After all the thousands of milligrams of caffeine that Mountain Dew has given me over the years, which has helped me cram for final exams, write reviews about stuff like cheese-flavored ramen, and binge watch as much as I can during free trials for streaming services, I can’t believe I’m about to do Mountain Dew dirty. Do the Dew Dewrty, if you will.

On paper, combining Mountain Dew with cream flavor sounds Dewlightful, but Dirty Mountain Dew is unDewhelming. And if it weren’t for the caffeine I depend on to stay focused while jumping down YouTube rabbit holes of self-improvement videos about the book Atomic Habits, the remaining cans would probably end up in the back of the pantry closet, next to a set of half-full 1980s McCormick spice bottles with the green lids and labels that have been gathering dust for decades.

I’ve purchased and made my fair share of dirty sodas over the years, and this ready-to-drink Dirty Mountain Dew doesn’t hit me the same way my own creations or the ones I overpaid for do. It’s sweet, citrusy, and a little sour, but that cream flavor comes off a little strange. Rather than enhancing the citrus, it feels more like a hindrance, making the soda taste less like Mountain Dew and more like a dirty Sprite, 7UP, or Starry. That doesn’t sound like a terrible thing, but I want to Do the Dew, not Settle for Sprite, 7UP, or Starry.

With that said, the soda has a key lime pie vibe to it and it’s not horrible, which makes it sound like a winner. But, again, there’s something about that cream flavor that makes everything feel and taste slightly off. There is a smoothness to the soda that makes it easy to drink, since there’s not a lot of carbonation that you’d get from a regular Mountain Dew. However, I wouldn’t say that equates to some kind of creaminess. Then, at the end, the cream flavor leaves an odd aftertaste and a mouthfeel that coats the tongue and lingers longer than it should.

Instead of this Dirty Mountain Dew, you’re better off buying creamer or whatever dairy or non-dairy floats your boat, and doing your own Dirty Dew.

The Mountain Dew Universe (MDU) is expansive enough that I imagine there are plans for other Dirty Mountain Dew flavors. But before any of them make their Dewbut, I’d recommend cleaning up that cream flavor first.

Purchased Price: $6.67
Size: 12 fl oz cans/12-pack
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 160 calories, 0 grams of fat, 40 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of total carbohydrates, 44 grams of total sugars (includes 44 grams of added sugars), 0 grams of protein, and 54 milligrams of caffeine.