(Editor’s Note: Today’s review subject was suggested by another resident on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, Lakitu. At first, I wasn’t going to review it, because Lakitu actually likes sparkling water. This made me think she was crazy…or has no taste buds. But she likes to lick sparkling water off of hot bodies, so I figured she couldn’t be so bad. So here’s the review. Enjoy.)
Hey! Hey! You two stop it!
Don’t make me pull over, because if I do, you two will regret it.
Why can’t you two just get along, Coke and Pepsi?
Coke, stop messing with Pepsi’s cap! I said stop!
If you two can’t play nice, I’m going to make the two of you walk home.
What did you say, Coke? Don’t you fizz at me!
I said cool it!
I swear you two are going to drive me insane. See all the white hair and the fillings? I got them from you two.
You just wait until we get home. I’m going to put one of you in the vegetable drawer and one of you in the freezer for a timeout session.
No, Pepsi, I don’t care if you explode in the freezer, I can always get another one of you.
Oh, come on! Quit it or else I’m going to cancel our trip to Disneyland!
This cola fight has to stop. Can’t the both of you be happy with being multibillion dollar companies? It’s not like either of you are RC Cola.
You may not realize this, but the only people you’re hurting are your consumers.
Coke, I didn’t hear you apologize for New Coke. All you did was slowly sweep New Coke under the rug, bring back the old Coke, and call it Classic Coke. You didn’t think I saw that, but I did.
Oh, don’t laugh Pepsi, you’re guilty, too. Remember Pepsi AM? Don’t act like you don’t remember, because I know you do.
Now what’s this I hear about Coke with Lime. Now Coke, you just can’t keep sticking stuff in you. You did lemons, cherries, and vanilla. What’s next? Chocolate? Strawberries? Pomegranate? You’re gonna get sick, and if you get sick, you’re going to make other people sick.
Remember the time you stuck Pop Rocks in you? What happened? You threw up. And who had to clean that mess? I did.
But I did try Coke with Lime and thought it wasn’t bad. The lime taste was really weak, unlike the vanilla taste in Vanilla Coke and the cherry taste in Cherry Coke. Also, I think the lime took out some of the bite that you usually have, Coke. I have to say I’m very disappointed in you.
See this is what happens when you don’t think before you act.
The same goes for you, Pepsi. You can’t play mad scientist, like Coke. I know what you’re up to, Mister. I’m sure you’re working on your own version of Coke with Lime in your room and you’re probably going to call it Pepsi Splash, Pepsi Squirt, or Pepsi Squeeze.
Just to let you know, nobody likes a copycat.
Also, I found the issues of Playboy under your mattress. You know, every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten.
But that’s besides the point. See you two made me lose focus.
All you two do is go back and forth.
Diet Coke. Diet Pepsi. Vanilla Coke. Pepsi Vanilla. Cherry Coke. Wild Cherry Pepsi. Coke with Lemon. Pepsi Twist. C2. Pepsi Edge. Pepsi One. Coke Zero.
Enough is enough.
Eventually you two are going to take it too far and someone’s really going to get hurt.
When will it all end?
Coke Infinity? Then Pepsi Infinity Plus One?
Look, I love you both, but if this keeps going on, I’m going to send one of you back.
Item: Coke With Lime
Purchase Price: $1.29
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Not bad tasting. It comes in a bottle. Coke thought of adding lime first.
Cons: Very light lime taste. Nothing special. Never-ending cola fight. Whiny multibillion dollar companies.