NEWS: Burger King’s New Hot Fries Snack Makes Me Want To Add A New Entry At Urban Dictionary

The Burger King Hot Fries Potato Snacks have got me thinking about an appropriate definition for the term “hot fries” for the Urban Dictionary website, which is a collection of slang words and phrases. So far, I’ve come up with three possible definitions.

1. A phrase expressing excitement like one would have after realizing they’ve received a fresh batch of french fries straight out of the fryer. Interchangeable with the phrase “hot damn.”

2. Sexy legs that may or may not be covered with red pantyhose.

3. Crabs-infested pubic hair.

Of course, the Burger King Hot Fries Potato Snacks have nothing to do with any of these definitions, but they are similar to the Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks I reviewed awhile back. I didn’t really care for those, so I’m not too eager to try these, even though its packaging claims it’s spicy, which is a flavor that my tastebuds enjoy, along with licking hot fries.

I’ll let you figure out which definition of hot fries I’m referring to.

NEWS: MorningStar Farms Hot And Spicy Veggie Sausage Tries Burning You To Make You Forget It’s Not Meat

It’s fitting to see a company named MorningStar Farms come out with a hot and spicy version of their veggie breakfast sausages, since Morning Star is another name for Lucifer, who likes hot and spicy places.

MorningStar Farms Hot & Spicy Veggie Sausage Patties are seasoned with herbs and spices, like crushed red pepper, red bell peppers, black pepper and cayenne pepper. I’ve had their original veggie sausage patties, which I’ve enjoyed, and their maple-flavored variety, which tastes just like the original ones, and since I likey the spicy, I’ll probably enjoy these.

A box of MorningStar Farms Hot & Spicy Veggie Sausage Patties contains six patties. Each hot and spicy patty contains 70 calories, 3 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 130 milligrams of potassium, 3 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber and 8 grams of protein.

NEWS: Ben & Jerry’s New Boston Cream Pie Flavor Probably Thinks Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk Is Wicked Retahded

I’ve eaten a lot of fattening foods in my short lifetime, which have probably shortened my lifespan, but I’ve never had a Boston Cream Pie.

When I went to the all-knowing Wikipedia to learn about it, I found out it’s actually a cake.

Or is it? I’m so confused.

Well at least I know for sure the Ben & Jerry’s Boston Cream Pie Ice Cream is ice cream and eating a whole pint in one sitting is wicked retarded. The ice cream is made up of Boston Cream Pie-flavored ice cream with yellow cake pieces, fudge flakes and pastry cream swirls.

A 1/2 cup serving contains 250 calories, 13 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 90 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 26 grams of sugar and 3 grams of protein.

NEWS: Pepto-Bismol InstaCool Still Can’t Make Getting Diarrhea Cool

For my heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, nausea and diarrhea, I trust Pepto-Bismol. But only because it rhymes with rectal dismal. I have a lot of faith in medications that rhyme with a symptom I’m feeling.

Their latest product is Pepto-Bismol with InstaCool, which are chewable tablets with a peppermint flavor and cooling sensation. According to Pepto-Bismol, the peppermint and cooling feeling, “lets you know relief is on the way.”

But their old products did the same thing. I think the chalkiness of their original tablets and the sludge-like liquid Pepto-Bismol sliding down my digestive system are great ways to let me know relief is on the way.

Pepto-Bismol with InstaCool is available in quantities of 30 tablets.

NEWS: Vitaminwater Connect Gives Facebook Users Something Appropriate To Spit Out When They Find Out Via Facebook The Ex They Still Think About Is Now Married

Last year, Vitaminwater allowed their Facebook fans to create a new flavor and the result of that is Vitaminwater Connect. The newest beverage from the Coke-owned company is a black cherry-lime flavored water that contains eight “key nutrients” and caffeine. Sadly, none of the ingredients in the beverage were grown via FarmVille.

As with all flavors of Vitaminwater, it contains the obligatory light-hearted copy in all lowercase letters:

“we caught you. no use denying it. your fingerprints are all over this bottle. after connecting on Facebook, you voted on the flavor & designed the label—it was great having you do all the work! and since you’ve been so busy pretending not to notice friend requests for about 3 days, posting pics of events (that you’re still at), and clicking through photos of ‘friends’ you barely know (ever get nervous they can tell?), better crack open this bottle. it’s got 8 key nutrients from vitamin a to zing plus caffeine to give you some extra energy… because based on last night’s pics, it looks like you’ve got some serious untagging to do.”

It won’t be available until March, but you can kill some of that time by playing Mafia Wars or Bejeweled Blitz.