The three essential steps to enjoying Keebler’s new Lemon Cream Pie Fudge Stripes:
- Do not decapitate any woodland humanoids.
- Buy a bouquet of flowers for our country’s dying circus industry.
- Have a questionable taste in Starburst.
See what I did there? I opened this review with a deviously BuzzFeedian listicle that practically begs you to read the whole thing for comprehension.
Though I’m sure you were going to read anyway, because this latest elven attack in the Great Oreo–Fudge Stripe War is a doozy. Sure, Oreo has been churning out countless milk-dunked slam dunks, and Ernie the Keebler Elf probably doesn’t even know what a slam dunk is. But that hasn’t stopped him from firing back with new disc-shaped Fudge Stripes faster than a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy fires plastic pizzas.
Case in point: these new Lemon Cream Pie Fudge Stripes. Coming hot off the heels of Cinnamon Roll Fudge Stripes and just before Keebler’s upcoming Strawberry Cheesecake Fudge Stripes, Lemon Cream Pie hopes to beat over milk’s favorite cookie aisle behemoth with odd specificity. See, Oreo has had Lemon and Lemon Twist varieties, but it’s never put its money where its pie-hole is.
But enough talk: let’s put some Fudge Stripes where my pie hole is.
In my eagerness, I totally guillotined poor Ernie getting my Fudge Stripes open. This ultimately worked against me, as I now have no way of storing my rapidly staling cookies. Good thing I could eat the whole package in a sitting, because these are seriously good.
The delightful shortbread base may look like cross-sectioned lasagna noodles, but it tastes like the brown butter-smacked lovechild of a Nilla Wafer and a Barnum’s Animal Cracker. And given that the real Barnum’s circus just closed down, those crackers need to procreate if we want to preserve their nostalgic legacy.
All school lunch classics aside, these Fudges Stripes’ airy crumble, cozy lattice print, and pleasant twist of oily sweetened flour remind me of every cookie I ever bought from a church bake sale. And I’ll say “amen” to that.
As for the lemon, it’s far more subtly sweet than sinisterly citrusy. Meanwhile, the pristinely white dip and drizzle has all the hyper-sugared, slightly fatty vanilla sweetness of half-and-half mixed with marshmallow fluff. Taken together, the whole cookie tastes a lot like the Turkish Delights my 3rd grade teacher made while we read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, which is fitting, because I’d happily betray Narnia for these Fudge Stripes, just like Edmund.
Though perhaps “Yellow Starburst smothered in whipped cream” is a more fitting analogy, because your love of Yellow Starburst will be a good litmus test to determine if you’ll enjoy Lemon Cream Pie Fudge Stripes. Yellow is tied for my favorite alongside Pink, so I loved these cookies. But since I’ve been fiendishly mocked and pelted with hard candy morsels since childhood for this opinion, I know there are many Red Starburst diehards out there who will sour on these Stripes.
Ignoring the haters, I think these Fudge Stripes have more than earned their stripes. They’re light, accurate to their namesake pie, and have a crispy-creamy combo that’s irresistibly snack-able. They’re not memorable enough to topple any Oreo Empires, but I can’t think of a Fudge Stripe that could.
Can’t the two sides just sign a peace treaty and produce Oreo cookies with Fudge Stripes instead of wafers?
(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 11.5 oz. package
Purchased at: Meijer
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Church-approved cracker-wafer marriage. A Yellow Starburst Sundae that Pinterest probably has a recipe for. Bisected pasta dinners. Cookies > Aslan.
Cons: Divisive, bully-angering candy flavor. Nabisco’s unchallenged cookie aisle monopoly. Out of touch—and now lobotomized—elder Elves. Cookie-bait headlines.
9 thoughts to “REVIEW: Keebler Limited Batch Lemon Cream Pie Fudge Stripes”
quite the wordy review…when i got bored and skipped down to the bottom to see how they rank I was glad they taste as good as them seem they will.
When a guy is gonna eat a whole bunch of sugar, selflessly (sorta), for us (sorta), I think it’s fair to expect the sugar worming into his brain and out of his fingers in a consciousness-word-stream that tells us everything we need to know about these cookies.
Which is a blessing, really, as I’m never going to get to eat them (being in Germany) but that doesn’t stop me gazing at the monitor wishing I knew what they were like.
@Holly: Thank you for your gratuitous insulting . . . really necessary? But I do agree, the cookies indeed sound good, esp. for Spring.
Glad these are as good as I was hoping. I bought 2 packages, briefly thought about getting the cinnamon ones but going nah… I LOVE lemon things, so I don’t think these will last long once I break that seal.
When I reach the point in this evil cold where huddling miserably over a package of pre-fab cookies at 2 a.m. seems like a plan (which should be within the next two days, judging from current congestion), these will be top of my list, as I love lemon flavor, and that sweeeeeeeeeeet lemon-white chocolate kick is exactly what sends the germs into a tail spin. I may go pick some up today, just in case.
“Good thing I could eat the whole package in a sitting….”
My new favorite The Impulsive Buy writer.
Yessss I too am on team yellow/pink when it comes to Starburst so I’m even more pumped on these than I was before! Now I just gotta find em…
Oh yes………….I could totally eat the package in one sitting – yummy!
These cookies are awesome don’t take them away please
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