The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: Peeps Mystery Flavors (2018)

UPDATE: Apparently, if you look at the boxes the Mystery Peeps come packed in on store shelves, they’ll tell you what the flavors are. If you want spoilers, here you go (in no particular order).

In college, I studied Early Modern English, which includes the language of the King James Bible. When I read the Old Testament passage that talks about “wizards that peep, and that mutter,” I imagined something like chicks with pointed hats casting spells in a dungeon somewhere.

The Peeping wizards at Just Born have once again conjured up three mystery flavors of Peeps Marshmallows just in time for Easter. All three flavors are as white as Dumbledore’s beard, so there’s no way to tell them apart from each other, other than the packaging.

The first flavor is familiar, and after a few seconds of chewing, it is obvious: root beer. I’m 90 percent confident on this. It could also be wintergreen since that’s a similar flavor, but root beer seems more likely. It’s not as strongly flavored as, say, a root beer barrel hard candy, but it’s decent. There’s a little whiff of sassafras in the package.

The second flavor…I’m not so sure about. It has citric acid in the ingredients list, which is not in flavor 1. I want to say it tastes like purple conversation hearts, so grape, but it also tastes like the smell of lemon Lysol. Given my guesses of flavors 1 and 3, I’m going to guess, with 60 percent confidence, they were going for a soda theme and made this lemon-lime (aka Sprite). It’s OK.

The third flavor is different from the other two, as far as ingredients go. It has fumaric acid (whatever that is) and pectin, and citric acid is higher in the ingredients label than in flavor 2. As a result, it has a slightly spongier texture and a slightly lower sugar content. This one is by far the most fragrant of the three, with a strong scent infiltrating my nostrils.

While I’m eating the marshmallow, I really can’t place the flavor. I know I’ve had it somewhere, but all I can taste is a summer day at the amusement park. Minutes after I have swallowed, the residual flavor tastes like Dr Pepper. Even though Dr Pepper is what I taste eventually, it’s not what I taste while the Peep is actually in my mouth, so I’m not sure. My guess is cherry cola, but I’m only 50 percent confident. I’m 30 percent confident on Dr Pepper (or whatever they call it to avoid trademark issues), and I’m 20 percent clueless.

All of them are pleasant enough flavors and a nice change from the original, but I doubt I would buy them if they made them regular flavors. They’re not very memorable. Flavor 1 is the best of the three. My final verdict on the flavors: root beer, lemon-lime soda, and cherry cola.

But guessing was harder than I expected. If I get them wrong, will the Peeping wizards revoke my reviewer’s license?

And when I told my dad I was reviewing mystery-flavored Peeps, he thought I said Listerine-flavored. There’s an idea for next year, Just Born!

(Nutrition Facts – 4 chicks – Flavors #1 and #2 – 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein. Flavor #3 – 100 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 23 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.24 each
Size: 3 oz./10 chicks
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10 (#1 of 3)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (#2 of 3)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (#3 of 3)
Pros: Root beer is obvious and the best of the three. Pleasant enough flavors. They keep you guessing. It’s nice that they’re doing something fun with an otherwise boring treat.
Cons: It’s frustrating when you can’t guess! Not memorable flavors. Nutrition facts are not identical. Peeping wizards revoking your reviewer’s license.