NEWS: One of Kashi’s Latest Veggie Pizzas Fails To Keep It Real

Some of the things I think about when it comes to delicious pizza are how unhealthy they are, how greasy they are and what my face looked like when I was 13 years old, but health nutty companies like Kashi and Amy’s are making pizzas a little bit healthier by not topping theirs with meat products. That’s great, but the new Kashi Sicilian Veggie Pizza has gotten me worried because it doesn’t have cheese.

The Sicilian Veggie is a stone fired pizza covered with caramelized onions, grilled eggplant, fire roasted red peppers on top of a balsamic infused white bean tomato sauce. But, again, there’s no cheese.

According to my computer’s dictionary, a pizza is, “a dish of Italian origin consisting of a flat, round base of dough baked with a topping of tomato sauce and cheese, typically with added meat or vegetables.”

See what it said? Pizza has to have cheese. Because it’s in a dictionary, I believe it to be fact, and my computer’s dictionary doesn’t lie because it has a picture of Spencer Pratt under the definition for “asshole.”

So, technically, the Kashi Sicilian Veggie isn’t a pizza, but Kashi’s other new pizza is one. The Mexicali Black Bean Thin Crust has a whole grain crust topped with a spicy black bean and tomato sauce blend, mozzarella and cheddar cheeses, fire roasted corn, tomatillos, poblano peppers and red peppers.

Now that’s a pizza.

One-third of the Sicilian Veggie has 200 calories, 5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 530 milligrams of sodium, 120 milligrams of potassium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber and 11 grams of protein. While a serving of the Mexicali Black Bean has 210 calories, 7 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 560 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber and 13 grams of protein. Both pizzas also contain 9 grams of whole grains and 340 milligrams of ALA Omega-3s per serving.

NEWS: New DASANI essence Only Gets to First Base With All-Natural Fruit Flavor

Like a Jonas brother wearing a purity ring, the new DASANI essence bottled water doesn’t go all the way. It only has a touch of fruit flavor and it accomplishes this without sweeteners, preservatives or calories. It’s the equivalent of just making out in the back seat of a Trans Am. The DASANI essence (yes, that’s how it’s spelled) is similar to the Hint Water we reviewed years ago.

Some of you might be thinking DASANI already has fruit flavored water, and you would be right, but that line of bottled water has a level of flavor that is equivalent to getting to third base in the back seat of a station wagon.

The DASANI essence comes in three flavors: black cherry, strawberry kiwi and lime. It’s being sold in 18.5-ounce bottles or 16-ounce bottles in a 4-pack.

An 8-ounce serving contains 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates and 0 grams of protein.

NEWS: Wrigley Releases Two More 5 Gum Flavors and Continues The Trend of Giving Them Names You Would Probably Find On A Rave Flyer

Read our reviews of the other Wrigley’s 5 Gum flavors here and here.

Wrigley’s 5 Gum line, which is marketed towards teens and strokes all five of their senses hard, recently got two new additions. The new flavors, Solstice and Zing, joins Lush, Elixir, Rain, Flare and Cobalt in the Wrigley’s 5 line and in the list of names you should not name your children.

The new flavors may have names similar to their older siblings and raves, but their taste isn’t as straight forth. Lush has a fruity flavor, Elixir has a berry taste, Rain is like spearmint, Cobalt has a peppermint flavor and Flare has a cinnamon taste, but according to Wrigley, the new flavors will have a “unique, game-changing flavor experience,” which is marketing speak for it starts out as one flavor and ends up as another. Solstice starts off warm and ends up as a cool winter mint, while Zing begins sour and ends up sweet.

Look for the new flavors at your local convenience store or with all of the other impulse buys lined along the checkout counter at your favorite mega-superstore.

(Note: TIB reviewed the previous flavors. Click here to read the Lush and Elixir review. Click here to read the Rain, Flare and Cobalt review.)

NEWS: New Special K Protein Shakes May Prove Once and For All That Women Do Fart

Whenever I think of a protein shake, I think of those HUGE canisters of protein shake mix my old roommate used to buy from GNC to gain muscle. They came in different flavors, like chocolate and strawberry. I’m not sure how the protein shake mix worked, but I assume he gained muscle by lifting that HUGE container all the time. But I do know that soon after he made a protein shake the apartment began to reek of farts.

The Kellogg’s Special K Protein Shake takes the mixing out of the protein shake mix and is a dainty ready-to-drink protein shake for, I can only assume, women or people who like to fart. Actually, I don’t know if this product causes farting like the GNC protein shake mix does, but if it does, it will prove once and for all that women do fart, which I didn’t think they did.

The Kellogg’s Special K Protein Shake comes in three flavors: French vanilla, strawberry and milk chocolate. Each shake has around 180 calories, 5 grams of fat, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, 10 grams of protein and a whole lot of vitamins and minerals.

NEWS: Ben & Jerry’s Latest Flavors Causes Sweet Tooths to Rejoice and Nut Allergy Sufferers to Shake Their Fists in Anger

Ben & Jerry’s recently introduced two new flavors to their lineup of creamy creations: the creatively named Mission to Marzipan and the unimaginative Chocolate Macadamia, which a Chunky Monkey armed with a typewriter could’ve named. Both flavors contain nuts in some shape or form.

The Mission to Marzipan flavor is made up of sweet cream ice cream with almond cookies and a Marzipan swirl. Marzipan is a sweet, yellowish paste of ground almonds, sugar, and egg whites. And knowing what it is will impress your foodie friends. The Chocolate Macadamia consists of chocolate and vanilla ice creams with fudge covered macadamia nuts. While Mission to Marzipan has the creative name, the Chocolate Macadamia can brag about the fact that its macadamias, cocoa and vanilla are Fair Trade-certified.

The Mission to Marzipan has 260 calories, 13 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 32 grams of carbs and 25 grams of sugar per 1/2 cup serving. The Chocolate Macadamia has 270 calories, 18 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 25 grams of carbs and 22 grams of sugar per serving.

(You can read a review of the Chocolate Macadamia flavor here.)

NEWS: New Wheat Thins Variety Adds Cheese and Polygon Vertices

I’m not a connoisseur of cheeses, except for Kraft American slices and Velveeta, so I don’t know if I should be impressed with the Wheat Thins Artisan Cheese Crackers that have either Vermont White Cheddar or Wisconsin Colby cheese baked into it. I’m going to assume that the Wisconsin Colby cheese version will be good because if I’ve learned anything from watching Green Bay Packers games, it’s that Wisconsin knows how to make cheese. Or they’re really good at making cheese hats.

These crackers also come in a hexagon shape, instead of the usual Wheat Thins tetragon, which I think was a mistake. They should’ve gone with an octagon to jump on the chiseled, sweaty and bloody back of mixed martial arts.

The Vermont White Cheddar version has 140 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 230 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbs and 1 gram of fiber per 12 cracker serving. The Wisconsin Colby cheese has 130 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 gram saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 220 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbs and 1 gram of fiber per serving.