REVIEW: Glad ForceFlex Kitchen Trash Bags

Glad ForceFlex Kitchen Trash Bags

Editor’s Note: Sorry for the late review today. The Impulsive Buy had to do some extra testing with today’s product to see if they would make great ghost costumes for kids. Long story short, they definitely do not, especially if the drawstrings are pulled.

The Impulsive Buy’s goal is to be just like the 800-pound gorilla of the product review world, Consumer Reports.

However, it’s hard to be like them when we aren’t very thorough with our reviews, some of the reviews contain sexual situations, we don’t have good grammar, and we like to excessively use the word “BOOBIES.”

Heck, we aren’t even as good as those compulsive reviewers at Amazon and Epinions, who have written reviews for hundreds of products.

Actually, to be honest, we really don’t want to be like Consumer Reports. I know we just said we wanted to be just like them, but all we want is their kick-ass multi-million dollar testing facility.

They have goggle-wearing scientists, state-of-the-art machines, and a frickin’ car testing track. Oh yeah, let’s not forget the white lab coats, beakers, and test tubes.

Here at the Impulsive Buy we have ONLY ONE lab coat that I stole when I was taking Chemistry 151 Lab.

But alas, the Impulsive Buy doesn’t have a kick-ass multi-million dollar testing facility, so we have to be creative when testing products.

For example, take today’s product, Glad ForceFlex Kitchen Trash Bags. I’m sure in the Consumer Reports kick-ass testing facility they have scientists who use state-of-the-art stretching machinery that can exactly determine how much the Glad ForceFlex can stretch.

Here at the Impulsive Buy, we have bupkis. So because we don’t have a computerized stretching machine, I decided to test the Glad ForceFlex using the demanding test of trash bag races. You know, like potato sack races except with trash bags.

I didn’t think conducting a trash bag race would’ve given us an accurate measure of how stretchable the Glad ForceFlex is, but it sounded more fun than some expensive machine.

So to accomplish this, I called up some friends who I thought might be interested in helping me for the greater good of consumers.

Unfortunately when I called them, all I heard was, “No way,” “That’s so lame,” “Um, no,” and “You know the restraining order prevents you from calling me.”

Since no one wanted to participate in the Glad ForceFlex trash bag races, I had to do it on my own, just like my sex life.

What makes the Glad ForceFlex so special is the unique diamond texture that stretches around objects to help prevent rips and tears. That diamond texture sure did stretch around my feet as I placed them into one of the ForceFlex bags.

So after stepping inside one of the bags, I hopping around the Impulsive Buy like a rabbit on crack for several minutes. Despite my constant hopping, the ForceFlex bag didn’t tear. But my constant hopping did cause me to become very winded, very quickly.

So what did I learn from my experiment? I learned that these Glad ForceFlex bags are very durable and that I’m out of shape.

Item: Glad ForceFlex Kitchen Trash Bags
Purchase Price: $5.99
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Drawstrings. Durable. Stretchable.
Cons: No ForceFlex trash bag relay races. I’m out of shape. Makes bad ghost costumes for kids.

REVIEW: Pop-Tarts Frosted Caramel Chocolate Snak Stix

Pop-Tarts Frosted Caramel Chocolate Snak Stix

Sharing is one of the important lessons we all learned while growing up.

Some of us learned sharing from our parents, some of us learned it in school, some of us learned it from Sesame Street, and others learned it from passing around a bong.

Thanks to my parents, I learned sharing at a young age and throughout my life I have passed on this lesson to others.

In kindergarten, I shared my crayons.

In grade school, I shared my glue.

In middle school, I shared my toys.

In high school, I shared the answers for the multiple-choice part of a history test by pretending to scratch my back, but really showing with my fingers what the answers were.

Finally, in college, I shared my heart. Unfortunately, I never got it back and ever since then I have roamed this planet as an empty shell, not being able to feel emotions or show love.

Sharing is a wonderful thing and the Pop-Tarts Frosted Caramel Chocolate Snak Stix is a wonderful way to promote sharing. Each Snak Stix can be broken up into three parts, thanks to the perforations on the pastry.

After you break it up, you can share it with your kids, friends, or your fellow stoners, who probably have a case of the munchies.

As I have done with previous Pop-Tarts, I tried the Snak Stix both frozen and toasted. Usually, freezing the Pop-Tarts creates a nice chewy snack. However, with the Frosted Caramel Chocolate Snak Stix I ended up with something that was significantly harder than the other Pop-Tarts flavors I stuck in the freezer.

Whether frozen or toasted, the Frosted Caramel Chocolate Snak Stix was damn tasty, but it wasn’t good enough to dethrone my favorite Pop-Tarts flavor, Hot Fudge Sundae. Although, it’s definitely somewhere in my top five list of favorite Pop-Tarts flavors.

If there was a problem with the Snak Stix it would be that the box came with ONLY six Pop-Tarts. A regular box of Pop-Tarts comes with EIGHT of them.

Having two less Pop-Tarts may not seem like much, but my stoner friends tell me that when you’ve got the Mary Jane-induced munchies that difference turns out to be pretty big.

Item: Pop-Tarts Frosted Caramel Chocolate Snak Stix
Purchase Price: $1.99 (on sale)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Easy to share, if you want to, but you should. Tastes pretty good. Perfect for stoners.
Cons: Not the best Pop-Tarts to freeze. Only comes with six pastries.

REVIEW: Method Green Tea + Aloe Hand Wash


Do you know a relative, friend, co-worker, or mistress who’s a little too obsessive compulsive? Sure, we all know one.

They wash their hands over 30 times a day; have a Costco-sized bottle of waterless hand sanitizer on their desk; opens public restroom doors with a paper towel; puts enough layers of sanitary covers on a toilet seat that it provides a slight cushion; or uses Lysol on EVERYTHING.

Well if you have yet to get that person a Christmas gift, what better gift to give them than the gift of cleanliness.

Might I suggest the Method Green Tea + Aloe Hand Wash.

Editor’s Note, Part Two: Um…For you smokers of the ganja, there is no correlation between the name Method and the fact that the color of this hand wash is green. Method products come in a wide range of colors.

I’ve been a really big fan of Method products for a while, although to be honest I’ve never used any of their products until now.

The reason why I didn’t try any was because I couldn’t get my dirty hands on Method products here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean (We so desperately need a Target). However, Impulsive Buy groupie Akiko gave me some.

Editor’s Note, Part Three: Um…When I say, “she gave me some,” I meant she gave me a bottle of Method Green Tea + Aloe Hand Wash. Just thought I’d clear that up, since she is an Impulsive Buy groupie.

I think I became a fan of Method products after reading an article about them in one of the Business 2.0 issues I stole from my doctor’s office.

I’m a fan because their products come in nice curvy bottles and I’m sucker for things that have curves, like Catherine Zeta Jones and the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Another reason is because their products are biodegradable, non-toxic, naturally derived, and aren’t tested on animals, which satisfies my tree-hugging side. Finally, I like the company because its name starts with the letter “M.”

As for the Method Green Tea + Aloe Hand Wash, besides being green in color and environmentally-friendly, it smells really good.

So what does green tea combined with aloe smell like? It smells clean. It’s not fruity, flowery, or girly. It just smells clean.

Just the way obsessive-compulsive people like to smell.

If you think about it, our obsessive-compulsive friends maybe on to something with all of this cleanliness. Think about all the things that get touched a lot on a daily basis by people. You don’t know what kind of people they are or where these people have been.

Imagine all the germs on these things, like doorknobs, money, elevator buttons, handrails, and Paris Hilton.

Item: Method Green Tea + Aloe Hand Wash
Purchase Price: FREE (retail price $4.00)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Clean scent. Environmentally friendly. Nice curvy bottle. Oh yeah, let me feel those curves on that bottle. Oh yeah, let me feel those curves on the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Teehehehehe.
Cons: Kind of pricey for hand soap. Can’t get it here in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Memey Christmas!!!

I’m not one of those people who would jump into a volcano if everyone else jumped into it, but I was asked by Impulsive Buy fanatic, Mellie from Golly Blog Howdy to do this meme, which seems to be really popular right now in the blogosphere.

At first, I didn’t want to do it, but it’s the giving season, Mellie is one of the Impulsive Buy’s biggest fans, and Mellie said it would be like me doing a product review on myself.

So here I am, jumping into a volcano…

Three names you go by:
1. Marvo
2. Marv
3. Mar

Three screen names you have:
1. Marvo (That’s it)

Three things you like about yourself:
1. My sense of humor
2. My creativity
3. My ability to talk about anything and nothing

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:
1. My slouch
2. My gut (Stop looking at my gut! I’m working on it!)
3. My bank account

Three parts of your heritage:
1. Japanese (Unless my mom and dad aren’t telling me something)

Three things that scare you:
1. Panhandlers
2. Ben Affleck movies
3. Creamy Alfredo Ramen

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. iPod (The way I drown out the rest of the world)
2. Power Mac G4
3. Peanut butter and guava jelly toast

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. Nike running shorts
2. Plain gray t-shirt
3. Gap plaid boxers

Three of your favorite bands/artists at the moment:
1. Stephen Lynch (comedian)
2. Do As Infinity (Japanese rock band)
3. Alkaline Trio

Three of your favorite songs at present:
1. “Baby” by Stephen Lynch
2. “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” by My Chemical Romance
3. “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Green Day

Three things you want to try in the next 12 months:
1. Get a real job (This freelance writing thing is tough)
2. Lose 10 pounds
3. Beat down spammers Bob and Texas Holdem with a rusty shovel

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
1. Sense of humor
2. Good conversation
3. Intelligence

Two truths and a lie:
1. I got an angry letter from a multi-billion dollar fast food chain
2. I can touch my nose with my tongue
3. I’m a compulsive recycler.

Three physical things about the opposite (or same) sex that appeals to you:
1. Nice smile
2. Nice legs
3. Baby-making hips

Three things you just can’t do:
1. A cartwheel
2. Name all 50 state and their capitals
3. Eat anything with coconuts (I HATE coconuts)

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. Writing/Blogging
2. Watching the Daily Show
3. Eating stuff I shouldn’t be eating and then exercising to make up for the fact that I’m eating stuff I shouldn’t be eating

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
1. Buy a new digital camera (Mine broke an hour ago)
2. Order a pizza
3. Go to the bathroom.

Three careers you’re considering:
1. Professional writer/blogger
2. Advertising copywriter
3. Homely, slightly overweight stripper

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Seattle
2. Vancouver
3. Italy

Three kids names:
I don’t have kids (at least, none that I know of), but here are some random names.
1. Aaron
2. Candace
3. Mellie

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. Live
2. Pay off my car loan
3. Make out with either Angelina Jolie or Winona Ryder or both at the same time

Item: Marvo
Purchase Price: $5.00 (I believe that’s the going rate for homely, slightly overweight strippers)
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Ability to put together a sentence. Long sideburns.
Cons: Homely. Slightly overweight. Slouches.

REVIEW: Maruchan Creamy Alfredo Instant Lunch Ramen Noodles


Editor’s Note: We at the Impulsive Buy would like to wish all of our regular readers a very Merry Christmas. We hope your holiday is filled with good times with family and friends.

We also hope it is filled with awesome gifts that you don’t have to return, although most likely you will have to return some because they are either too big or totally lame.

Here at the Impulsive Buy all we want for Christmas is just more stuff to review or gift cards to buy stuff to review.

Finally, as our crappy Christmas gift to all of our readers, we present to you “‘Twas The Day Before Christmas: The Impulsive Buy Edition”

‘Twas the day before Christmas, I had nothing to review.
Holy crap! What the hell was I supposed to do?
I looked in the cupboard, which was almost bare,
Except for a cup of ramen noodles on the top shelf there.

“Oh, hell no,” I said shaking my head with disgust on my face.
Even though I bought the ramen so I could review it in the first place.
Creamy Alfredo Ramen Noodles, I bought it over a month ago.
It was so cheap, it only took 33 cents of my dough.

I boiled water for this ramen flavor I’ve never had before.
Pulled back the lid of the ramen to smell what was in store.
Took a quick whiff and then closed the lid as quickly as I could.
Then I said a quick prayer, got my rabbit’s foot, and knocked on wood.

“People actually eat this stuff,” I couldn’t believe.
It smelled so bad that I let out a few dry heaves.
If I can’t stand the stench, I wonder what eating it would entail.
No wonder it was labeled “Reduced Price for Quick Sale.”

I let it sit for the instructed three minutes, after I added the hot aqua.
But I let it sit for another five, as I prepared to eat something I didn’t wanna.
Taking deep breaths, meditating, and affirmations didn’t help.
“Do it for your readers,” I said to try and encourage myself.

Maruchan Creamy Alfredo Instant Lunch Ramen Noodles Closeup

I peeled back the lid and looked at the milky white mess.
Ooh, a whole 1,370 milligrams of sodium goodness.
The aroma of the Alfredo Ramen came up to my face.
I had a few garbage cans next to me, just in case.

After a few more dry heaves, I think I was ready to consume.
If it smells bad, it’s gonna taste bad, I was going to assume.
I picked up my fork and gave the Alfredo Ramen a stir.
It really looked like vomit in a cup, I so badly wanted to defer.

The first bite was not bad, but it could have been a total fluke.
I took a second bite, “Oh, man. It was. I think I’m going to puke.”
Tried to force myself to eat a third, but my body wouldn’t take the risk.
I put down my fork, because I had more than enough of this.

I went to the sink and poured the Alfredo Ramen down the drain.
If only the garbage disposal had taste buds, it would know my pain.
After a few spins of the garbage disposal, it was all disintegrated.
But even with all of it gone, I still felt so nauseated.

So I sprang to my car and headed to the nearest drive-thru.
A burger and fries will help me cope with what I’ve just been through.
After eating fast food and getting some rest, I began to feel all right,
Merry Christmas to all and avoid Alfredo Ramen for the rest of your life.

Item: Maruchan Creamy Alfredo Instant Lunch Ramen Noodles
Purchase Price: $0.33 (on sale)
Rating: 0 out of 10
Pros: Dirt cheap.
Cons: Smells like puke. Looks like puke. Tastes like puke. May make you puke.