The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Frozen Coffee

I just downed 196 milligrams of caffeine and I am fuh-lying, baby!

Sick of pink Frappuccinos named after mythical beasts? Well, Dunkin’ has a new Frozen Coffee ready to speed up your hearts.

They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, but when it comes to popular frozen coffee drinks, imitation is the highest form of fattery.

That’s a little corny wordplay to kickstart your morning, folks. I apologize. Blame it on the caffeine.

I’m not normally a frozen coffee guy, but every now and then I switch it up. That must have been Dunkin’ Donuts’ thought process when they decided to revamp the Coffee Coolatta into their new Frozen Coffee.

Their new coffee is blended with 100 percent Arabica extract, your choice of dairy, and ice. I’m no expert, but that certainly sounds like the recipe for frozen coffee.

I won’t pretend “Arabica” coffee extract moves my needle. I don’t know the difference. I actually thought it said “abra cadabra” extract at first and was pumped. I thought there was gonna be some Jack and the Beanstalk magic in my future.

But alas, as I made my order, the girl at the counter seemed overwhelmed. She had yet to make a Frozen Coffee. I was her trial run. Thankfully a nice manager came over and fired her on the spot! Nah, she showed her the ropes.

I hadn’t ordered a Coolatta in a while, but I seem to recall them having ice that was never chopped fine enough for my liking. The ice was always gritty, along the lines of a Slush Puppy, not fine like a normal Slurpee.

Frozen Coffee definitely improved on the Coolatta in that area. After a few sips that were straight liquid, the coffee got to the right temperature and I got slushy sips that were on par with a Frappuccino.

The taste was kinda bitter, not gonna lie. It took a few sips to adjust, and for the strong coffee flavor to really kick in. Keep in mind, I didn’t order an additional flavor shot. I wanted to review the standard Frozen Coffee before mixing in one of Dunkin’s ever growing flavor swirl options.

As I sipped on, it tasted like those bottled Starbucks Frappuccino drinks but with blended ice. I guess that’s technically a plain Frappuccino? It’s been a while. This didn’t sway far from a slushier version of regular coffee with a few tablespoons of sugar.

I wasn’t offered a milk option, but rest assured I would have gone with boring skim. It’s the Diet Coke to my Triple Cheeseburger and large fry combo. I just assume they used whole milk.

The whipped cream sunk to the bottom, and while I’ve been on the record in the past about my love/hate for whipped “topping,” it was a pretty good sugar fix to end on.

All in all, it’s not bad, but I seem to remember regular Coolattas being better. Again, remember, you can customize the flavor. I have little doubt Dunkin’s Frozen Coffee would be significantly better with mocha, hazelnut, French vanilla or, well, basically any flavor. Order a flavor swirl.

I don’t see this replacing my usual iced coffee order, and it’s probably not gonna compete with a Frappuccino if I want a super sugary coffee slush, but I’ll probably mix a few in over the summer.

The Dunkin’ Frozen Coffee feels like a drink that will grow on me if I have it more, but for now, it was just okay. I’ll be curious to see what Coolatta loyalists have to say about it.

(Nutrition Facts – small – 420 calories, 18 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 64 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 61 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, and 196 mg of caffeine.)

Purchased Price: $3.29
Size: Small
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like it’s supposed to – like a blended, sugary regular coffee. Customizable. Whipped cream paired well. Big caffeine boost.
Cons: Bitter at first. Not really breaking any molds. “Coffee Coolatta” was a considerably better name. Pretty big for a small, “Fattery” not being a real word. No magic beans.