Magnum promotes its ice cream as elegant. I look at its ads and all I imagine are monocle and top hat wearing men and pearl necklace and feather hat wearing women enjoying Magnum bars with their pinky fingers pointing out.
But eating the brand’s new tubs are anything but elegant because doing so involves choking, cracking, and stabbing.
It also involves waiting.
Most times with ice cream, we can pull it out of the freezer, pull back the lid, and dig right in. But, according to the gold foil that top these not-quite-pints, there’s a 10-minute wait before one can first dig into them.
Hey Siri. Set timer for 10 minutes.
Maybe the time is needed to let the ice cream and Belgian chocolate soften. Or maybe it allows us to psych ourselves up for all the violence we’re about to unleash.
Once the time is up, the foil lid says to choke the container. Okay, it says “squeeze,” but that’s what refined feather hat folks would do. Choking the life out of the container and hearing the chocolate crack is what I did, and it’s a bit of a stress reliever.
But the stress comes back after pulling back the foil and discovering that, despite treating the plastic container like Bart Simpson’s neck and the cracking, the top chocolate layer remains completely intact. So now stabbing it with a spoon is necessary. And I had to do that with all four varieties — Milk Chocolate Vanilla, Dark Chocolate Raspberry, Milk Chocolate Hazelnut, and White Chocolate Vanilla.
All this foreplay leads to a somewhat anticlimactic moment. All four varieties taste like I’m eating Magnum Ice Cream Bars, but with a spoon. “DUH!” I can hear some of you yell through your screens. I know. It’s what I expected too. But, while the two types taste the same, these tubs are a better experience.
When I bite into a bar and hear the chocolate shell crack, it’s satisfying. But it’s also frustrating because soon after that bite there’s a very good chance a piece of the shell (or pieces) will fall to the ground. But that’s not the case with the chocolate in the tub because it’s contained. And that’s good because there’s a lot of it. There’s a thick layer on top, a thick layer on the bottom, thick waves in the ice cream, and a thin layer that goes around the midsection.
The thick pieces have a pleasant snap and the ice cream is creamy and flavorful, although I find it to be, texture-wise, too frozen dairy dessert-like.
If I had to pick favorites, it would be White Chocolate Vanilla and Milk Chocolate Hazelnut. No, wait, White Chocolate Vanilla and Dark Chocolate Raspberry. Um, wait. White Chocolate Vanilla and, um, well, let’s just say Milk Chocolate Vanilla was the least exciting, but still fantastic.
To be honest, I’ve never eaten the Classic White Magnum Ice Cream Bar, so I wasn’t sure what to expect with the White Chocolate Vanilla tub. But it reminds me of birthday cake, making it so good. Milk Chocolate Hazelnut is like eating ice cream with smashed Ferrero Rocher balls. It is also so good. Dark Chocolate Raspberry has a sweet and tart raspberry ice cream that goes extremely well with the 65 percent cacao dark chocolate. It is also so good. Basically, if you enjoy Magnum bars, you can’t go wrong with any of the varieties.
So if you’re looking for a cleaner, but more violent way to enjoy Magnum ice cream, these tubs are the way to do it.
(Nutrition Facts – 2/3 cup – White Chocolate Vanilla – 350 calories, 21 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, 34 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein. Dark Chocolate Raspberry – 340 calories, 24 grams of fat, 15 grams of saturated fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 26 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein. Milk Chocolate Vanilla – 350 calories, 22 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 31 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein. Milk Chocolate Hazelnut – 370 calories, 26 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 30 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.)
Purchased Price: $3.99 each (on sale)
Size: 14 oz. tubs
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Milk Chocolate Vanilla)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Dark Chocolate Raspberry)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Milk Chocolate Hazelnut)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (White Chocolate Vanilla)
Pros: Tastes like Magnum Ice Cream Bars. Cleaner way to eat Magnum Ice Cream Bars. Choking container and hearing the chocolate crack is a stress reliever. Satisfying snap of the chocolate.
Cons: A more violent way to enjoy Magnum Ice Cream Bars. Squeezing or choking container doesn’t crack the top layer of chocolate. Ice cream tubs make portion control more difficult than ice cream bars. Ice cream texture is a bit too frozen dairy dessert like.