Author: Marvo

NEWS: New Bumblebee Blast Slurpee Doesn’t Taste Like Metal, Oil and Energon

Marvo 6 Comments

I personally think Slurpee took the wrong approach with their Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen-promoting Bumblebee Blast Slurpee. I believe if they wanted to sell a Pacific Ocean’s worth of Slurpees, they should’ve come out with a flavor called Megan Fox Frost and have four collector’s cups featuring Megan Fox on the hood of Autobots like she’s Tawny Kitaen in Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” music video.

It really doesn’t matter what Megan Fox Frost would taste like (heck, it could be mango passion fruit flavored like the Bumblebee Blast Slurpee or whatever the flavor of Ben Gay is) because as long as there are collector’s cups featuring Megan Fox (preferably in 3-D), they would sell like bottled water on a scorching summer day. Of course, 98% percent of purchases would be made by men.

The Megan Fox-less Bumblebee Blast Slurpee has zero grams of fat, no protein and no caffeine. A 12-ounce cup has 96 calories and 25 grams of sugar; a 28-ounce serving contains 224 calories and 59 grams of sugar; and for those extreme sweettooths, a huge 40-ounce cup has 320 calories and 85 grams of sugar.

PRIZE DRAWING: Because I Want Three Readers To Eat Smart

Marvo 137 Comments

The new Smartfood Popcorn Clusters are being marketed towards women, but to that I say nay. If guys can’t use Secret Deodorant, which is strong enough for a man, but made for a woman, then we’re just going to have to enjoy these new popcorn snacks from Frito Lay. If I can’t smell powder fresh, then I’m going to eat these popcorn snacks with two grams of fat or less and 120 calories or less per serving. They’re also a good source of dietary fiber and calcium, providing around 20% of your daily recommended allowance of each. But before I eat some, The Impulsive Buy is going to give some away.

Thanks to the fine folks at Frito Lay, The Impulsive Buy has three boxes of Smartfood Popcorn Clusters to give away to three lucky readers. Each box contains five packs and we have one box of each flavor:

–Cranberry Almond

–Honey Multigrain

–Chocolate Cookie Caramel Pecan

If you’d like to read a review about them, our friends at Snackerrific wrote one up.

To enter this prize drawing, just leave a comment with THIS post with the flavor you would like to win AND a random nugget of knowledge that you can’t believe is stuck in your head.

For example, I know for a fact that there is a town in Austria called Fucking. I don’t know how or why that’s stuck in my head, but it is and it’s there forever.

Please fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. The Impulsive Buy will stop accepting entries on Friday, June 5, 2009 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one entry allowed per person (I’m keeping track of the IP addresses) and it’s open to EVERYONE (men and women) who’s 18 years old or older.

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you emails about how you can get Rolex watches at a fraction of the cost. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you AAA Membership upgrade offers. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or the heat this summer.

NEWS: Jamba Juice Looks to Spread Bliss With Their New Blackberry Smoothie But It Probably Won’t Help Jon and Kate Gosselin

Marvo 11 Comments


Over the past few days, I’ve been complaining about the warm weather on TIB’s Twitter account. Some of you are probably saying, “You live in frickin’ Hawaii! Suck it up, you little bitch!” But I am a hairy mofo, so I don’t cool down as well as those who are less hairy than me.

I tried panting, but apparently that only works for dogs.

So here I am staring at the new Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss smoothie and wishing I had one in my hands so I could suck on it or pour it all over my hot (temperature, not sexiness) body to cool me down. This new smoothie consists of an apple strawberry juice blend, frozen blueberries, frozen strawberries, plain sorbet, ice, frozen blackberries and raspberry sherbet.

A 16-ounce serving has 260 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 410 milligrams of potassium, 61 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 54 grams of sugar and 1 gram of protein.

A 24-ounce serving contains 380 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 35 milligrams of sodium, 600 milligrams of potassium, 91 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 80 grams of sugar and 2 grams of protein.

A honkin’ 32-ounce serving has 500 calories, 2 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 55 milligrams of sodium, 770 milligrams of potassium, 9 grams of fiber, 104 grams of sugar and 3 grams of protein.

NEWS: Kellogg’s Adds Honey To Corn Flakes To Make Them Slightly Less Damn Boring

Marvo 12 Comments

When I want to express how boring something is, I occasionally use the phrase, “It’s like watching paint dry.” But when I want to mix it up, I use the line, “It’s like eating Corn Flakes.” Or, “It’s like watching C-SPAN with the volume turned down.”

Corn Flakes is a cereal I don’t pay attention to in the vast cereal aisle because everything about it is boring. I’m surprised there’s a rooster on the front of the box. Instead I think there should be sheep jumping over a fence, because Corn Flakes are so boring that they make me fall asleep. Recently, Kellogg’s introduced a new Corn Flakes variety with a hint of added sweetness, the Corn Flakes Touch of Honey.

I’m sure the addition of honey will make Corn Flakes a little more interesting, but why has it taken so long for Kellogg’s to do this? Corn Flakes has been around for about a century and only now they’ve come up with this idea? I guess better late than never.

A cup serving of the Corn Flakes Touch of Honey contains 120 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 50 milligrams of potassium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 6 grams of sugar, 20 grams other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.

REVIEW: Nestle Soy Sauce Kit Kat

Marvo 31 Comments

DISGRACE!

I demand the limited edition Japanese Soy Sauce Kit Kat commit seppuku right now, because it’s nothing like what I expected.

What did I expect?

I thought the whole Soy Sauce Kit Kat was going to come in the color of death, much like actual soy sauce. I’m not talking about just black or the color of eyeliner around Pete Wentz’s eyes, I’m talking about a black so dark that it’s only found in black holes and in the chest cavity of those who kill kittens and puppies for pleasure.

I wanted it to be so black that if I were to touch it, I would either wither and turn into a pile of dust or my fingers would end up in an alternate universe where dinosaurs still roam the lands and Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have their own reality show called Survivor: Heidi and Spencer Trapped on an Island Forever With Hungry Dinosaurs.

Instead it has a white chocolate exterior and a tan wafer interior.

While the Soy Sauce Kit Kat didn’t come in a color that was blacker than the void where Simon Cowell’s heart is supposed to be, I thought it was going to have a strong salty soy sauce flavor that’s so real that I would want to melt each Kit Kat finger down to liquid form and dip my spicy tuna roll or salmon nigirizushi into it. But the Soy Sauce Kit Kat doesn’t have a hint of soy sauce flavor, instead it has a strong maple syrup scent and taste.

WTF, Japan!

I expected, nay, I wanted to be disgusted by this flavor of Kit Kat. I also wanted to brag about how I was man enough to consume a salty, black Kit Kat that made my saliva glands close shut by getting a t-shirt that said, “I Survived a Soy Sauce Kit Kat.” But no, Nestle, the makers of Kit Kat in Japan had to rain on my parade and sic Godzilla on my floral floats and marching bands.

Now I’m stuck with a box of delicious tasting, crispy, maple syrup-flavored, white chocolate Kit Kat, which is the complete opposite of what I wanted. The only thing that kind of disgusted me was the unusually long length of time the maple syrup flavor lingered in my mouth, but it didn’t make me gag like a salty soy sauce flavored candy would’ve.

What are those crazy bastards in Japan going to do to mess with my taste buds next time? A Natto (fermented soybeans) Kit Kat that tastes like cotton candy? A Seaweed Kit Kat with a caramel flavor?

DISGRACE!

(Note: The AV Club reviewed these last year.)

Item: Nestle Soy Sauce Kit Kat
Price: FREE
Size: 12-pack
Purchased at: Received from parents
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice maple syrup flavor. Crispy. Heidi and Spencer being eaten by dinosaurs. The variety of Kit Kat flavors in Japan. Being able to say I ate something disgusting.
Cons: Doesn’t have a hint of soy sauce flavor. Doesn’t come in the color of death. Fingers are smaller than regular sized Kit Kat. Hard to find outside of Japan. The maple syrup flavor lingered in my mouth longer than I wanted it to. Limited edition. Having your parade attacked by Godzilla.