diet soda present themselves in the same order as the regular version: vanilla, cherry and then wicked aftertaste. The flavors are much more pronounced, but that’s not a good thing. I’m a fan of Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi, but the cherry flavor mixed with vanilla in this soda makes cherry cough syrup taste more like Kool-Aid.
Do. Not. Like.
Cherry Vanilla Pepsi and Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi are available for a limited time, but if you have a 7-Eleven nearby you can experience a cherry vanilla Pepsi anytime of the year. Their soda dispensers allow you to add cherry and vanilla syrups to your Super Big Gulps filled with Pepsi or that piss poor excuse the folks in Atlanta have the nerve to call a cola.
Nah, I’m only kidding Coke Fanboys and Fangirls. I enjoy Coke Zero.
(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – Cherry Vanilla Pepsi – 100 calories, 0 grams of fat, 20 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 27 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein and 25 milligrams of caffeine. Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein and 25 milligrams of caffeine.)
Item: Cherry Vanilla Pepsi & Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi
Price: $1.29 each
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Cherry Vanilla Pepsi)
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi)
Pros: Cherry Vanilla Pepsi was good. Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi. My Pepsi Fanboy card. Both have shorter names than Black Cherry French Vanilla Diet Pepsi Jazz. Bath & Body Works is an awesome place to buy gifts for women. Super Big Gulps. Pepsi.
Cons: Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi makes cough syrup taste like Kool-Aid. Cherry Vanilla Pepsi contains high fructose corn syrup. Being dragged into a Pier 1 Imports. Both have unappealing aftertastes. Not having my Apple Fanboy card anymore. Cavities. Coke.