I feel super uncool about not knowing what the heck Five Nights at Freddy’s is. And I feel even worse that this Popeyes Freddy Fazbear Deluxe Box promotes Five Nights at Freddy’s 2.

TWO! I didn’t even know there was a ONE!

So absolutely no Five Nights at Freddy’s references in this review. Wait? Is this a movie, YouTube thing, TikTok thing, video game, or a sequel to that Tom Green movie? See, that’s how lame I am. I didn’t even look it up beforehand to make myself look cool and knowledgeable. I’m being totally transparent about my ineptitude with popular culture. Heck, I’m being so lame that I called it “popular culture” instead of “pop culture.”

Before I admit to worse things about myself, let’s discuss this fast food box. The meal comes with three pieces of signature chicken tenders topped with a savory garlic parmesan rub, warm Garlic Cheesy Bites with a marinara sauce, a Cupcake Cup, and a drink of your choice. There’s also a non-deluxe version of the box that comes with only the chicken tenders and Cheesy Bites.

Despite all the garlic that’s promised in this treasure chest of golden fried foods, I can’t say I taste a lot of it.

The chicken tenders had a weak garlic parmesan flavor. I really had to really focus to notice it. But for the most part, it tastes like plain Popeyes chicken tenders with the Cajun seasoning. Maybe not enough garlic parmesan rub? As for the “garlic crusted” Cheesy Bites, they tasted like standard mozzarella sticks to me. There’s a hint of garlic, but “garlic crusted” made me believe it would be more prominent.

Oh, as you can see, my Cheesy Bites were a cheesy mess. Obviously, something went wrong in the kitchen with my order, and instead of Cheesy Bites, I got Cheesy Wads (feel free to use that fast food companies). But whatever happened didn’t affect their flavor. Besides, it came with a side of marinara, which masked the breading’s seasoning, making them taste even more like standard mozzarella sticks.

The meal’s most colorful part was the Cupcake Cup, a moist strawberry-flavored cake topped with sweet pink icing, which would’ve been great to promote the Barbie movie. The cake is chilled, and it’s probably the highlight of the Freddy Fazbear Deluxe Box. Despite the thick layer of icing, I didn’t find the dessert overly sweet. The strawberry flavor in the dense cake was artificial, but still quite delicious. However, my wife thought it was too artificial.

To recap, the Cheesy Bites were mid, the chicken tenders had an underwhelming garlic parmesan flavor, and I can really only recommend the Cupcake Cup. So while not as lame as I am, Popeyes’ Freddy Fazbear Deluxe Box was disappointing.

Purchased Price: $16.99*
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Garlic Cheesy Bites – 620 calories, 50 grams of fat, 24 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 120 milligrams of cholesterol, 1120 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 24 grams of protein. 3Pc Garlic Parmesan Classic Tenders – 390 calories, 20 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 1590 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 34 grams of protein. Cupcake Cup – 370 calories, 12 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat (that can’t be right), 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 60 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 29 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.